Life in Japan

The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner

Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then here you go!

However, be warned: If you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me! smilie

Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:

 

1. Dating is not the same for foreign women and men!

If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.

You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!

A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.

Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.

For foreign women it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay home, take care of the kids, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.

Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.

These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this, but that’s it for starters, I guess.

 

2. Dating in Japan as a foreign man:

As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..

It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.

All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy as part of the superstar syndrome.

 

3. Dating in Japan as a foreign woman:

The complete opposite is the case for (Western) foreign women in Japan.
Japanese guys are often too shy, scared or whatever and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.

It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese man, but it is still the BIG exception!

Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.

It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.

 

4. Differences in relationships:

I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.

Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.

 

Foreign man, Japanese woman:

In relationships where the man is foreign I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.

I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. When I ask them about how they got their cellphone or credit card they just answer they don’t know because their wife did it for them. smilie
Consequently they don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of it all.

One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance every week or month and needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any more of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.

Because of  all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kind of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.

 

Foreign woman, Japanese man:

For the opposite constellation you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.

They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their husband / boyfriend who is at work most of the time anyways.

The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kind of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because either they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t seem to accept that there are cultural differences and they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.

All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.

 

5. Conclusion: Dating in Japan

There’s so much more that could be said about this topic and I’d love to discuss it with you some more.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this!

All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.

Read on:

 

If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:

 

Never miss any blog posts and important updates and
SIGN UP TO OUR NEWSLETTER!

367 Comments

  • Sado 1

    You’re fortunate that you’re seeing your girlfriend’s behavior now rather than when you get married. No one deserves to be treated in the ways you described–that’s not love. It’s control, manipulation and abuse, and it’s probably causing you a lot of stress and anxiety.

    If you decide to marry her, the situation will get worse and it’ll damage your self-esteem since you’ll feel powerless in the relationship. Also, think of how her behavior will impact your future children. Best to you.

    • Thanks for your reply..

      Yesterday she locked me outside our apartement.

      The reason?

      She saw a totally gross video on a SNS site because my friend commented on that post.. She asked me why people post those things. I just said ”Freedom of expression?”. Because of that she told me ”That the world besides Japan is full of s**t and people in my country are full of s**t”.

      We talked about it on the phone for 4 hours (I was outside). I got home at 8 pm and I entered the house at 12. Telling me that my love is fake, I don’t know what she feels, That I should become ”Japanese”, and forget my religion because she doesn’t have one, She calls me things when I say something about Japan/Japanese while trying to defend myself againt racism, etc.. All in 4 hours..

      Sorry if this looks like a complaint..

      • It doesn’t look like a complaint, it IS a complaint, and one that can be simply rectified: end the relationship. Coming online to complain to total strangers about a situation they neither fully understand or have nothing vested in is basically a pointless exercise. I suspect you know this already.

        You’re not married yet, you’re young (and even if you are not that still really isn’t an issue) and I doubt your are financially dependent on her. End the relationship and move on-you certainly won’t have any difficulty replacing her.

  • Oh for crying out loud, sex! You manage to talk about “dating” like it’s some chaste activity from the 1950s and you’re going to the malt shop.

    One of the appeals of “dating” Japanese women is they are not hung up about sex. (Before all the hate mail starts, I’ve been married now 22 years to a Japanese woman.)

    Anyway, how anyone can waste so many words on dating yet not really mention sex misses the point.

  • I have to disagree with some of the things you point out in your article. But like you said this is just from your experience. The whole gaining hunter thing is not as common as some may think. Most Japanese women are interested in being married and having kids before they hit 30. The ones who do hit 30+ are no longer much interest to Japanese men. So they want to find foreign men. As for the foreign women here….many women who come here have an interest in Japan and/or Japanese men. So when foreign men talk to them they are often snobs and act like they are to good for foreign men so most foreign men don’t care for them much. Also the number of attractive foreign women is very low in Japan. Many foreign women who come here have no luck finding men in their home country or are just looking for a Japanese husband to take care of them. Many foreign women appear to be set in their countries ways to accept the Japanese culture and lifestyle so most younger Japanese men avoid them. To many foreigners both men and women forget they are in Japan and try to force their culture and ideas in the dating scene. Once you really understand and accept the Jap culture can you truly be successful in finding the right partner.

    • Jason, I think with your comment you might have offended pretty much every foreign woman who lives in Japan. ^^;
      Why is it that everybody assumes foreign women only come to Japan to find a guy?
      I bet if you go aroudn asking them, the majority of them will have a completely different reason.

      About adapting and accepting culture, I agree with you, though.

  • Greetings!

    First things first…:
    >> If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women.

    This statement I really find OFFENSIVE. Do you have some special skill (or a even a degree) that gives you the ability to correctly judge and “declare” who is handsome and who ain’t (dispositions towards a specific ethnicity, some particular feature in appearance or just that devilish smile one cannot forget… all these are personal preferences and WILL DIFFER from person to person… Hell I even had a friend who liked his GF’s smelly panties, even though (probably) most men would rather NOT, me included MIND YOU!).

    If I had found your blog 10 years ago I might have had given in to that ultra-crazy urge of mine to “declare” what I think is good looking. I then might have brought YOUR looks together with a potato….

    “Might” have. But I’m out of puberty now (at least I hope :-)… so lets get to business and the quintessence of this reply.

    By the way, are you related to Jasmin Wagner? She also called (still active?) herself Blossom (outside Germany though).

    Also, what is it with the Germans and the Japanese?? If I hear stories about ppl living in Japan, there’s always a good chance that a German is involved. Don’t the Americans or Brits like living in Japan?

    Btw. Great blog you have here!!!
    (Maybe I should have put this first… but I was just too angry and needed to vent the above. Sorry!)

    That “John” dud though… If what he wrote all the time (during theses few years of this blog) was true,… respect. However, based on my personal experience I am having difficulties believing half of it.

    As you might have guessed it I am I white and western guy. Not as handsome as brad pit, but during the high-ages of my puberty I was frequently told to be quite attractive.
    The first time I visited Japan was many many years ago. That time I was living and working in Singapore (business related).
    At that time I noticed that no matter the looks of a western guy in Singapore, getting a girl from the Philippines, Thai, Malay or Indonesia was NOT though at all. (This even more so when I travelled their countries respectively)
    In my experience the women in southern-east Asia just wait for the chance to get a white guy. To them any Brit/German/America is a walking bag of gold. (I carry my small piece of wealth with me every day now, in the form of a heavy bag of… no not really gold though, and its permanently attached to the area around my stomach LOL). And they are VERY persistent once they lay an eye on their white target.
    This fact is sometimes utilized by European men when they plan pleasure trips to this region.
    (Did you notice how I intentionally omitted the declaration of any exterior appearance qualification just before or around the work “European”?)

    Anyhow, finally a chance revealed itself to visit the Japan and promptly I went. Full of expectations, somewhat naive though, with only a backpack and NO PLAN (and the flight back was two weeks apart).
    On the evening of the first day though (mid of march, ’twas still quite cold) I saw two women (around 30) eating ice cream at the entrance to a subway in Tokio. I asked (very casually) the (IMHO) cute one of the two whos idea it was to eat something cold in a cold whether.
    Long story short, the very same evening we went drinking and I ended up in a hotel with her… For years I wondered why this went as far as it went… when a Japanese friend told me that I was Gyaku-Nanpa’ed that time.

    Yes, that happens too sometimes. Probably the timing, the phrases I used to ‘just’ ask about the situation, as well as a combination of other circumstances (looks might be one factor, though I think a 32y office lady has other things on her mind) …
    (Of course it could just have been a drug in the Ikebukuro-icecream too… who knows.)

    Funny thing though, that woman dumped me two days later.
    So in your opinion, have I had been USED that time … Wahahahaha…. American Pie Rules…
    Or was I trophy??? Her first foreigner????

    I forgot to say, this woman, her (IMHO) not-so-cute companion and many other to come were on a strict NO-ENGLISH base. I leave the rest to your imagination for a while.

    During the two weeks I went (as instructed by my friends who visited Tokio as exchange students during a period between 2001 and 2005) to Roppongi an looked for those bars where local girls wait for foreigners.
    Only to be disappointed because those few places I found were quite deserted and WHEN women were present, they mostly ignored me. :-O

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Big surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I course a night in Shibuya’s ATOM got me a (ALMOST) a getting-laid-experience… which dissolved into thin air because I chose an older (and considerably more drunk) girl over the IMHO extremely good looking and well attired young (non drunk and self controlled) one… (why? beats me, if you ask me now….!)

    Shoot… I left Japan after said two week and 1000 bucks less (planned to use half of this at most!!!) but with the acquaintance of a woman who I met again half a year after.
    We have been together since and already many years married with kids too…

    Now, over the years I was able to accumulate quite some experience if it comes to Japanese women AND men. I my home country I was (more or less) always sufficiently able to date women. I never complained, that is. However, since I am an !!!!asia-fanatic!!!! I was never content with being together with a non-asian woman. First it was the looks but after I got to know my wife I was able to revise my thinking about Japanese women thanks to her (my beloved wife is the best teacher of her culture I ever had !!).

    Young Japanese girls are just … girls. The range 0-21y are kids, who will actually even try to talk to foreigners with their respectable attempts to utter that funny japanese-intonated english (yes… shame on me, looks who’s talking!). The next group, starting from 21y- is ….
    difficult. If you take Tokio girls for example,… then I would have to second some posts already given in this blog, for SOME individuals from the group for which I am not able to define the upper age-boundary well.
    Take for example the Kyabakura Girls (Kyaba-Jo), doing Mizu-Shoubai… they will gladly go out with ANYONE… as long as this guy literally STINKS of MONEY. Buy me this and that… it’s all about money. Its a business sector (selling companionship, time where the girls listen to some over-aged salary-man’s stories of how dull and unsatisfying his marriage is… BAM, the magic word for the Kyabajo to get very nice) and my wife once told me to not be to quick in judging whether the charade those women set up is actually a bad thing or not. Those ossan’s (old guys) will surely agree that the Kyabajo are goddesses!…

    But… if you came to Japan to live here … AND HERE COMES THE CATCH… chose NOT to live in Tokio but in the Japanese version of Bumsville-Idaho… then you will get a totally UNIQUE experience of the Japanese. Enter MYSELF.

    I have been living on the japanese countryside for some years now. The company I work for is 100 Japanese. NOT AS SINGLE ‘foreigner’ around. At least none I would know, and most certainly no western white guys. Image the starring when you enter a supermarket in a village of a few thousand inhabitants …

    My co-workers… (you guessed it already?) dislike speaking English because they (despite the forced annual re-education in English) simply are to reserved when it comes to actually TRY and speak. As was pointed out by many people in this blog, I also noticed that the Japanese men are VERY SHY. Take for example an elevator: A white gut would enter with his nose trying to touch the ceiling (naturally,… with no ill intent). The Japanese guy on the other hand, will try to do the opposite (exaggerated!!). They will not try to muster you, they will not try to talk to you. Even the more interested kind will not be able to jump over his shadow and actually initiate a conversation. And talked to first, guess what?
    “A…. E—-!!! E–!!!” quickly trying to fill the time YOU have (for the conversation) until the elevator reaches your or his destination floor.

    The Japanese females on the other hand behave differently.
    Imagine the same situation, except detach the abdominal appendix (in your imagination only please) and longer hair.
    Depending on the history (e.g. if one had a chance to frequent the same elevator for many weeks than the same people might eventually enter too)… and … you might be asked about your home country. From here, there are no limits where this can lead.

    However, keep your shirt on, buddy. I was stating from personal experience from work where most (if not all) women are MARRIED! And at least close to 30… My friends and coworkers more like around 40 and above.

    Also, during the entire post I was quite selfishly EXPECTING an absolutely fluent proficiency in conversational Japanese, preferably WITH some knowledge of the local dialect (understanding only) to be able to also communicate with local folks.

    The Japanese may never directly — they never speak directly btw!!! — tell you that they think your pronunciation is actually crap. If you however can imitate or indeed REALLY speak with a well formed japanese accent, then I tell you my friend… the cultural barrier will be a thing of the past.

    To complement a post above about the standing cultural taboos and NG’s: we (my wife and me) have friends from the Kindergarten our kids go to. This particular married couple (36y and 35y) DO actually stroll in the park very romantically hand in hand… Of course they get scolded by their fellow Japanese about showing affections in the public (which is a big NO-GO in Japan, especially in the age-region above 30 and COUNTRYSIDE). But said couple also tells the other friends and Kindergarten-acquaintances to p***-off from this topic (just because said couple – unlike the common Japanese couple stereotype – simply WANTS loves each other.. after all, Japanese are also JUST HUMANS). Of course they said this disguised in the Japanese way of saying something to you by NOT saying it!!!!!!! (This is actual pure linguistic MAGIC, as I am sure Jasmin will be able to confirm)

    I cannot think of a country I would like to live other than Japan. I love and hate them all together. Love them for the most part though and I can have a much better time with Japanese then with my countrymen.

    Darn… I took away precious kilobytes the next poster will NOT BE ABLE to use for his/her posting. And I only was just getting warm…
    I have to apologize for this long post, I know. But I wont!

    Cheers!
    Eddy

    • OMG! I never even thought about it, but now that you’ve mentioned it, it’s kind of funny. No, I’m not related to Jasmin Wagner. *g*

      I thought I stated it somewhere in my post, but maybe I didn’t. All of these “A German Alien in Japan” posts are based on my PERSONAL opinion. So it goes without saying, that it’s only my personal opinion / taste when I say that there are so many good-looking Japanese women with not so handsome guys. Sorry if that sounded offensive to anybody.

  • you forgot one very important thing, Japanese men cheat and its acceptable and obvious thing. for all the foolish girls who watched too much anime and visual kei, if you dont mind your guy to have sex with others while being with you go ahead

  • I live in Hawaii and here you see loads of attractive Japanese females but in regards “Dating” I only see them with a White-Anglo man,( most of the time) or with Another Japanese?
    So, are Japanese Females attracted to other Races e.g.- Latin,Black etc…

  • So I am an Asian foreigner girl living in Tokyo. The first two years I tried my ass off to study Japanese and date Japanese guys. And now it is the fifth year I m in this country. I lost my interests in Japanese and Japanese guys right after the second year. I am not being racist here but I have no interest to date any Japanese guys. It is just I don’t find they are attractive to me at all. Also, I discovered usually there are certainly types of white men here: 1. Nerds 2. Have obsessions about Japanese women and only hang out with Japanese (normally try in different ways to treat you like you are an idiot by their high level of Japanese ability) 3. Weirdo (Just not sure about dating any human being) As a foreigner girl and not interested in Japanese guy is even worse. And it gets even worse when you are an Asian. Many non-Japanese guys see you are Asian and automatically think you are Japanese and try to approach you in their broken Japanese which make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe they are trying to be nice that assuming that I did not go to school and do not know any English word but another way of view is you thinking I am an Asian and I suppose to not knowing any English?!!!!
    OK. For Japanese guys, if you are Japanese is decent you should be able to fool them one or two sentences. After a few conservation, they realize you are not Japanese and start questioning where do you from, why you come here, what do you do blah blah blah…etc. Then normally it ends up with two situations: 1. They want to talk to you more because of your appearance or nationality 2. They will step backward and keep distant. Either way, you will always be the outsider in their eyes.
    They are normally rude or disrespectful to girls. It is true that the white men in Japan usually pretty popular (even if they are not attractive at all in western standard) and easy to get Japanese girls into their bed. The even worst case is those white men just come here to get laid with Japanese girls and so they have stories to tell when their back home.
    Dating in japan is hard for foreigner girls no matter your in yellow fever or white fever due to a lack of diversity.

    • Ah yes, once again the tired old bromide “all white guys in Japan are losers” is dragged out to soothe yet another forieign woman’s inability to find a decent man for a relationship in Japan.

      Ask yourself this, Ms. Asian Foreigner-what is the common denominator between you and all the nerdy, obsessive, weirdo white men you encounter in Japan? YOU! And that is the trouble with women like you-you constantly blame white men for all (although in your case you clearly blame Japanese men as well) of your relationship problems here, never once pausing to think that maybe part of the problem is with you-your personality, your character, your expectations, your physical appearance. (Yes, I said that last part-physical attraction is an inherent part of an intimate relationship.)

      Speaking for myself, I came to Japan not to fall in love or get laid-that came later. I came here because I was offered a job. I came here initially for employment purposes only. And I’m not alone-at my prior place of employment there were 5 guys-North Americans all-out of a teaching staff of 7 who were married to Japanese women with families, and all of whom had purchased homes here, and all except one met their wives after they came here. Good, decent, stable guys-and 4 of them were white. So there’s my anecdotal evidence that quite neatly destroys yours concerning white men.

      You want a reason why you can’t find a decent guy in Japan? Judging from your post, you should try looking in the mirror-that would be a good place to start. 126 million people in this country and you can’t seem to find one decent man amongst them? Yeah, the problem is you.

      TL, DR: foreign woman dismisses all Japanese and white men in Japan, complains she can’t find one due to “lack of diversity.”

  • This post wss 3 years ago and time has changed
    ..
    Roppongi isn’t the place anymore..
    Western guys have it much harder than 3 years before to get laid.

    And pls stop that shit with “quality girls”. The first mistake what most people do: going pn optics instead of charactet

  • Thanks so much for such an informational blog, I’m currently doing a lot of research about Japanese culture and way of life in Japan and the reason is simple I found out a while ago that I’m very attracted to japanese women but not just any woman but a good family woman I hope I find her soon.

  • One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance every week or month and needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any more of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.

    Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kind of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.

    Same goes exactly for Chinese “woman”

  • I just looking a good life partner from Japan, I am a good woman indeed separated with my husband for more than 11 years I got 2 son 27 and 25 years both are finished studying higher national diploma in computing and business management both are working, and single I stay with them, my age is 52 years old, i am good in cooking, household chores,I am honest and trustworthy, fun loving, Philippines National but now is a Bruneian, I’m willing to stay in Japan all of my remaining life even that man is more older than me I prepare for it..as long as can respect me as wife, I am simple woman I never expecting luxurious life, just gentleman guy and can loved me true as I am too for him, I’m really good woman indeed I’m sure to it and I am caring woman indeed. ..

  • This isn’t really accurate. Anything mentioned here are just false impressions. I see equal amounts of international couples here in Japan in my area. That means Foreign-Man/Japanese Woman and Vice-Versa. So to say that Foreign Women don’t end up with Japanese guys as often is very inaccurate.

    • Like I’ve said, this is based on my personal experience living in the Japanese countryside.
      It surely is very different in Tokyo, especially in recent years (this blog post is actually quite old already).

      I don’t know where you’re living in Japan, but I don’t doubt that your experience might be very different from mine (especially considering that things have changed a lot in recent years).

  • Interesting read. I have to agree with you on the simple point of dating in Japan being MUCH more difficult for women.

  • I’ve lived in Japan for four years and never had a date a gf or even a Japanese friend. This article is bs when it says it’s so easy for foreign men. What kind of foreign man? Stop with the stereotype bullcrap! It’s such a lonely depressing and isolated country. 5)3 birthdate is declining at a rapid pace and people obviously don’t want to meet. I’ve come a long way in life to make it here and I really struggle with depression and being in this isolated country

    • If you struggle and don’t like the country you’re currently living in, then why not move to another country?
      We should enjoy the freedom we all currently have. Just saying.
      There are plenty of countries that won’t feel that isolated.

      • I continue to stay here because I worked hard to move here. I like some things aspects of Japan but I just wanted to say that it’s not so easy to meet girls here. Girls don’t fall on our laps just because we are foreign. Don’t believe the bullshit

        • I understand.
          I just thought it might be an option when the country itself is the reason why you feel miserable.
          Not sure if you know that, but especially about a decade ago there were so many male bloggers or commenters in forums who claimed exactly that and they bragged about how easy it is to get laid as a foreign dude in Japan.
          Not my words. I can only write from my own experience and as I’m not even a male foreigner in Japan, I can only state what I’ve personally observed and experienced.
          That’s also what I’ve stated here. It’s based on my personal experience and not the one and only truth. I’m well aware that it’s different for each and every person and I truly feel sorry that you don’t feel as happy in Japan as you probably should be.

      • For someone who comes off as being somewhat sophisticated, you have a curiously adolescent view of the world. Did it occur to you that maybe he can’t just up and move to another country as you so blithely suggest? Maybe he has a career he’s invested time and energy in that can’t be reduplicated so easily. Maybe he’s divorced and has children that he wishes to stay involved with. Maybe, as his post suggests, he made an effort so considerable to better his life he’s unwillingly to go through that again to start over somewhere else.

        None of us remain 25, healthy, responsibility- and condition-free forever. Something you seem to forget when you toss off comments like this.

        • I’m well aware that this COULD be the case. But as all the information he shared was that he feels miserable in such an isolated country, it’s just the first thought that comes to one’s mind.
          I’m quite sure there are reasons why he wouldn’t want to leave, but if you are miserable to the point that it makes you sick (e.g. depression), he still should think about changing some things in his life (and moving countries COULD be an option). Not making life decisions for anybody. ;)

          I’m in a similar situation since leaving Japan, so it’s not that I’m not aware of it, trust me.
          And it’s exactly because we’re not 25 and healthy forever that we need to be careful with our decisions.
          Health and happiness should always come first. Even if you have built up a great career somewhere, it won’t make you happy if you get sick because of it or the circumstances that come with it.

    • Hi Julia,

      Sure, why not?
      Same-sex marriages have been permitted in some parts recently, so it’s becoming less of a taboo even in Japan.
      That being said, I have no idea about the LGBT scene in Japan, sorry.

Leave a Comment