Life in Japan

The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner

Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then this post is exactly what you’ve been looking for!

However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me! smilie

Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:


Dating Experience is Different for Foreign Women and Men

If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time, there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.

You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!

A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.

Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.

For foreign women, it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay-home moms, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.

Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.

These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this.


Dating in Japan as a Foreign Man:

As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason, Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..

It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.

All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys, it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy. They suffer from the so-called superstar syndrome.


Dating in Japan as a Foreign Woman:

For (Western) foreign women in Japan it’s a completely different story.
Japanese guys are often too shy or even scared and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.

It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese guy, but it is still the BIG exception!

Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.

It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.


Differences in Relationships:

I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.

Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.


Foreign Man + Japanese Woman:

In relationships where the man is foreign, I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.

I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him. smilie
Consequently, a lot of foreign men in Japan don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of all the important things.

One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.

Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.


Foreign Woman + Japanese Man:

For the opposite constellation, you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.

They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.

The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kinds of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t, seem to accept that there are cultural differences. So, they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.

All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.


Conclusion: Dating in Japan

There’s so much more that could be said about this topic. I’d love to discuss it with you, so get involved in the comment section below.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this.

All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.

Read on:


If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:


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  • LOL. It’s true that it’s a shame that I was not interested in Japan when I was young and single, that would have be very fun I suspect. :-)

    As you said, everyone has their own experience, and from a language perspective, I find it interesting that, while it is my case (we speak French at home, as we ended up moving here well before I knew anything about the Japanese language), every other bi-national couple that I know in town speak Japanese at home, regardless of who is the foreigner in the couple.
    I guess it may come from the fact that most foreigners who end up living in Takamatsu are not your “usual foreigner in Japan.” (those live in Tokyo or Osaka, they don’t even know that’s in possible to live somewhere else in the country)
    And it’s true that my wife takes care of many things I’d take care of if we were anywhere else (like buying a cell phone) and while I wish I could do it, it’s just easier that way. Concerning managing the budget, she does it, has always done it, and I don’t remember if I asked for it, but I’m pretty happy about that and this is not an issue at all. She can manage a budget, I suck at it, it makes sense that she do it.

    • A very interesting point. I think it certainly makes a difference where in Japan you live although I know couples who live in the countryside and “he” still can’t speak any Japanese.
      Your case is without a doubt different from the cases I was talking about, but everyone has their own story and I love to read / hear about them.
      I’m glad you have no problem with your wife taking care of the money! :)

    • Hello zoomingjapan, I assume you are a woman, as your article seems to show so.

      I personally know plenty of women in healthy relatioship with Japnese nationals, as I know plenty of men as well that go against your stereotypes.

      Not to say that your stereotypes don’t apply at all, ther eare certainly plenty examples that support your thesis.

      I disagree where you say that you see ugly men having it easy, this is my personal opinion but if you were not good at dating in your homecountry you won’t be good at dating here either.
      I happen to know many single western men as well that have no luck finding a date regardless of the country of origin.

      When you say women feels less attractive, could it be this is more related to the average western dating culture instead? In my homecountry men are basically hitting on anything that breathes, often in a very sexist way, women are used to have plenty of men hitting on them until they chose a viable partner.

      In Japan, Japanese men tend to take relationship more seriously (as the first step toward marriage), so they tend to not hit on any woman they see. In my opinion this can be a bug advantage to a western woman dating life: you can basically avoid dating less serious/less committed men.

  • I really like this blog about relationships :thumbup:

    Maybe you can also write a blog about the differences in behaviour of Japanese and western men ?
    For us women who are interested in dating a Japanese man, to avoid any troubles. Because as you wrote, it isn’t easy for a western woman to get a relationship with a Japanese man.
    I believe that Japanese men are more polite and serious than western men, at least, the (Dutch) ones I dated :stressed:

  • Sorry to take the discussion to different direction, but…
    One “part” of the problem with Japanese males have with starting to date foreign women is about the horizontal mambo in the bedroom. The universal trait is that guys are quite interested in that aspect of relationships.

    Many of my male friends have told me (while quite drunk) that they feel they might not be suitable for foreign ladies due to their “Japanese size”. I guess it is a delicate matter even though people say that it doesn’t matter. So the Japanese guys go for the girls that they think are more “compatible” in that area.

    • That’s very interesting, but I wonder if that’s really true.
      Like there are rumors that all Japanese guys are short, but they’re not. There are so many taller guys out there as well.

      And I understand we’re not talking about height here, but if that’s a rumor maybe the other thing isn’t true either! ;)
      But of course I can understand if guys are worried about it, although it’s a shame.

      • My work schedule to China/Japan was changed, with no chance for an inexpensive massage, so I arrived in MIA without having one in a while. I needed one pretty bad. I asked a bunch of people walking around…no one knew where to go…kept walking and saw a “Massage” sign across the parking lot of the closest grocery store….Finally!

        On arrival found out all the women working there were Chinese. Once in the room, the lady told me to take off all my clothes…I’m OK with that, now that I’m not a kid. It is just a little unsettling now…not a MAJOR ORDEAL like it used to be. Her massage was really great….I do massage for family and friends, and when I got a massage that is crap, it is quite frustrating.

        During the massage she told me she moved to NYC from China, and lived there a few years before moving to MIA. She told me she had a US boyfriend in NYC…and it was very nice. Out of the blue she said that the guys in the US were bigger than the Chinese guys. She said they weren’t longer, but were thicker (and then showed me with her hands, to emphasize the point!), and she really liked that feature about the US guys. It seemed to me she had done a lot of massages and seen a lot of Chinese and US guys.

        Now, as for Japan, I have no idea.

        Note: I read that a guy’s size has not much to do with their height, and nothing to do with their shoe size. What correlates is the length of their index fingers, relative to the size of their hands/bodies. So, guys with proportionally longer index fingers are longer…but as the Chinese lady said, she didn’t care how long they were…and I’ve never read anything about girth sizes or how you can tell how “Phat” someone is.

        Based on what I have seen in Japan, and what I have read, I would recommend the ladies DEFINITELY take the initiative in Japan, whether it’s to ask a Japanese guy our, or a Gaijin (sp?) guy out. I know that I would MUCH rather date/marry an American girl who lives(ed) in HKG or NRT/NGO, rather than one who lives in Duck Creek, WI, and is clueless (the place actually exists!!!).

    • Interesting post, I admire your forwardness although I don’t agree with everything- maybe I’ve had a different experience. I’m in a serious relationship with a Japanese guy, but I’m the one who doesn’t speak much Japanese and I do appreciate his help to get things sorted (bank, phone) even though I’ve been doing this by myself for the past 3 years. We have a great relationship, and from what I’ve seen, foreign girls + Japanese male is a much better combo than foreign male + Japanese girl. You are so right! Here’s my take on my own blog, for foreign girls- let me know what you think!

      • Hi Vivian!

        OMG! I remember your blog from a few years ago. I used to read it a lot, but then just lost sight of it! ^___^
        Thanks so much for sharing your view with us.

        I’m still working on a post where I gather my readers’ experience (from those who are married to or together with a Japanese male).
        Let me know if you’re interested in contributing as well! :D

      • Just from the aesthetics of it, Asian men and women age much better than us westerners. I know that there is so much more to a relationship than appearance, but at the the end of the day, you will be much happier looking at a person that is appealing. I think a lot of the Asian women with an older foreigner is based more on money than actual attraction. I mean seriously, with few exceptions where the western man is just crazy good looking, it’s not hard to figure out why she is there. I’m sure it happens on the flip-side where the Asian man has bank and that’s why she (western girl is there) but that would be the exception.

    • Blimey, you are a master of generalisation aren’t you!! You think men are more interested in the “horizontal mambo” than women?! think again. Also if you want to say sex, just say it, don’t use twee little euphemisms, this is 2014, we all know what sex is.

  • Thinking back, I think you might be onto something with foreign women having an interest in language and culture and that being a requisite for a relationship with Japanese guys. Mind, most of my acquaintances and friends that got married to a Japanese party have studied Japanese studies, so there you go. But more women got married to Japanese men than men married to Japanese women, hmm…

    I don’t really recall anyone ever trying to pick me up, although I do regularly receive compliments. Only “pick-up” I had was in Akihabara when an otaku asked me if I wanted to go to a love hotel in front of the Kotobukiya… ahem…

    I’ve noticed that a few of my foreign friends do get a lot of attention from Japanese men though. Most of that is in the lewd category though, i.e. the nampa kind, out for a one night stand and not interested in a relationship.

    I do have some Japanese men among my friends that I would consider as boyfriend material, but as I’ve been in a steady relationship since before I came to Japan, I can’t really comment on the mechanics :) They’re generally an educated and “open to the world” kind though and I got to know all of them through work, so there you go.

    • How did you react to the invitation of that otaku? *g*
      What a brave otaku, though! ;)

      I think it’s a very complicated topic – as you can see with all the diverse comments here, but I think we can all agree that usually we see much more couples on the street where there’s a Western guy and a Japanese woman and not vice versa – and there’s gotta be a reason for that.

  • Dating in any culture is interesting but then to thrown in cross-cultural dating with all the hidden agendas is a complicated load to deal with. What seems to be missing is a true connection and intimacy. But in the end, I’m a believer in fate and that the right person shows up at the right time. Just like the Asian story of when two people are born there’s a metaphoric red string that draws them closer together until they meet. So I guess the lesson is not to settle in life.

    By the way, I enjoy reading your insightful postings. You’re a very good writer who throws in humor at just the right moments. At least I hope the humor is intentional.
    I look forward to reading more!

    • Talking about relationships, no matter if cross-cultural or not, is always complicated as each is very unique and has its own story. I totally agree and I like the idea of the red string, although I personally don’t believe in it.

      Thank you very much.
      I often feel that my writing is not good because English is not my native language and I can’t express everything as elaborate as I want to.
      So the mistakes are not intentional, but the humor is! ;)

  • Whoa, back up. You write a lot of thoughtful pieces, and don’t often repeat the well-worn myths about Japan, but saying that Japan is a good place for guys to meet women? Say what? You’re right about the woman’s perspective, but are you sure you want to speak for the guys too?

    As a handsome foreign guy, I’ll let you in on a secret. Japan’s a terrible place to meet chicks. If you’re a good-looking guy with a reasonable amount of game, your odds are better back home. Lots of foreign guys end up with really average (and below average) Japanese women after being in the bars every night of the week looking. If you’re a guy thinking you’re going to come to Japan and have an easy time of it, forget it. You’ll get a ton of attention, as Japanese women are shameless flirts, but make no mistake, they’re playing a calculated game. Guys with skills will do better elsewhere.

    The men who stay all end up getting married, right? But—and I hate to be crass here—from a guy’s perspective, why get married if you can get all the women you want for free? The reality is, hooking up with Japanese chicks is a ton of work. Can you do it if you stay out late every night? Sure, you’ll take home something eventually. But you can do that anywhere.

    If you really want the guy’s perspective, from someone with—how to put this delicately?—a ton of experience on this subject, then maybe we can do a cross-post. I guess that wasn’t so delicate, huh? Anyway, you’re always welcome at Japanese Rule of 7. I love your writing, but I think you’re a bit off the mark here.

    • Don’t forget that I write from a female point of view.
      Of course, I can’t speak for the guys, but I can present it the way that I and many other foreign women in Japan see it.
      Whether that’s really true or not is something a foreign guy has to tell us in the end, BUT you won’t deny that there are a lot of foreign guys who love to brag about how awesome they are because they get so many Japanese chicks.
      And if that’s the only input we get paired with the fact that we see so many foreign guys with Japanese women out there, but almost zero foreign girls with a Japanese man, then there you go. ;)

      Of course, it was intentional and I wanted to provoke to get reactions like yours, because I simply can’t write from a guy’s perspective, so I need your comments to cover up for that! *g*
      And you did exactly that, so thank you very much!

      And you know that I LOVE your writing! ^____^

    • What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you are a western guy with decent social skills, you might do better elsewhere. It would be misleading to think that once you get to Japan, you will immediately meet a lot of ‘high quality’ chicks ready to date you.

      Having said this, if you are willing to put effort into understanding the culture, nothing will stop you from dating Japanese girls. But this is a very different mindset from “get as many chicks as possible,” and you will generally need something other than going to a bar and hitting on girls randomly.

    • So to sum it up – high standards have no place in Japan, whether you are a Western female or a Western male. Sad.

      Now how do we get those people together in one group so they can date each other?

  • As a foreign woman that has dated the locals in Asia, I know that the scene can be a tough place for a western woman trying to snag a Japanese/Chinese/Korean/whatever guy.

    When I first came to Japan I thought the western men had it easy, too. I thought: man, they could just sit on a park bench and after 5 minutes—bam! Have flocks of women come to them without lifting a finger! In contrast, western women have to put in a ton of effort just to get a guy to respond back to a text message.

    But then, after living in Japan (and later China) for a long time, I started to spend more time with your average Japanese woman at the office. I also started to see what kind of Japanese women my western-man-friends were typically dating. At first, I was jealous because Japanese women are nice, polite, absolutely adorable–basically, something I could not compete with. But the more I stayed in Japan, the more I realized these Japanese women spent about 80% of their salary on new outfits and accessories while putting quite the effort into looking like a real-life anime character (with mannerisms to match).

    I also found that a good percentage of Japanese women just… weren’t that interesting. And when I took a harder look at my male counterpart’s girlfriends, I wasn’t super impressed. I realized that (like in most countries, probably) finding a decent )(Japanese) woman is hard. Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan. While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with (unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot).

    As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens. But I guess now we know how men in the states feel—we aint gonna get nothin unless we go out there and be 積極的. But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run. But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. They’re all probably going to age into overworked salarymen that read porn on the train. Probably.

    And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men. I don’t have statistics, but when I lived in Japan I was hard pressed to meet foreign women that spoke Japanese—and the reason was mostly because they didn’t have Japanese boyfriends. Thus, they didn’t get Japanese practice. What I HAVE met a lot of are western men that speak fluent Japanese, but sound like girls—thanks to all that practice with their wives/girlfriends.

    I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! They’re absolutely amazing, and your English is crazy–way better than mine. Keep up the good work :)

    • Hello Mary!
      Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!
      While reading I felt like standing up and screaming: “That’s right!”
      I feel exactly the same about a lot of the Japanese women here. And I’ve heard from guys that complained about being shocked after they saw their chicks without make-up.
      Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for.
      But especially the “newbies” need some time to realize that.

      I’m glad to read that it can be the opposite, too.
      After all it’s just my experience that the guys can’t speak any Japanese, but most foreign women do.

      And thank you so much for the nice compliments! ^_^

    • Mary, you sound like a typical bitter insufferably entitled Western women that it’s no wonder some men flock over to other countries where the playing field is more reasonable. B-b-b-but men should approach me! I don’t understand why foreign men are so interested in Japanese women but not me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! It’s actually hard for men to find companionship in Japan! Cry me a river sweet-heart. Now you know what’s it’s like for literally every single guy in the Western world.

      I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy (fit, confident, etc). Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder. But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. It reminds me of that comic “Charisma Man.”

      I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left. After a few months back in America dating the same boring college girls, I decided I’d give the distance a chance. We’ve been dating for several months now and Skype pretty much every day. She has already spent some time with me in America. You know what? She isn’t the most interesting person in the world. She’s actually very quiet. But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. After several months of dating, I’ve found that she has strong family values. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. I can’t help but think that, wow, she would be a fantastic mother someday (I’m almost 27, Ph.D track, so family is something I’m thinking about lately). She told me that she was obedient and loyal when I expressed doubts about the distance, which was a little weird, but it’s refreshing compared to the million requirements that attractive western women have on their list.

      One aspect of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance. When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own. She refused. She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections. She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. First world problems.

      I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan. I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. Let’s just say that there is a greater quantity of women that have traditional values, i.e., they aspire to be a wife and a mother. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves. That 80% of their income on clothes and accessories? Well, it pays off. Compare to the typical walrus you see waddling down the streets of any American town/city who has the ego of a fucking 9/10. Yeah, no thanks.

      According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan. See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City? She’s probably had sex with 30 men. Great girlfriend/wife material, amirite?

      • I had so much fun reading your reply John. I laughed so hard, and I am in absolute agreement with your statements. I had a non stop 2 minute all break out laughter when I read the comment about walrus waddling— ego of a fucking 9/10. That cracked me up.
        Also I felt so happy for your connection with this lady from Shibuya, and it is something special to read about from others experiences.

        The eye fucking and giggling, etc. reminds me of how my life typically have been from the age of 16-29. After 30, it seems to have stopped, but I think this is mostly because I have become more reclusive, and I mostly work. But After reading your experience, maybe I should take a visit there.

        What I am interested in, is how did you get in touch with this girl in Shibuya, did you meet at a bar, comic store etc. and what was your initial approach?

        You have to be somewhat special type of a person to make it long term with these Grizzly women in the western parts of the hemisphere. But then again, I guess they are every where…It seems Norwegian women and American women share a lot in common, based on what you are describing. Phew…

        How do one “detect” the “half child” hunters which they are referring to in the article? (feel free to reply Zoomingjapan).

  • I think this is one of those subjects that just doesn’t work well in generalities. It is definitely interesting to read your point of view. I think that a lot of the stereotypes are just that, and may not reflect as much reality as we perceive.

    That being said… I’ve spent the last 5 years on small islands so I don’t get mixed up in the larger expat community/gaijin hunter/bar hunting/ whatever that goes on elsewhere so unlike Ken, I’m no expert. ;P

    From what little I have seen and heard about, there are definitely often differences in relationship expectations on both sides, and for those that don’t consider those differences before jumping into a relationship (or worse getting married) they can often show up in a big way later.

    Thanks for sharing your perspective!

    • Oh, it certainly does not, but you would have to write a whole book about it if you want to cover it all! ;)

      ‘Nuff said.
      I totally agree. Relationships, no matter if cross-cultural or not, are always complicated and it’s not something we should generalize. After all each one is unqiue.

  • Ken Seeroi: I seriously doubt that you will find a really interesting girl in a bar. These are found by accident, at work, in a university, etc.

    I thought “Mary” had a lot of good, insightful remarks.

    I would also like to say that you cannot put all “foreign” men in the same bag, nor women, for that matter. French, Spanish and Italian men behave quite differently from Northern Europeans. They are also very different from Americans. I would assume South Americans are similar to southern Europeans, being influenced by Hispanic culture. European women are not so aggressive as Americans. I could go on.

    • Simone, I agree with you. When I read that “getting one woman after another into your bed is really easy,” I naturally think of a bar situation. But you’re right, meeting someone with matching interests might better be accomplished elsewhere. Regardless, the notion that getting Japanese girls into bed is “really easy” is simply untrue, and I hate to see the myth perpetuated here.

  • This was my long winded way of saying that those different people will have a different experience in Japan. And that some knowledge of the other person’s culture will always help.

  • Unfortunately that’s just too true about foreign men not speaking Japanese. I work with some guys who have been in Japan as long as me, or who have been married around the same time, and their Japanese is basic at best.
    Then I also have a female foreign co-worker, who can’t even go to the doctor without her boyfriend translating. I would feel really helpless if I was here and couldn’t get anything done by myself, especially because my husband doesn’t really have time in his schedule to sort everything out for me.

    • There are a lot of people like that everywhere it seems.
      I just don’t get them, though.
      Do they like feeling helpless? What happens if they lose their partner or get divorced?
      Well, probably they’ll just move back home then.

  • Here again you cannot generalize! I have traveled in Japan several times with a British company, InsideJapan Tours, and all the guides were British or Americans and fluent in Japanese [plus they read and wrote it]. That was true also of their one French guide [who was married to a Japanese woman met abroad].
    [Btw, I travel in Japan on my own now]

  • I stayed in Singapore for 9 years and dating there was impossible. First of all the quality of men in general and secondly, if you went out with your friends they always try to compare themselves to the Angmo. That’s the word for gaijin but not flattering at all, meaning red devil, there are also other translations. Secondly I got so much offended with comprising like: “Oh, you look like an lobster (because I had a slight sunburn), or so ugly, so many freckles or my girl friend looks better than Sandra Bullok or you Western girls want to much sex. It was amusing with all the stereo type opinions. My female colleagues at work always said they are not allowed to date a foreigner but they always dated foreigner or try to date foreigners. They would be someone special.
    Japanese men in comparasing to the Singapore guys are really refreshing and they amuse me with they kind behavior and politeness. The dress code is much better than the flip flop, short wearing Ah Bengs in Singapore (yak). Almost 80% of Japanese are husband material but (at least the one I met) …. life will be not very exciting as if you date a German/American guy. It’s more action, definitely. My girl friend biggest worry was that sex will be bad because of the size. Well, let me tell you you don’t need to worry about that.
    What Western girls have to worry about Japanese man is that after kids there is no more sex. At least for a lot of couples. Not only the women don’t want sex, also the men. I heard it so often. They would be perfect Christians.
    Also Japanese men don’t really know how to flirt or to pamper women, they are way back in this department. This is in later years maybe a problem. I know a few intercultural marriages where they in later years divorced because this sense for flirt and pampering is missing.
    Women want to feel special, right? It doesn’t matter from what culture you are or from what country you come from, a relationship is always work.

    • Thanks so much for sharing your expeirence with us!
      I’ve never been to Singapore (though I’d love to travel there), so it was interesting to read about men there as well!

      P.S.: Hast du meine E-Mail erhalten? ^___^;

  • I am one of those rare cases: Western woman with a Japanese boyfriend. But I live in Germany, so I guess that makes a difference somehow.
    When our relationship started to become more serious and I stayed overnight, my boyfriend told me, that he needs time to get used to waking up next to a lady with a “not-asian-looking” face. He said, that I felt “unreal” to him, like I am a character from a manga or anime with my big blue eyes and blond hair and long nose (he sometimes compares me to a “doll”, which I don’t really like as I am of flesh and bones). And yes, he thinks my nose is pretty, while I totally don’t like my nose because it is too long.
    Also, he can not get enough of telling me how beautiful and kawaii I am (in my opinion I’m just average-looking) and how much he loves me. Words he rarely used back in Japan, because it is an embarrasing thing to do. He hugs and kisses me whenever he gets the chance to do. Also in public. This is another thing that Japanese people apparently don’t do. In all, there seems to be less physical contact, also in private amongst couples or family-members. But here in Europe it is normal, so he doesn’t have to stick to those inoffical rules of society.
    One of the more shocking facts: after living in Gemany for 4 years, he still thinks, most German women look like monsters because they are too tall, too big, too fat and don’t wear Make-up (seemingly I’m the only exception…). We already had a lot of discussions about the ideal of beauty and how a woman should look, dress and behave to attract a guy.

    • Hi Lio! :D

      Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with us!
      I can totally relate to the “Your long nose is so beautiful!” topic! It happens to me all the time. I don’t get why they like long noses. We Westeners would all love to have their cute “Stubsnasen”. *g*

      It’s very interesting to hear about the “opposite side”. A Japanese guy as the foreigner in Germany and what he thinks about German women!
      From what you describe it seems, he’s making full use of the new freedom he got in Germany. There are no social restrictions, so he can tell you many times how much he loves you and hug or even kiss you in public. :kyah:

      I wonder if other Japanese guys actually would love to do it, but don’t because of social restrictions OR if many are just too shy to say / do things.
      I’d love to do a case study about that. Hohoho~ :hihi:

  • I think one important thing to note here is that the relationship works best if both are interested in learning about their partner’s culture. Being able to speak the language is definitely a major part of that, and so you feel so much more free to express yourself if both partners have experience with the each other’s languages. Learning your partner’s language shows that you care about their culture and want to get to know them better. It shows that you respect their family and origins. Also, I think that if you have learned a language for someone, you are putting a lot of effort into the relationship – the Alpha and Omega of relationships.

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