Life in Japan

Is Dating Japanese Women Really That Easy?

I’ve previously written about dating in Japan and interviewed a few of my female fellow bloggers about dating Japanese men.
After publishing it, a lot of men asked questions about dating Japanese women.
They were mainly concerned about how to approach a Japanese woman and cross-cultural differences that could be an issue.

So, I decided to “interrogate” some male bloggers about their experience.
I want to thank all the great people who agreed to collaborate and share their story with all of us!

 

Name: Benjamin Martin
Nationality: American (USA)
Age: 29

Let’s start with Ben. You might already know him as I interviewed Ben a while ago.
He has spent the last 5 years living on small islands in Okinawa. In August 2013 Ben participated in the popular Japanese TV show Motemote 99 where he met a wonderful Japanese women. In fact, he proposed to her just a while ago. Ben says:

“It’s been a whirlwind (meeting parents and dating from afar), but so far we are happy and plan to marry this year. We’ve managed to keep things alive through LINE (*a Japanese app similar to WhatsApp) and trips every month or so. I spent five days with her family prior to popping the question and that gave me a great chance to see if I fit in with them. Luckily, we all got along. Of course proposals are pretty different in Japan and the US, but I managed a hybrid approach which is pretty much how I see our life together going forward.”

Dating Japanese Women

For anyone who’s hoping to find a girlfriend in Japan, he suggests:

“Back in the States there are a million ways to meet people and start up a conversation. In Japan, women and men tend to socialize separately, so unless you find someone at work (which has its own issues), you’re limited in the ways you might meet a potential date. One good option is joining a community club or activity, though then there’s no telling if they’ll fit your age range.
For my part, living on a small island just made things more difficult. It takes a certain amount of commitment to start dating when everyone will know about it in a few days. I found it hard to make anything more than superficial connections or move past friendship. I joined in the TV show at the last minute not expecting much. After seeing my profile, several women came to meet me. It definitely made things easier knowing they were interested in me, yet there were distractions as well. Still, by the end of the event I found someone I could communicate easily with despite my non-fluent Japanese and her lack of English.”

Ben says that a cross-cultural relationship can be difficult: 

“There are always differences in expectation and cultural differences can lead to awkwardness, yet I’ve found that clear communication can help to navigate the most difficult situations. I’m still new to my relationship and we’ve had no major problems despite our difference in language. I think it helps that we both understand each others’ priorities and our goals and plans all fit together.”

Ben admits that he’s not sure whether it’s more difficult for a female foreigner to find a partner in Japan:

“I don’t know how hard it is for Western women to meet Japanese guys. I think the difficulty would be in expected roles. The stereotype is that Westerners are strong and Japanese men don’t want that. It could be true some of the time, but I think people can find the type of personality they’re compatible with in any culture. I never found it easy to ‘get’ a Japanese woman, then again, my fiancé and I met on a Japanese TV show for the express purpose of finding someone to marry. The modern version of the omiai (arranged marriage) seems to be working quite well for us. Living in different prefectures we never would have met without the show.”

 

 

Name: Baye (Loco)
Nationality: American (USA)
Age: 40s

You might already know Baye (a.k.a. Loco) from an interview I did a while ago or from his books “Hi! My Name Is Loco And I Am A Racist” and “Loco in Yokohama“.
In his opinion it isn’t difficult to approach Japanese women:

“One big difference I’ve found is that there are fewer places here in Japan where it’s seemly to approach women. Whereas in NY– my former stomping ground — pretty much anywhere, including on the street, was within acceptable parameters as a suitable place to meet girls, here, due to certain customs and/or expectations, the number of places is significantly lower.”

Dating Japanese Women

Baye also has some great suggestions how you could meet a Japanese woman in Japan:

“Japanese Girls who are looking to get involved with a Non-Japanese (NJ) man (which is relatively few, but appears very high when applied to the number of NJ men living here) will make themselves available at places where they expect to find foreign men. Typically gaijin bars in areas like Roppongi, Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ebisu, and those sorts of places. And if you approach them in such an environment, where they’re pretty much expecting it and frankly came there for that purpose, then you’re unlikely to scare or embarrass the hell out of them. Also, if you check certain English language magazines like Metropolis, or certain websites, you’ll find personal ads from Japanese women who are in the market for NJ guys. Although I’ve found a strong preference for white guys in these ads. They’ll actually say ‘white men only’ or ‘no black men please,’ from time to time which is enough to turn your stomach. But I guess you can say at least they’re upfront about their preferences.”

About possible issues in a relationship due to cultural differences, he says:

“It might seem so in the beginning, but eventually you come to realize that most of those troubles you were blaming on cultural differences were really just a result of your having not done due diligence (and who hasn’t been victimized by their libido’s tendency to takeover when a pretty face and lovely assets are involved, or rushed into something questionable to escape loneliness?) So, often these troubles occur when someone didn’t get to know the person before leaping into the relationship.”

Like most others, Baye agrees that it’s more difficult for foreign women to date Japanese guys here in Japan:

“I think NJ women have to deal with stereotypes just like the NJ men here. And often, at least according to my Japanese male friends, those stereotypes involve aggressive attitudes, impatience, sexual promiscuity, and resistance to compliance. But, that’s not to say you can’t get past those. And while some of those same stereotypes apply to NJ men, the Japanese women who are attracted to NJ men are generally (in my experience) attracted to and are frankly expecting those qualities from NJ men (and may or may not be receptive if they’re not present).

Chauvinism and misogyny are male attributes that are present all over the world, and Japan is no exception. The society dictates what is acceptable, tolerable, attractive and even what will bring a man the prestige among his peers he might desire, and in most cases the women they choose either fulfill these needs or are expected to conform to them somehow. I suspect, though I might be wrong about this, that it is pretty difficult for a NJ woman to conform to Japanese men’s / Japanese society’s expectations, and it is the rare case that a man will disregard these demands. The decision to step outside of the expectations of one’s society has ramifications that are far-reaching, and can potentially impact every facet of their lives, be it family, career, even friendships. In my experience, most Japanese men would label the challenges caused by having a NJ wife ‘mendokusai’ (*a pain in the rear).”

 

 

Name: Coolio
Nationality: German
Age: 47

Coolio is a German blogger who has been living in Tokyo for many years now.
When I asked him if he sees any difference in approaching Japanese women or Western women, he answered:

Dating Japanese Women “In the end, Japanese women are just women as well. The difference is that you MUST approach them. Usually there’s no initiative to approach men, like for example in Germany. And if a Japanese woman approaches you as a gaijin, just run as fast as you can!”

I also wanted to know if Coolio sees any cultural differences that could cause trouble in a relationship. He says:

“Yes. Sure as hell. Starting with a completely different meaning of ‘love’ in Japan, followed by the concept of ‘honne’ (本音: real feelings) and “tatemae” (建前: what she’ll tell you) to name just a few. Wanna try? Be prepared for a lot of disappointment.”

Coolio is of the opinion that it’s indisputably true that foreign men have it easier than foreign women when it comes to dating in Japan:

“A lot of Japanese dudes are thinking that gaijin women are just too strong for them and that these women wouldn’t fit into the typical role of a woman in a typical Japanese marriage. Well, I’ll tell you foreign ladies a secret: A lot of disappointed male gaijin are just waiting for a chance with you!”

 

Name: Donald Ash
Nationality: American (USA)
Age: 33

Donald is a blogger and English teacher. He says about himself that he’s a rather introverted person who wouldn’t just walk up to a Japanese woman, throwing the following at her: “Konnichiwa, nice stockings, wanna go out?”
However, he also states that it’s far less intimidating to approach a Japanese woman than a non-Asian woman:

“There’s no real penalty for screwing up. I’ve never had a Japanese woman snap at me for trying to approach her, but I have in America! When approaching women, guys often are afraid of being embarrassed or publicly rejected. In Japan, that fear is greatly reduced. If the woman isn’t interested, or doesn’t understand you (for those who don’t know any Japanese yet), she’ll just ignore you or walk away. You can simply blame it on the language disconnect and move on.”

Apparently he has had some positive experiences with approaching Japanese women:

“Sometimes you don’t have to approach at all. I didn’t have to go out and do naked handstands to get my very first dates in Japan. My first dates were with people who already knew me, with someone that a friend introduced me to, or with someone who had an extreme interest in hip-hop culture and gave me their number because (surprise, surprise) I’m black.”

He adds a few more encouraging words:

You honestly have a chance!
Has anybody else seen the super gorgeous Japanese woman with the super-nerdy boyfriend or husband? I have, and I love it!
Nerds, rejoice with me! There’s hope for us!”

Dating Japanese Women

Although Donald sounds really optimistic now, his first year in Japan was rough:

I had the hardest time getting women to even consider dating me. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why women would shy away from me. Some even seemed to be outright scared of me. It wasn’t like I was rushing up to them and screaming. I would just try to be my normal self and women didn’t seem to take notice. I would lower my standards and still get rejected.
I thought maybe it was a Japanese issue, but that wasn’t it either. I started to improve my Japanese so I could communicate better, and it still wasn’t working. I had friends who spoke even less Japanese than I did, and they always had a hot Japanese date on their arm.
There were times when I felt like an African-American version of Quasimodo.”

However, he says that being date-starved and desperate during that first year has taught him a lot:

I realize now that the approach isn’t all that different. If you can spark an interest or really engage a woman, you have a chance for a date whether she is Japanese, American, British or Martian. I think the difference is that you don’t necessarily have to work as hard in Japan to create that spark.
For example, if you’re a foreigner who plays in a band here in Japan, it’s like an instant hook!
Also, does anybody ever notice that when you don’t try, that’s when the dates come? That seems like a universal principle to me.  It’s the same here in Japan.”

Just like many other people I interviewed, Donald agrees that there are cultural differences that cause issues in a relationship:

“One problem is the language barrier. Relationships are based on good communication. When you can’t fully express your thoughts to your partner, it can become an issue. When you disagree, and you eventually will, being able to speak your mind in Japanese is truly important.
During that initial, sparkly, new relationship phase not knowing Japanese can be an interesting way to learn together and grow your relationship in the process. But once you understand, there’s no going back. When you can fully comprehend the Japanese, you now have full access to every complaint, to every emotional twist and turn.”

Another cultural difference he observes is “the altar rush” among women in Japan:

“I know I’ve been in Japan for a while but I always thought marriage was something that happened gradually (or if two people make an accidental baby). Some of these so-called ‘shy’ Japanese women will let you know straight up: I want to get married and I want to have kids.

Donald agrees that it’s more difficult for foreign women to find a partner here in Japan:

“I think a big part of that stems from the fact that the man is ‘expected to’ approach the woman. There are some pretty brazen Japanese guys out there. But when given the choice between playing it safe and dating a Japanese woman or leaping out of their comfort zone to date a foreign woman, which will the average Japanese man choose?”

Last, but not least, he wants to give a word of advice for anyone who’s thinking about coming to Japan:

“I know some people have the misconception that just because you’re a foreigner that as soon as you step off the plane you’ll be swarmed by beautiful Japanese women. While this is true for some people, it hasn’t been my experience at all. If you’re anything like me, you’ll either have to work at dating in Japan or just be a little smarter about it. You don’t have to be an over-the-top extrovert to find dates, but you may need a couple of drops of proactivity.”

Oh, and to all the women … pretty(!) women out there:

“As for me, I’ll stick to being creative! To any gorgeous women who are interested, my number is 080… What? I can’t give out my number here? …”

No, because I need to knock out the competition right from the start! Ok, paper and pen are prepared, go ahead! emoticon

 

Name: Matthias
Nationality: German
Age: late 30s

Matthias is a fellow German who is married to a Japanese woman and has his own little German-Japanese family now. When I asked him if it’s difficult to approach Japanese women, he answered:

“I’m not sure about that. I never approached a Japanese woman myself since I met my wife in Germany. I’d imagine though, that there are certain things that impress Japanese women but not non-Asian women and vice versa.
In the end, it’s all about the place. If you try to date someone you met coincidentally somewhere, it’s certainly different from dating someone in, let’s say a club in Roppongi, where some Japanese women already go with the intention to date a foreigner.”

About possible problems in cross-cultural relationships he says:

“I think, the language plays a big role. I know some couples who get along very well without actually understanding each other’s language.
Putting aside simple things such as her being shocked when he sticks his chopsticks into a bowl of rice, I think the main issues lie in the different sense of humor, but also in different expectations. A nice example for this is childcare – Japanese and Western fostering are quite different, and this confuses a lot of Western men. In some cases, the difference is too big. I know couples who divorced shortly after giving birth.”

I wanted to know whether it’s easier for foreign men to “get” a Japanese woman or for foreign women to get a Japanese guy. Matthias’ conclusion is:

“I’m sure it’s easy for foreign women to ‘catch’ a Japanese guy. It’s all about where to look. But the ‘pond’ is certainly smaller and lots of Japanese men being interested in foreign women are only searching for a trophy, so to say.
On the other hand, it’s certainly easy for a guy to get a Japanese woman, but it’s rather difficult to find a Japanese woman who dates you because you are who you are character-wise and not because you happen to come from the other side of the world … or because you seem to have money.”

 

Dating Japanese Women – Conclusion:

Thanks to all these wonderful men who agreed to share their story with us, I think we all got a pretty good picture of what it is really like to date Japanese women in Japan.

It’s surely not the easiest thing on earth, but doable. And it seems to be much easier for foreign guys to find a Japanese partner than it is for foreign women, mainly due to expectations and stereotypes that strongly exist within the Japanese society.

It’s interesting to see that foreign men and women seem to experience similar issues in their cross-cultural relationships. Many mentioned the language barrier as one of the biggest problems. I remember that the Western women I interviewed often struggled with the expectations of their Japanese husband (and his family) in terms of “role allocation” and household. None of the male foreigners here mentioned anything like that.
I wonder if it’s eventually more difficult for a foreign women to adapt to a cross-cultural relationship with a Japanese guy, when living in Japan.

 

Over To You!

I’d love to read about your experience or expectations.

Feel free to share your story with us in the comments below.
You can also ask the people I interviewed or me. We’ll gladly answer your questions! emoticon

55 Comments

    • That’s right. If you’re too afraid you’re just making things more difficult for yourself.
      Having too much confidence can be a problem, too, though.
      Glad you enjoyed the article.

  • I feel like anyone, regardless of gender, who is mainly looking at the race of their prospective partner, is not looking for the right things and would not be a good person to date.

    And I really disagree with Loco’s statement about Japan being a hard place to approach women. As a woman, I’ve only rarely been called out in the US or other countries. But in Japan I was cat-called daily and groped on several occasions. Keep in mind that I don’t go to clubs or parties where this might be more likely to happen. This is on the street, doing normal things like walking or taking the train. I’ve never felt more sexually harrassed or like I am a piece of meat than in Japan. It’s terrible, the way that it’s somehow okay to approach women on the street and follow them, yelling out how much you want to drink with them. That said, Japan sure is full of drunk people! :hum:

    As for my experiences dating.. I’ve dated both men and women in Japan, and the men turned out to be cheaters and liars who never seriously considered me as a prospect, and the women far too brazen for me. I don’t want a woman who shows all of her goods every time she goes to the onsen. That’s for my eyes only.

    • I agree. I don’t care about the race of a possible partner at all. There are MORE important things.
      I can understand that people have a certain type they like, e.g. dark hair, dark eyes and that they tend to go for “races” that are likely to have these features.
      And I know there are a lot of people who have the “yellow fever”.
      I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have a certain preference as long as it’s not too extreme:
      “You are nice. Basically you have everything I ever wanted, BUT your are not Italian. Sorry!” … (T_T)/

      That’s a topic for itself and I already wanted to write about it anyways.
      You probably know that my experience is completely different from yours as we’ve previously talked about it.
      I think whether you have those kind of experiences or not depends on several factors. If you live in a big city, with lots of traffic, “salarymen” who get drunk before they commute home, if you’re tall, blonde, blue-eyed or have big boobs … then that might lead to what you’ve experienced.

      In my 6+ years here in Japan I’ve never had any problems with being approached like that or being groped. NEVER!
      I do remember some unpleasant moments in a train full of drunk Japanese men (but I’m German, I wish I could say I haven’t experienced this before). And in certain spots with host bars in Osaka and Tokyo, hosts tried to persuade me to come to their bar (but that is their job). They weren’t offensive at all and left me alone when I rejected their offer.

      I’m sorry to read about your bad experience and I remember several comments, blog and forum posts where young women who worked as a teacher said they were groped by students, even by female students who wanted to touch the “foreigner’s big breasts”.
      I wouldn’t say that it’s the norm, but are there any statistics? I doubt it. :(

      I also know that you’ve had super bad experiences with dating in Japan. And yes, there are ass*oles in Japan, I’d say among the men, but also the women. One needs to be careful! That being said, even a beautiful and smart girl like you fell for them, so you never are 100% safe, I guess. :/

    • Hi Jamie, sorry I didn’t notice this before or I would have responded sooner. Been travelling. anyway, I was referring to approaching to establish the grounds for a relationships, and doing what is necessary to maintain that relationship in a respectful manner. Thought that went without saying. I certainly didn’t mean Japanese men aren’t willing to disrespect and molest women of any race. They certainly are, as you’ve said. Or maybe you misunderstood me…

  • Thank you Matthias, that was a really good final sentence!
    Knowing some people who have trouble finding a partner because they want to be seen as themselfs and not as the exotic gaijin…

    Zooming: Perhaps next you could interview japanese people what they are thinking about the subject? Could be a nice point of view :)
    Like your dating series. It’s always interesting to read!

    • I think that’s a huge issue, not only when you try to find a partner, but also a true friend here in Japan.
      Many just want to be around you because you’re different / exotic. You’re simply a great accessory that makes any Japanese person next to you stick out of the crowd.
      It’s hard to find the ones who are truly interested in YOU, isn’t it?

      That’s a great idea. Probably more challenging because I barely know any Japanese bloggers, but I’ll work on it.
      Thanks for the suggestion! :D I think that would be super interesting! ^_^

  • Will someone please write an article re same sex relationships? I’m bisexual male and into men, and while I’m not interested in playing the field, I’d definitely like a few pointers, because I’ve fallen for someone Japanese (albeit, who’s lived in the US for like sixteen or seventeen years), I’m pretty sure he’s bi also, but I don’t know how to approach aside from flirting outrageously then acting shy and apologizing/backing off so discretion stays in place.

    • I’d love to. I just fear that it will be extremely difficult to find people to interview who have no problem talking about their experience so openly.

      Actually, I’m quite sure that after living in the US for such a long time, he won’t be like a “typical Japanese” when it’s about dating, flirting or approaching someone.

  • There is an impression among some foreign men that Japanese girls are easy. I do know of a few foreign men who have had more than their share, but the ‘easy’ ones, for lack of a better word, are not usually the kind of women who are truly interestingーand often not pretty by most standards. This is not to sound offensive, but it’s kind of trueーat times their gaijin boyfriend is even less than average, just getting an ego I suppose. It is easy to get attention as a foreign male, but no excuse to let it go to the head.

    My wife is Japanese, we met at work, and everything has gone smoothly. I never considered our relationship special because she is Japanese and I’m foreign. It just happened and there was no thought about our cultural differences. Those do come out, but more so the longer you are together.

    • It doesn’t sound offensive at all, at least not to me.
      I think you’re absolutely right. Truth is there are “gaijin hunters”, for example, but those women aren’t the ones you’d really want.
      The extreme ones will just play along until they get what they really want, a cute “half” (mixed blood) child and then they’ll toss you. I actually know one guy who had to go through this. :(

      See? That’s how it’s supposed to be in my eyes. You just happened to find each other. You weren’t looking for a partner who had to be Japanese and she probably wasn’t looking for some foreigner. It just happened. Glad to hear it worked out for you! ^___^

  • Hi
    I lived in Tokyo for almost 4 years during the early to mid 90’s. It was the best time to live there in my opinion. I was a bartender in Roppongi at Gas Panic Club on the 3rd floor near to Motown.
    I met so many Japanese girls it was ridiculous. Although I never thought of marriage. Then, in the late 90’s, I was a J-men’s dancer for 9 months. Again, I met many Japanese girls never intending to marry. In 2001 before 9-11, I lived in Manhattan and was in college finishing up my degree when by accident I met a Japanese girl in a restaurant. We had one date, that was on a Thursday, that Tuesday, the planes hit the World Trade Center. We continued dating after that and now are happily married with 2 children. The proposal, the meeting of her family and the obstacles we overcame with language and culture only became minute because of our undying love for one another. My story here today is to express that no matter who the girl or guy is or where they’re from, if there is a connection, a deep understanding of yourself and how you sacrifice your life for another, it doesn’t matter where they’re from, it is meant to be;)

    Gambare!
    Ja ne!

    • Lovely! I absolutely agree with what you say.
      It shouldn’t matter where someone is from, but who that person really is and how well you can connect with that person.

      And I can already hear a few guys saying: “But I know that Japanese women are all very beautiful and kind … I can connect with them the best!”
      That would imply that ALL Japanese women are exactly the same. I wonder if some guys really thing so? *sigh*

  • Good read. I have been in Japan for 12 years, and my mother in law introduced me to her daughter. We were married within four months. Knowing the language as well as I do now (which is still not amazing) made it possible. If I didn’t speak Japanese to the extent that I do, I would never have had a chance.

    I’ve had lots of dates since I’ve lived here, but I am really happy that my wife doesn’t speak English. She was not looking for a free teacher, she was just looking for a husband. We are raising an awesome little boy, and after 10+ years adjusting to the cultural differences, it’s not too bad to anticipate her feelings or read her real face, and act accordingly.

    • What a lovely story. Thanks a lot for sharing.
      That’s rare! Your mother in law introduced you?

      I’m glad to see that it worked out so well for you.

      It can be such a big problem sometimes to find someone who is really interested in who you are and not in the “English teaching machine” or the cool, exotic “accessory” that will make other Japanese people envious.

      • I’ll elaborate a bit. Your readers might find it interesting. I met my mother in law, who definitely wants ‘half’ grandkids (cause she thinks they are cute.) We arranged to meet the next week for dinner so I could meet her daughter. She brought all seven of her kids, plus a couple of sons in law, and I was totally surprised、but we had a great time. She told her daughter she had to get my LINE id, and we should go out sometime.

        We had dinner a couple of days later. I went out with her and our son (who I am in process of adopting) and hit it off. I flew off to Europe to see a concert, came home, and by the time I got back, we were pretty near inseparable. I live in a small town, so I know my experience here is different than being in Tokyo or somewhere big. I am a small town guy though, and we quickly found that our goals matched pretty well, and it didn’t take me long to propose. Her mom was great with it as long as my family was cool with a child from another relationship (they are ecstatic to have a new grandson.)

        It was quite the whirlwind, but it was something we both as people committed wholeheartedly to. My wife and I are very happy (and angry at times) but the cultural differences are not insurmountable. The way I reckon it, it’s largely a matter of being honest and mutually appreciating the ways in which you complement each other.

        • An adorable and rather rare story!
          Thanks so much for taking the time to write it down for us!
          Was it a problem for you that she already brought a child into the relationship? How old was your son when you got married?
          Did he have issues with suddenly having a “foreign dad”?

  • Great article!! :thumbup: It seems like for guys, the biggest problem is language. And, I also think that J-women tend to be a bit more progressive (and are definitely more eager to drop traditional gender roles) :sweatdrop: But who knows, maybe with more and more progressive women, the men will follow suit as well?? :happy:

    • In my experience, most relationships around me (though I live in the countryside) trend toward traditional gender roles. Perhaps in some places women are looking for foreign men to escape traditional roles of that nature. I am not an expert. Most of my peeps in the countryside still fall into the same roles, even if the wife works full time.

      My wife is the same. She just finished tomorrow’s laundry so I can sit on my ass and do nothing if I feel like it (I will probably scrub the kitchen and bathroom while she is at work.) There are plenty of women who don’t like the traditional obligations that I’ve talked to, but they fulfill them anyway.

      Not saying that is right or wrong. Not my place really. I just get away with cooking and cleaning when my wife is not looking ;)

    • Glad you like it.
      Hm. I don’t doubt that it might happen, but as we all know changes in Japan can always take a looong time. It will certainly be interesting to see where this is going in the next few decades, though. :D

  • What I have found is that language barriers tend not to be an issue as long as you are getting along well. Its when you’re NOT getting along that it can be a big problem..

  • I was in Japan After the war in the 70s…I met a lot of very beautiful, wonderful women in Kyoto. I was treated with honor and respect..I never had a problem ..I was taught a lot about life in japan. Customs ,Arts .etc…I had the honor of meeting a very nice geisha. Then I learned a lot more .Kimiko and I remained friends till her passing a few years ago. I believe the women of japan are the most beautiful in the world in heart and spirit. All I did was to be myself…The ladies I met really liked it. I became a buddist and still practice today 40 years later. Japan is a beautiful place filled with very beautiful Ladies….Give respect and honor and you will receive the same.. Japanese ladies are like their lotus flowers forever beautiful

    • What a wonderful story and I’m so glad to hear you made friends and learned about Japanese culture back then.
      I’m sure things have changed a lot nowadays. I would have loved to experience Japan in the 70s, but I wasn’t even born yet. ^^;

  • Getting women is no different than in the states. That is of course, if you’re looking for quality and not the ones that want the novelty of a foreigner bf. So, that’s not a biggie.

    However, dating JP women… I don’t know. I never really had expectations considering I’ve never met any Japanese before coming to Tokyo. Culture does come into play (Disneyland for dates… really???) However, with the experience, I can def. say I’d prefer an American(ized) or Western one over a Japanese one. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule… but that’s what I’ve realized.

  • This is really rare to see western men who lived in Japan go back to prefer western woman. I am glad this exists too :thumbup:

    Actually I know a lot people (men) who things japanese woman are the best women in the world, because they got yellow fever. They really say they can connect with them better, they are nicer, more polite and more sweeter/beautiful than any other woman. And if they get to know or even manage to get a japanese gf, they are sooo proud. It is like their Life-goal!
    “I am proud to have an asian/ Jp- gf,” What the hell? You are proud just because she is asian/Jp? You must really love her….not. :notamused:

    “I want to marry a japanese woman in the future” I ask them: “Why? Do you know any japanese women or have you been to Japan?” “No, but I really want, Japan seems so perfect for me and the woman are all so beautiful and have a great character, it matches better for me”. Oh, okaaay. Seriously?! You have to be kidding me..

    I have tons of examples like this. Maybe they think this way because of the media, you can find only beautiful women in the japanese media, so it can be a reason for this “perfect woman”-Image.

    They prefer the race…It creeps me really out! Unfortunatly I am always connected to people who have a Japan-desire, because of my university studies. I never met a man who studied japanese, who is not attracted or interested in japanese women.

    I can not escape from this and actually, it makes me a bit sad. For example: I am small too, i have dark hair and dark eyes and a light skin but oops, I dont have an “asian face” and “japanese character”. “Sorry, but you are not asian/japanese” – Isn’t this racism too for both sides? I think it is. :hum:

    How should I not feel a bit sad about this way of thinkng? I am sure I am not the only woman who experienced things like that. And that is a really crazy thing!! It should not be like that.

    • I know what you mean. I think that’s one reason why there are so many divorces between foreign men and Japanese women in the end. False expectations – on both sides.
      Of course, I’m happy for all the couples who are truly in love and stay together for a long time or even forever, but reality is often not that sweet.
      Personally I don’t think it’s right to choose a partner based on nationality, but maybe that’s just me.

      I really understand how you feel and I know it must be VERY annoying to be together with people like that almost every single day. T___T

    • Well, I never “went back” to liking Western women, lol. Those were always on my radar. I guess I never had an expectation of Japan & Japanese women as I’d never met them prior to Japan.

      I can’t explain otaku guys wanting J girls. I’ll just say it’s a certain racial/cultural stereotype about J-girls that they keep affirming to themselves. An overload of anime, j-drama, and other obsessions may do that to you.. I haven’t had that, lol. Only watched a few after coming here. That may explain the J-fever. They just want them for the cultural image they have of them. Kind of like J-girls want foreigners for similar reasons (esp. J girls that love hip hop and hence are into black guys)

      For me however, (and pardon my guy instincts), I go for what’s attractive first, personality second. So, just as my eyes will wander towards a hot tan blonde white woman… they’ll just as equally wander at a really hot Asian girl… or a Spanish girl. But, I don’t have that image that I’m labeling them with, I think. Whew. Tough subject.

      • I think I got what you’re trying to say, though.
        You’re not going after a certain nationality, but just for whatever you find attractive and if that happens to be a J-girl, so it’ll be?
        I think that’s the best way to go.

        For a long-term, serious relationship, I think personality should matter a lot as well, though. ;)

  • I think so too :) It is not so worse now, but it is my experience through all these years I studied japanese. :stressed: I know not all people who are interested in Japan are like that. Thank god,haha. But a few are and this is really creepy. :whyohwhy:

    Sometimes I get angry about all this otaku-men, but now I think we have to give them a smile, because they are so naive.

    For everyone else i am happy too and hope they have a great time.^^

    • You have to ask yourself: Are they worth your time? Should you get wrinkles just because you get angry at them?
      I guess just smiling is the better choice although it can be very hard sometimes. ;)

  • @Zoomingjapan:

    Where did you got these cases of foreign man/Japanese woman couple?

    Perhaps I could be of help of a non-Nordic/American westerner and be the first Latin American man/Japanese woman couple if you would like to. I would be more than happy to contribute to your blog.

    Cheers!

    • Hello E.O.! :)

      They are all fellow Japan bloggers. Some of them I’ve met in person. So, I just asked people I knew already. :D

      Thanks a lot for “offering yourself”. I really appreciate it. I haven’t planned another post in this series yet, but if I’ll ever do a “Latin (American) version”, I’ll gladly come back to that kind offer! ^__^

      • @zoomingjapan:

        Ah, I see. It makes sense since I see some German men in these cases.

        Well, I was not trying to like put a Latin American version per se as dividing people sounds mean. Rather, I see that all the cases here are from an English or Germanic countries, it would be of a nice change to have a Latin case here to make it more diverse and to let Latin or Mediterranean readers the myth that many JP women prefer Nordic looking men is false, which is stereotypical of course.

        Also, not to sound superficial or mean, but I remember you mentioned most Westerner man/JP woman couple, the guys are almost all the time ugly to average, thus I want to also break that myth since though I am not a super model, I have been considered good looking and dress well, thus also breaking the stereotype of the “ugly”, poorly dressed Western man with the attractive JP girl.

        What you think? I think it will be a great contribution despite I do not know you personally, but if given the chance, I would be more than happy to contribute to my case since if it sounds stereotypical it can be disappointing for the readers, and the purpose of yoour blog I think it is not this but rather encourage readers to feel confident about themselves when visiting JP.

        Cheers!

        • The funny thing, though, is that it’s not the German ones I’ve met. ;)

          I’m sure a lot of people would be interested. I’ve lined up another post in that series already, so that will go out next.
          Currently I’m also extremely busy, so I have no idea when I’ll working on the next one, but if you’re willing to share your story with my readers at a later time, I’ll be gladly coming back to you then. :)

          In the meantime, you can also share whatever you want in a comment.

Leave a Comment