Life in Japan

Dating A Japanese Woman: What’s It Really Like?!

Today I’m very happy to present you a guest post by a great fellow Japan blogger.
It’s Ken Seeroi from “Japanese Rule of 7“. I’m sure you’ve heard of him, and I highly recommend reading his blog. I adore his writing style. You’ll learn what life in Japan is really like – in a funny and sometimes sarcastic way. Check it out!
Guest Blogger Ken Seeroi About Dating Japanese Women

“I’m originally from the U.S. I first came to Japan in 2003, and started studying Japanese shortly thereafter. I moved here permanently in 2008, at which point I gave up eating cheeseburgers, wearing wrinkled t-shirts, and speaking English. This has had some mixed results, but at least my wardrobe looks fantastic and my cholesterol level is nice and low.

I spend a tremendous amount of time asking Japanese people, in Japanese, what they think about Japan, love, sex, foreigners, language, and everything else under the sun. This seems to elicit very different results than speaking in English. What I see often seems unlike the Japan depicted in books and on the net, and sometimes I wonder, What country are these people talking about? Anyway, I just try to present what I’ve learned and experienced in the most authentic way possible, so hopefully others can think about Japan in a well-rounded manner.”

 

This article is an insightful and slightly controversial follow-up to “Is Dating Japanese Women Really That Easy?

 

1. Approaching A Japanese Woman

Sure, Just walk up and Whoops! spill a drink down her blouse. Works every time. Because actually no matter what you say or do, a certain number of them will pretend to like you. That’s the game.

Western women will generally let you know up front that they’re not interested in you, while Japanese women will act cute and ooh-and-ahh over you while secretly thinking you’re an idiot. Like so many interactions in Japan, things often start off promising, only to become vastly more complicated before hot dog hits bun, so to speak.

First of all, understand that very few Japanese women are interested in dating men of other races.

You’re an immigrant, and well, who wants to date those people? Of course, if you hang around in gaijin bars, then yeah, you’ll meet the one-percent of “Japanese chicks who study English.”
And they’ll come equipped with tons of stereotypical ideas about white, black, and miscellaneous brown people. They’re like, “Oh, you eat sushi rolls, and drink sake? Wow, that’s so cool!” Yeah, real cool.
Don’t forget to mention your manga collection and the fact you’re a yellow belt in karate. They’ll love that.

So when you initially meet someone new, you’re already pre-defined as “a foreigner,” someone whose skin color, clothing, habits, and beliefs places them instantly outside of the social order. Overcoming the racial stereotypes and just being treated as a normal person is a big barrier.

Then, consider what most women want in a partner: someone financially secure, respected in society, and with whom they can build a family. Then there’s you. Driving a sweet Mercedes through the middle of Shibuya. Oh, you ride a basket bike? Well, that’s cool too. Chicks dig a guy with the ability to smuggle ET to safety.

Have a house? A job with a future? Or are you just going to peace out back to Canada and live with your mom after a couple of years? How will you raise a family? Can you even read? What woman would settle for an illiterate man with no money and little social standing?
A woman with few other options, apparently.

 

2. The Truth About Getting Married With a Japanese Woman

I gotta level with you. As a man, you’re setting yourself up to be the breadwinner in a society where you’re a perpetual outsider with minimal advancement opportunities. If you get married, or have kids, you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye.

Case in point, I ran in my buddy Tim-Bob the other day, having beers in a gaijin bar. I call him Tim-Bob, because the first time we met, I thought his name was Tim, and the second time I thought his name was Robert. Then after we became friends he finally told me, “You know, my name’s actually Jeff.” Turns out I’d been calling him by the wrong names for about a year. Hey, is it my fault Tim-Bob slurs terribly? Must be all that beer.

Anyway, Tim-Bob was halfway into his fourth drink and onto a familiar lamentation about his Japanese wife.

Every night I go home,” he said, “and she’s on me to do the dishes, vacuuming, and change diapers. It’s like I can never relax.

And that’s why God invented Irish bars,” I said. Ken Seeroi, master of putting a positive spin on things since 2013.

“Anyway, she’s probably stressed, with taking care of your daughter and all.”

Yeah, don’t tell me about stress,” he said. “We haven’t had sex since she was born.

Uh, yeah, I thought your daughter was like two.

Two and a half,” he said.

Jeeez, that’s almost as bad as Ray. He’s in the same boat with his lady.

Nah, it’s not that grim,” he replied. “Ray’s daughter’s three.

So the deal is, if your wife has a job, she’s likely to be stuck in a low-paying position where she works every day until 11 p.m. Well obviously that sucks, so it makes more sense for her to stay at home and take care of the house and kids. Don’t worry, she’ll make this quite clear as time goes on. And you’ll have kids for sure, because that cements the argument. She’ll see to that.

Dating a Japanese Woman

Japanese people value working ridiculously hard, and they’ll expect you to do the same.

So now your wife’s at home every day, washing the sheets, scrubbing the bathtub, and cooking meals, which sounds all hunky dory, except that she’s going to require the same amount of effort from you. That means you can forget about breezing home at five, ordering an extra-large pizza, putting your feet up, and watching TV. What is this, the Philippines? No, you either have to stay at the office until midnight, or come home and get busy. So it’s work late, or iron sheets. Your choice. And that’s where salarymen come from, Jimmy.

These ideas aren’t just hers alone, of course. The entire society functions in this way.
Once her family and friends hear about you lazing around the house on the weekends, or out riding your skateboard or whatever, they’ll pressure you to get a second job, or at least work in the garden. Imada-san holds down two jobs. Takeda-san raises all the vegetables for his family. What’s wrong with you? Hope you like hoeing turnips, cause that’s all the hoeing you’re gonna be doing for a long, long time.

Will your salary be sufficient? Sure, for about six months. Then the money troubles will start. Your wife can’t make more, since she’s a Japanese woman, but Oh, you sure can. Plus, now suddenly she’s pregnant again, and you need a car, and junior’s not going to survive on them turnips alone.
So after you finish tilling the earth, you better head off to teach a weekends-worth of corporate classes.

 

3. Dating in Japan – Western Women Vs Western Men

Think about a typical salaryman. Now think about a typical Japanese woman. Understand that they’re exactly the same. Identical in every way – not exactly fountains of energy and interesting conversation, if you know what I mean. And when it comes to solving relationship problems, they’re fully equipped with a skill-set that includes such gems as sulking, pouting, and passive aggression.

They’re merely flip-sides of the same coin, only one wears a suit while the other puts on fake eyelashes and a push-up bra. Put enough make-up and hairspray on a soccer ball and it’d look pretty good too. Come ‘ere, Wilson.

I’ve heard foreign women complain that they can’t meet Japanese men, but eh, I’m not so sure.
Seems like you’d have no problem if you were willing to A) Settle for anything that walks, and B) Plan interesting activities for your loved one to enjoy, do virtually all of the talking, and pretend to find him infinitely fascinating. Be sure to make lots of jokes and entertain him.

That’s some of what dating a Japanese woman entails. The difference is that men will put forth whatever effort necessary, and settle for a woman who’s boring, poorly educated, unemployed, even unattractive, so long as it results in some sex. Sorry, I meant, “true love.” My fingers slipped off the keys. Gotta quit eating this extra-large pizza while I type. Anyway, it’s not easy for foreign men; we just have ridiculously low standards.

 

4. Case Study (A.K.A. Ken’s Personal Weird Experiences)

Okay, let me give you a few snapshots. Like I was on a date with this Japanese girl – this was a couple of years ago – and we went to a Mexican restaurant. They have really good fish tacos. And we were hitting it off, drinking Coronas and laughing and making flirty eyes and then out of nowhere, and bear in mind this was our first date, she asks, “Are you a witch?”

I had to think for a moment. You know, I have a pretty checkered past, and I really needed to refer to my daily planner, just to be sure.
“Um, I don’t think so,” I answered unsteadily.
That seemed to disappoint her. That’s when she told me she was a witch.
“I’m a witch,” she said.
“Well, that would explain the eye makeup,” I said. “So, I’m getting another fish taco, how ‘bout you?”

Things kind of degraded from there, and we never went out again. Which is a shame, because I was kind of into that whole witch thing.

Then a few months later, I met a Japanese girl in a club in Roppongi. She was short and cute, and as the night progressed we ended up outside, walking down the street. I think we were going somewhere to play pool, but I’m not really sure why. Anyway, at what seemed to be the perfect moment, I swept her into a parking garage and we started making out against a concrete wall. I’m real romantic like that.
After a minute, she looked at me and said, “Are you the Devil?”
This time, I didn’t have to think so long. “Uhh, yes?” I said.
That seemed to be the right answer, and we abandoned playing pool in favor of her apartment, which really made me regret not answering the witch question differently.

A few months later – and okay, I know this is kind of a theme, but that’s just how things worked out – I met this girl in a bar in Shinjuku and we ended up in a love hotel. We paid the money for a room with lots of mirrors, went in, started making out on the bed, and then just as we were about to, as they say, consummate matters, she looked up at me and asked, “Are you my husband?”
I was like, What the hell? Are all the women in this country mental?
And you know I’m not trying to lead anybody on, but for Christ’s sake. I mean, really, have some timing.
I looked at her and said, “I think we can safely conclude that, for tonight, baby, I am.”

 

5.’Getting’ A Japanese Woman – Easy or Not?

So let’s see . . . if you’re a guy and just looking to hook-up, then it’s all good, right?
Please. Japan consistently ranks at the bottom of countries for frequency of sex, and almost half of all Japanese women flat-out state they aren’t interested in it. Even the ones who’ll endure it seem determined to lie there like slabs of tuna and wait for you to finish.

If you want a vivacious woman who takes an active role in lovemaking then, I dunno, maybe go to Brazil or something, but definitely not Japan.

Okay, so I haven’t dated that many Japanese women, statistically speaking. Probably not even two percent of the population, but in general I’ve gotta say they have amazingly low sex drive, little experience in bed, and that the most exciting thing you’re likely to hear is, “Jeez, this is so embarrassing.

With all that, it’s surprising how many foreign guys end up with rather homely Japanese ladies. Granted, there are a few good-looking foreign dudes with pretty Japanese girls, but overall, attractive, successful foreign men do far better in their home countries. Or anywhere, for that matter.

So can you “get” a Japanese woman?
Well, if you spend enough time fishing, you’re bound to hook a boot or an old tire eventually. But in the West, if you’re a handsome, well-spoken guy with a good career, you can date sexy, generative, and highly successful women.
Here, well, you’ll get something, but it’s unlikely to be someone on your same level. Anyway, hot dog bun.

You know, I initially believed Japanese women were wild about foreign men.
Thanks a lot for hyping that wisdom, internet. What’s really happening is self-selection: foreigners frequent places where the few women interested in foreigners all congregate. Outside of Irish bars, international parties and the like, in the society at large – and I hate to say this, but well – foreigners are not highly regarded in Japan, including by Japanese women.

Foreigners occupy a space similar to that of gays in America: a group viewed as not really “normal,” with values and behaviors outside of the mainstream, but also thought of as flamboyant and entertaining. Everybody loves them when they’re up on stage or out on parade.

And all right, maybe if you’re drunk enough, you might try sleeping with “one of them,” just to see what it’s like. Or if you’re desperate to get married and trapped in a place where no one else is available, well hey, prison wedding. Meet my new bride: Hank.

 

6. Ken Seeroi’s Final Words of Wisdom:

Ok, let me add a couple of disclaimers here. First of all, this is an article from a guy’s perspective. Women have very real constraints and concerns in this society. It’s by no means easy being a woman, of any race, in Japan. I get that. But here, I’m only presenting the male perspective. Sorry about that. There’s a whole flip side to this story that bears keeping in mind.

Secondly, I’m by no means saying that “All Japanese women are like this.” Because, okay, some are also like “that.” So I know I’m painting with a broad brush, and naturally there are exceptions to everything. Somewhere out there, there’s a 30-pound house cat and a Labrador Retriever small enough to fit in your pocket too. But if you ask me to describe a cat or a dog, I’m gonna try to give you a realistic picture without writing an encyclopedia in the process. So yes, I’m generalizing, and I’m sure your girlfriend/wife/co-worker/neighbor is really a wonderful person and a fabulous lover. In that case, it’d probably be in everyone’s best interest not to show her this article, really.

In the end, Japanese women aren’t simple and gullible, although they’re good at pretending to be. You really shouldn’t mess with ladies who are better than you at math, you know. And like women anywhere, they can be controlling, angry, and vindictive if you screw up. Do not screw up. Trust me on this. They want a house, kids, and a husband who brings home a paycheck. That’s the game they’re playing, and this is their home turf.

So If you’re a foreign guy who’s determined to chase Japanese women, then, well, I guess have at it. I’m pretty sure that eventually, one’ll catch you.

 

Disclaimer:
This blog post contains Ken Seeroi’s personal experience and opinion, not Zooming Japan’s.
Also, take this article with a whole bucket of salt. emoticon

55 Comments

    • Surely it’s only depressing if your a foreign man living in Japan with no method of escape, possibly with a Japanese wife and no hope of ever having sex again. Stay at work, socialise in bars, live in a capsule hotel, never ho home, problem solved… Sort of.

  • Jasmine, I mean Ken,

    I laughed way too much reading this and had to wipe the tears from my eyes several times. Even now, I can’t stop grinning. I know Ken, you love destroying my fantasy of a geisha that’s submissive to all of my needs, but I refuse to let go of that fantasy…LOL!! How can you explain all of the internet pron that shows obedient Japanese girls doing naughty stuff in every explicit and provacative way possible (I’ve only heard that this is the case….of course)?? Have you ever seen women getting groped on the subway; for example, you might think its the national past time after looking on the internet (I also heard this too). One gets the impression that the Japanese women are very open to sexual encounters, oops I mean hot dog bunning activities, yet I’m wondering if the population decrease proves that this can’t be the truth. I know they might be mutually exclusive situations or non-correlative factors to one another, but can they both be true at the same time??

    Though very limited, my experiences where I’ve encountered Japanese over the years can be summed up as:

    1. In Okinawa, all of the refined Japanese women stay away from areas where US Marines were known to hang out (can’t blame them for that), but the ones that did come around were always looking to get married (this was from the late 1970’s). Japanese men were always very hostile to servicemen from all branches of the US military and I never had a good experience dealing with them. Okinawan’s, compared to mainland Japanese citizens, might act differently, but at that time I couldn’t tell the difference if there is one (I’ve read that there is).

    2. I was pretty well traveled here in the United States and only four times in my nearly 60 years have I personally met Japanese women in America and two were married to US Marines, one was married to an international lawyer (she was the daughter of a corporate big wig) and another one was a psychologist married to a psychiatrist. The two that were married to Marines were beer guzzling sweet shy people in public (until they got drunk, then they became loud and less shy) and were very hard working and argumentative wives at home just like Ken described, except they lived in the US. The one Japanese woman that married an Ivy League Harvard lawyer was completely different (I met them in Washington D.C.); she was extremely opinionated in public and was often very rude (she could speak English flawlessly), but her husband swore that she was a wild women at home sexually (yet they had no children and they were in their early 30’s at the time) and she didn’t have to do any work as they were independently wealthy and had servants, so she had lots of hobbies and played tennis regularly. The one married to the American psychiatrist was a really admirable person that worked hard and she also spoke perfect English and was great in discussions on any topic, yet she was also a very beautiful person, inside and out. I could find nothing wrong with her (she is my idealistic vision of a smart Geisha that married well) and her 4 children were so bright and incredibly well mannered (I saw them in their home regularly for many years as I taught chess to them) that I thought of them as the perfect family. She worked tirelessly to make her kids feel loved and taught them to be excellent students (two went to MIT, one went to Columbia Law School and another to Princeton, all Ivy League schools). They were fairly well off (no servants), yet not as well off as the lawyer couple.

    3. Japanese men that I have met over the years have never made good impressions on me and whenever I observed them in public (mainly from my experiences in Okinawa), they were disrespectful to women and bad drunks that couldn’t fight very well, despite their acting like karate nuts. I’m sure the Yakuza are exceptions to this, but I haven’t run into any yet… Thank Goodness! I never really met any good Japanese family men or even salary-men where I traveled, as I mainly ran into the lower class working types (laborers, truck drivers, fishermen, farmers) in Okinawa bars.

    I’ve still only seen (in person and up close enough to read their expressions) less than a dozen Japanese in the US in my entire life, so do they even spend time over here in the US (other than in Hawaii)?? I lived in Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston (I did see some Japanese men there on the roads that were crazy wild drivers), Houston, Memphis, Jacksonville Fl., Washington D.C. and Rocket City USA (and that about covers the North, West, East, South and central parts of the continental United States), and met tons of other nationalities, but never hardly any Japanese, so my experiences are hardly statistically telling, except that the fact that there are so few here might be telling of something; of what I’m not sure of though.

    From those very very limited experiences I might deduce/guess the following general-isms:

    1. Japanese women that Ken describes might be from the lower and middle class but might not be from the upper class (could they be different? and are there any Geisha still left?? ;P ).

    2. Japanese men might be one of the reasons the women are so difficult, since they aren’t exactly kind, understanding or emotionally open, though I’m certain there are exceptions and Lord knows they have plenty of reasons for acting that way if they work 90+ hour weeks!

    3. The nippon work ethic, once learned, stays with a Japanese person, whether they are in the US or Japan!!

    4. Ken is the wisest and most hilarious Gaijin I have ever known :fan: ; I mean that and am not trying to garner favor in any way possible, except that I think he should write a book :reading: (bang bang). :peace: :thumbup:

    What I can’t understand is my undying desire to learn more about the Japanese, and I find them terribly fascinating and am totally jealous of those that get to spend time there seeing things first hand. Yet, Inexplicably, I decided long ago that I couldn’t stand the highly stratified society in Japan and really hated the extreme honorifics systems that the Japanese use (face planting to me is an abomination that I would never do under any circumstance and bowing I would only use to honor a lady). I absolutely refuse to call people by their last name unless there is no other choice (like seeing the name tag on the police officer that just pulled me over for speeding :teary: ) I like a large number of the Japanese Drama, Manga and Anime media that I’ve seen (immensely), but some of it is so utterly strange, weird or disgusting that I often wonder how it ever got published. I can’t read any books from Japan, so I’m unable to comment on that, but I when I read the English versions of the Japanese news (the few that are available on the internet), I am astounded by the narrow viewpoints represented and seeming lack of dissenting voices. Well, American news media is going that route nowadays too I guess, as we only have two violently opposed voices – liberal and conservative (where moderates are no longer given a voice).

    Surprisingly, I must admit that Japan has utterly captured my interests, though I likely will never go there again; so surfing Ken’s and Jasmine’s web sites have given me some outlet to dream about being there (and meeting a real geisha, so sorry). Therefore, I give humble thanks to both of you … so so very much for all you are doing to make Japan come to life over the internet and in my imagination!!!

  • Hi Ken (and Jasmine),

    While I do agree with some of the points you make (especially the one about generalizations; good comparison), let me go through some of the ideas you wrote there:

    – Japanese women can be “hard to read”. Some of them are actually very weird (by the way, I have been asked some of those out-of-nowhere questions too).

    – There’s a good deal of Japanese girls out there looking for a guy to marry them / have some children, so they can become full-time housewives

    – Japanese society has a hard time accepting foreigners. If you are a foreigner, you’ll be an outsider forever

    Ok, so…is this any different from the case in, say, the US?

    Then you go on to describe how miserable Jeff, Ray and the rest of your pals are.

    Well, they got it coming: if you guys keep hanging out in Roppongi, dating the part-time receptionist girls with the fake eyelashes and the purple contacts and, to make things even better, eventually marrying them without really knowing them (nor their families), you are in for one hell of a ride.

    Try going after a girl with a real career and a skill set that goes beyond makeup and expensive fashion complements and then write how it goes. But then again, you may need some more credentials than a foreign passport and a couple of beers to get her to make out with you.

    I haven’t lived in Japan for as long nor read as extensively on the Japanese society as you claim to, but after the first six months living in Tokyo I got that picture very clear.

    Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the situations you describe are not real: I do have a number of friends that exercised the same poor judgement back in the day, and now they are as miserable as you and your friends seem to be. What’s more, some of them also write this kind of resented blogs.

    But then again, they got it coming.

    • Well, you added quite an interesting embellishment to my article, right down to the color of the contacts, but unfortunately, you’ve misread the situation.

      Perhaps this is my fault for not painting a fuller picture, but I was trying to write about Japanese women, not so much myself. However, let me clarify and say that the women I’ve dated I’ve met in coffee shops, grocery stores, the train, restaurants, and yes, on rare occasions, bars. If you really want to hear about me talking to a girl in the frozen food section of 7-11, well, I guess I could write that. But unlike the women you described, they were very ordinary people with good jobs: a doctor, an author, a nurse, a teacher. Not sure what’s so bad about being a receptionist either, although I’ve never been out with one, so maybe they’re terrible folks.

      As for Roppongi, although it has a few seedy places, it’s actually one of Tokyo’s higher-class neighborhoods, and home to several great museums and restaurants. It shouldn’t be mis-characterized as a bad place. It’s nothing compared to Shinjuku, for example. Anyway, I’ve only been to the bars there a handful of times in a decade, for whatever that’s worth. Too loud and crowded for my tastes.

      All that aside, what I really wanted to communicate is that there’s a lot of misinformation presented about Japanese women. Specifically, that if you’re a foreigner, that they’re easy to date, or that you’ll enjoy any real popularity. I haven’t seen that to be the case at all.

      People should be careful not to judge Japan too quickly based upon hearsay or first impressions. After all, You wouldn’t want to misread something.

  • The picture shown at the intro to this article on the blog shows a couple dressed in white posing on a dock with really brilliant looking trombones. Is there any significance to the trombones that the couple is holding. They’re holding incredibly expensive rare professional trombones: The man in the white Tux is holding what looks to be a Vincent Bach Stradivarius 42B Professional F attachment Trombone that’s worth around $4,000 US Dollars while the woman is holding a Conn Model 62HG double trigger that’s worth nearly $7,000 US Dollars. OK, this is my question: Why is the woman holding the bigger and most expensive trombone? Is she just a better player or just worth more money …. hmmmmm! :whyohwhy:

    • Bud, you’re really putting too much thought into this.
      It was a wedding shooting. I don’t know the couple.
      It might be that they are both into classical music, maybe they both play instruments, maybe they met each other at a classical concert.
      This is most likely all rental stuff, only for the shooting. You’d be surprised to see how much money most couples spend on their wedding here in Japan. ;)

      • Sorry,

        It just started out as curiosity because those are such impressive trombones and I just wondered how much they’d cost if they dropped them; so I had some time on my hands and looked it up, just for giggles and grins (and because you CAN nowadays with the internet; BTW, I started as a trombone player but went to the Tuba and String Bass). I was wondering why trombones would be used as props though, not something you usually see at a wedding…LOL,… plus I heard Japanese weren’t too fond of trombones because it requires long arms. Anyway, I hope I made you smile at least with the weird question. ;P

  • I can’t comment a lot, since I agree with a lot, including that most women in Japan are sadly only looking for a guy that can walk and provide for them and the family that they want to make. Those women don’t seem to care at all for what’s more important, which is being personally successful, and finding a partner who is your best friend. I can’t imagine wanting to live with someone who wasn’t my favorite person in the world, whom I didn’t want to spend every second with and want to improve myself for. :/ Again, it’s a generalization, and I don’t like that attitude which is why all of the girls that I got along well with in Japan weren’t like that at all.

    I can’t imagine being with anyone who didn’t love manga and anime as much as I could. What’s appealing at all about fighting with your spouse over you wanting to go to Comicket for a weekend? I’d much rather be with one who is just as excited to go with me, and will race me to get the best doujinshi and compare finds afterward. People who go for opposites.. I mean, are you trying to make your life harder and less fun? I can’t understand at all why. It’s hard enough as it is.

    Oh! Right. There was one thing that I don’t agree with at all, and that was why I really wanted to comment. The statement that there are so many good-looking foreign guys with homely Japanese girls. I’m not sure if this was intentional, or a mistake. Usually, it’s the opposite. In Tokyo at least, it was very, very common to see a homely foreign guy who looks like he hasn’t tried at all looping arms with a slender, petite, smiling Japanese girl dressed to the nines with impeccable makeup. I assumed that it was a big reason that men like Japanese girls at all, at least in the beginning. Unlike girls from a lot of other countries (the US especially), these girls at least look like they put some effort into what they look like.

    • “The statement that there are so many good-looking foreign guys with homely Japanese girls. I’m not sure if this was intentional, or a mistake. Usually, it’s the opposite. In Tokyo at least, it was very, very common to see a homely foreign guy who looks like he hasn’t tried at all looping arms with a slender, petite, smiling Japanese girl dressed to the nines with impeccable makeup.”

      I don’t disagree that young women in Japan go to extraordinary lengths to appear attractive. Or that foreign men often neglect their appearance. But surely you’ve seen the racks of magazines teaching women how to “transform” their looks. Here’s a small example of what I’m talking about: http://matome.naver.jp/odai/2133035427898269901

      Basically, we’re all easily fooled by appearance. A pair of heels and a push-up bra and a woman goes from a five to an eight. A good make-up job, some permed hair, and a set of contacts, and boom, perfect ten.

      Interestingly enough, I recently attended an event where they did this as a competition. Six very plain girls went up on stage, and in fifteen minutes, a team of stylists applied make-up, hair extensions, and contacts, and the women went from ordinary to amazing, right before your eyes. Hairspray was flying.

      The teams in this competition do this for a living. Every day before work, hostesses come in to their salons, and leave 15 minutes later, looking amazing, ready for work. It costs the hostesses the equivalent of about $100, and they do it every day.

      Obviously, most women can’t afford to do this regularly. So instead, they spend hours at home getting ready. Or wear surgical masks when they just need to run out to the grocery store.

      So I stand by that statement. There’s a lot more homely girls here than meets the eye.

      • Hi ken! I’m a Japanese woman lives in the US for decades have college degree and stable job in here. I grew up in Tokyo. As far as I know the girls are interesting in foreigners. I’m sorry about your experiences. Most of us are highly educated but yes I agree we are not encouraged learning communication skills as good as Americans or westerners so sometimes when we are nervous we cannot convey our feeling well as youguys. There were times I was not good in English nor communication but the Americans and Westerners I met accept me as me and treat me with respect. I myself have been with mostly American guys. I had enjoyed the relationships and I really happy with my current boyfriend who is also American.

    • I just want to comment on one thing: Homely Japanese Ladies
      What I found interesting is that all the married Japanese women (married to a foreigner) were homely indeed. I haven’t met them before their marriage, so I don’t know if they dressed up prior to their wedding.

      Younger couples who just started going out seem to consist more often of a foreign guy with a dressed-up Japanese woman.
      I guess once the guy has seen his girlfriend without make-up, he can decide if he wants to run away screaming or if he wants to continue the relationship. *g* (JK!)
      Just like the link Ken posted shows, some people completely change with tons of make-up, fake lashes, wigs, extensions and whatnot.

    • I think the guy is a loser. I have met many interesting and very nice Japanese ladies. Like all women around the world they want a MAN. Stop being a wooz.And AS to love etc. Sorry if that worked not a majority of American marriages would end in divorce.

  • Yo Ken,

    Do many women in Japan use contacts that change the size and color of their Irises? That was some pretty amazing transformations on that site you linked. :whyohwhy:

    • My guess is that any contacts will make one’s irises bigger, and yes, there are a number of women who wear them. The question is, Are they wearing them to correct their vision, or just to make themselves more attractive?

      I’ve seen a few women with colored contacts, but not that many. Glasses are also quite in fashion these days, and a number of women (and men) wear them. Again, how many could see without them, I’ve no idea.

      There’s also a trend that started a few years ago, that seems to be dying down, where people wear glasses with no glass in them. Just the frames. Pretty sure that’s just for show. I wonder if people in other countries do that too?

      • The colored lenses you’ll find more likely in the cosplay community, but not so much among Japanese women who want to dress up in a cute way.
        There are contact lenses that will improve your sight and have a special effect (make your eyes bigger, different color etc.).

        The trend seem(ed) to be popular outside of Japan as well. I’m not a fashion guru, so I don’t know where it originally started.

        • Ken and Jasmine,

          Come to think of it, I do remember seeing a woman with bright purple eyes at the credit union about a decade ago and she told me she had contacts, but I haven’t seen that around here since then… granted My town has only 350,000 people and is no large metropolitan trendy place to live (and I certainly don’t party out a lot nowadays)! I have seen pics of that Human Barbie girl on the internet and she must use them, since her eyes look HUGE! Well, I knew that people could look very different with make-up and effects pieces on their faces, but it always surprises me when I see such a huge variance between the before and after pics like on that web site Ken referenced.

    • They don’t necessarily wear contacts, but as a girl, let me tell you that there are MANY things you can do (e.g. fake lashes, make-up tricks) to make your eyes look bigger.
      You know that even high school students aren’t allowed to wear make-up in Japan, right?
      So many of them are natural beauties. It’s so sad that some start transforming themselves into completely different people once they’ve graduated just because they can. I’m not a big fan of all this fake stuff.
      I don’t mind if people take care of their beauty, not at all. But wigs, fake lashes, contacts, even surgery etc. … that sounds like carneval or Halloween to me. :(

      • Just to clarify. High school girls aren’t allowed to wear make-up at school. They’re also not supposed to trim their eyebrows and mustaches, but in my experience most do. After school and on the weekends, many of them are quite elaborately made-up, and wear their skirts about six inches higher. Ah girls.

  • If I read this correctly, Ken is saying all Japanese women are shit in bed?

    I know this to be false from experience.

    Is applying a negative stereotype to a group of people based on race not racist?

    • “is applying a negative stereotype to a group of people based on race not racist?”

      Well it’s a thin line right through the grey area i guess. But ask yourself this, is it okay to apply a positive stereotype to a group of people without being racist?

      I personally didn’t think the article was racist at all.

  • I think this guy has actually hit the nail on the head really well. I will add my own experience of going to marriage match-making (お見合い) because I thought I could save money meeting girls with free entry and no obligation to thrown my wallet at a bartender to ensure a conversation happens.

    Anyway, to cut out the majority of the actual event’s experience, I ended up being paired with the girl I was interested in. She was quite pretty, a nurse, 28 years old. Her reason for going was what got me, “I’m 28 and all my friends are getting married and having children so I think I have to, too”. Nothing about me, how interesting I was, how much she liked me or anything, so essentially her reason for choosing me was: you have a penis and just happened to be available at the event. True love! She did have a kind of valid reason for wanting a foreigner though, something about making her world view wider or something, at least something that showed some genuine interest in that particular opportunity.

    Craigslist’s personals section also showcases good examples of what happens to foreign guys who don’t realise what they’re getting by getting married to a Japanese girl. Funny reading, I recommend it!

  • I recently started dating a japanese girl here in the states. She has been here about 10 years and is 9 years older than me Im 31 btw. Things couldnt be more amazing than they are. She is divorced and has a 10 year old but she is awesome and doesnt care I dont make a ton of money. She has been very good at teaching me japanese and I have been helping her son with reading and spelling. The article was really interesting but she doesn’t sound like the women you have written about. Maybe I got a rare one? Anyways good luck to anyone seeking these foreign beauties, my gf gets prettier everyday!! =)

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