Ever since I started the “Dating in Japan” series people kept asking me about how and where to find a Japanese partner, especially when living outside of Japan. So, I figured I should at least share my personal experience a bit.
Regular readers of my blog know that I’ve left Japan about a year ago.
So, for the first time in almost a decade I’m in the same shoes as most of my readers. How can I connect with Japanese people when I’m outside of Japan? How to get to know Japanese people?
Today I want to share my personal experience with certain websites, because I hate recommending stuff I haven’t tried myself. I hope it’ll help you in finding a Japanese partner.
How to Connect With Japanese People (Language / Cultural Exchange)
After I had left Japan I was a bit afraid that I might lose my Japanese, so I wanted to connect with Japanese people or at least people who’re interested in Japan. I found “worldfriends” to be a great resource for cultural exchange, finding language exchange partners, but also for dating. It is not limited to Japan, but you can set your profile so that you’ll find people living in Japan or with the same interests etc.
I’ve managed to get to know quite a few interesting people that way.
Registering is free of charge. In order to be able to exchange messages with others one of you needs to have a paid account, though.
Luckily the majority of people I wanted to talk to had one, so I never had to pay anything.
How to Find a Japanese Partner Online (Dating Sites)
I know there are a lot of rumors going on and for sure there are tons of scam dating sites out there.
That’s also the reason why I always hesitated to use one. I’ve known about “JapanCupid” for many years, but being the paranoid girl I am, I was too afraid to use it while I still lived in Japan. (*We once had a stalker issue at our school in Japan, but that’s a different story).
I’m so glad I registered there!
It is similar to “worldfriends”, but the main focus is clearly on dating. You can set up a “partner profile” where you search for certain things such as (“age”, “ethnicity”, “country”, “non-smoker” etc.) – and it will only show you people who match that criteria.
To be honest I didn’t expect much.
And yes, I did get a lot of mails from guys that didn’t fit my profile at all (80-year-old guy from India, anyone?), but you just can ignore these.
On the contrary, I was actually surprised to find quite a few guys that fit my profile and that were REALLY nice. And it was inspiring and fun exchanging messages with them.
By the way, the system is similar to “worldfriends”. Registering is free, but if you want to exchange and read messages from other members you need to become a paid member. Again – as a woman – I didn’t need to pay, as most guys had a paid account and that way communication was possible. As long as one has a paid account it works.
And if you find someone interesting after exchanging a few mails you can always move on to “normal” e-mail, WhatsApp, LINE etc.
Like mentioned before I’ve talked to a lot of interesting people that way. Some of them live in Japan, some of them here in Germany.
If you feel comfortable enough and are sure the other person is not a mass-murder, you can meet and see how it goes.
That’s what I did.
One Japanese guy happened to live not too far from me and so we met. Actually quite a few times. And we became very good friends.
So, I can totally see how one would find a partner through such a dating site.
Maybe I also shouldn’t give up just yet. *g*
I guess through this experience my image of dating sites also has changed a bit.
If you have difficulties finding a partner, I think they’re not too bad.
And if you’re looking specifically for a Japanese partner, but don’t live in Japan, then this might be a great option for you!
I almost forgot to mention AsianDating.com which is very similar to JapanCupid. The layout and the entire system is exactly the same, only that it focuses on people from all of Asia, not only on Japanese people.
For me personally, JapanCupid worked better as I had the feeling there were a lot more people fitting my “partner profile”. Worldfriends is definitely also a great option, especially because you can get to know people who’re not (only) interested in dating, but in cultural exchange, language partners, travel experience exchange etc.
What’s your experience with dating sites?
Have you tried dating sites before?
Have you tried any of the ones I’ve mentioned here?
Would you recommend any others?
Please feel free to share your experience in the comment box below.
I can just share my experience with worldfriends. I could find many new foreign friends throw this website. Especially it was very easy to find connections to japanese people there. Two of my best friends in Japan I found on that website and also my husband :)
But it is very difficult to seperate out the garbage, but I think that is the same for all those Websites for finding friends or a partner.
I think that’s a general issue when looking for someone online. It has quite a few advantages, but also many disadvantages.
And one has to be more careful, too!
Glad to hear you even were able to find your husband through such a website! ^__^
i got actually only bad experiences with any kind dating/exchange sites and i tried lots of them (international and japanese). success rate was zero for me, even though i was more looking for language exchange and meeting people than actual dating. usually after a few messages the conversation stopped and in five years in japan i met exactly two people in real life and those exactly one time, after that i never heard from them again.
my biggest issue with those sites is that the foreign people search exclusively for japanese partners (usually they never look for anything else) and the japanese people are looking exclusively for foreign partners… sure, there are quite a lot transethics around, but that was so strange for me that i stopped using any online service.
on the other hand i got to say that i got quite a lot of friends here and they are all japanese. it was also not too difficult for me to find them. but that happened in real life and strange as it sounds, with people who are not interested in foreigners at all.
Hm, that’s weird. A lot of people I’ve seen are looking for various people. I also haven’t limited my search to Japanese or Asian people only, because I think that’s just stupid.
Why I think JapanCupid is quite good, though, is that there certainly are people who’re interested in Japanese or like travelling as much as I do.
I’m sorry to hear that you only had bad experiences thus far. :(
Thank you for sharing your experiences. :) Worldfriends sounds interesting. I have to say I belong to those people who had bad experiences with dating sites. When I was single I’ve tried Parship (a dating site in Germany) and I’ve met the strangest guys there. At that time I was 30 years old and I was looking for people my age. And most of the men were too old, still living with their parents, had no car and some even had depressions.I know that depression is a serious illness and I feel sorry for people with depression. But I think that dating is really difficult when someone always calls you every ten minutes on the phone and asks if everything is alright. There were also many weirdos there with very strange interests. And last but not least most people who wrote me didn’t share the same interests and they just wrote because they liked your photo. It was really frustrating. I think it depends on luck to find the right partner through a dating site. Or maybe it depends on the dating site. I don’t know.
Haha, and here I was thinking of giving Parship and the likes a try! ;P
I think it’s very hard sometimes because so many people will contact you who won’t match “your requirements” at all.
I wouldn’t give out my personal information such as phone number unless I’m quite sure that it’s a person I might actually wanna date.
Of course, you always can go wrong in your judgement and when that happens it sucks. T_T
Stalker calls are annoying as hell! :( ….
No, you’re right. It’s all about luck. Not only on dating sites, but also in real life.
In that regard, I think it doesn’t depend so much on the dating sites. Just be careful with the scam ones. ^^;
Hi guys. It’s all well and good to examine the pros and cons of online dating sites, including experiences and advice from those who use Japancupid, etc. And I’d never criticise anyone for earning a few extra pennies as an affiliate. I do the same thing. It does concern me, however, that most of the above commenters may not be getting a realistic picture of what it truly is to become “involved” in a relationship – not cyber-pretend-land – with a Japanese partner, whether from the male or female perspective. Here’s one aspect of it, for you: http://www.transformtofreedom.com/blogsex-in-japan/ But, then I do realize that you guys have posted well researched, objective, articles on this very topic. I must add, however, that any guy promoting gender-inequality, by using a site where everything is free for women, but where the guy has to “pay” just to be able to make contact, is a fool, and is promoting the very elements of a “divide-and-conquer” agenda that was put in place decades ago; http://www.transformtofreedom.com/feminist-movement-blog/ one that most people do not even know exists, possibly because they don’t want the know. Regards, Elliot.
Thanks for the input, Elliot. :)
Wow, I tried the two sites mentioned, and never once did I get a like or anything cause for me I guess Guys are shallow no matter who they are or race whatever. Cause I am still a single woman and just turned 40 and I have never been married but like I said cause I am not rail thin, men won’t and don’t even give me a glance. And my daughter whom is in college tells me all the time mom your beautiful and great, cause you love to cook, clean and don’t judge others. You are strong willed, but also have a great love for Japan. It makes me sad sometimes that people say they see beauty in me but, I am like well then why can’t men see that.
So, yeah I gave up on the dating sites thing even the two mentioned cause I was just collecting dust I guess you can say. ;) But love your blogs thanks.
I don’t think it’s your age. I’m 35 now and I didn’t have any difficulties on the mentioned websites.
What I can imagine is that maybe it’s because you already have a child? Not saying that it’s a bad thing, but you know how some people are, right? :( ….
And there’s certainly a place for women who aren’t super skinny. There are even some popular chubby Japanese talents out there.
Don’t give up! ^^
And maybe it’ll be easier for you once you’re actually in Japan.
Good luck to both of us! ;)
I haven’t tried worldfriends yet, am still checking out friendsinjapan, but it is too early for me to make a conclusion.
There’s also JapanPenfriends forums from Japan-guide, while it’s main focus is on either language exchange or friendship, not romance and dating, many requests/adverts from Japanese looking for an penpal are legit, however you have to have patience with your contacts.
Finally I would like to mention Interpals.
It is a site mainly emphasizing penfriendships, e-mail partners and language exchange, it does include searchtypes for dating, romance and relationships. As ‘Inter’pals is global, it is a good source to find friendships all over the world, from Bolivia to Kyrgyzstan, from Benin to Japan.
Through it, I’ve found many contacts from Japan, Korea, Taiwan, but also from my home country and neighbour countries who are interested in or are from Japan.
Just my share. :)
Thanks for sharing some good alternatives. I’ve never heard of friendsinjapan before. Gotta check that one out at some point. :)
Don’t use http://www.ohmyjapan.com. avoid it at all costs!
Thanks for the warning, Patrick.
Would you mind telling us, why? :)
In the past I used UBlove a lot, but by now the site seems pretty dead. :( There are still a few people using it, but it seems like there are really not many anymore…
Another good one is actually match.com BUT it’s pretty expensive (and you can’t even read the messages you get unless you have a paid account OR the one who sent the message has an even more expensive account (and these cases are pretty rar), but I tried paying it for three month and I got soooo many messages that I didn’t even knew who to answer first. (which actually irritates me… I wonder if there are also a lot of fakes on there. Seems some kind of business these days on dating sites)
Sadly since a few months I can’t access the site anymore, because suddenly it always just forwards me to the German dating site neu.de and I don’t think that this site is what I’m searching for… probably some kind of region block :(
Never heard of either of these to be honest.
But if they’re gone now, maybe I didn’t miss much. ;)
Yeah, I heard about that being a thing recently, but more faking female profiles than the other way round, but who knows? … :(
It says worldfriends.com is doing site maintenance:(
Well, that happens from time to time with lots of sites. Just wait until the maintenance is done. :)
i tried to open my account on Japan cupid and world friends both sites deactivated my account within few minutes of opening my account. i don’t get why it happened. I even tried to open Japan cupid with my other email id but it still reacted the same way. I even contacted their team but they are not responding to my mail. Is it not accepting my profile because of the mobile device i am using or any of you know what the problem might be
Sorry, I have no idea why this is happening.
Have you tried a different e-mail address for registration already?
Yes i tried with other email id i have, but still again they deactivated after few minutes.
So i still trying to figure out what the error may be.
I even contacted through mail but they don’t reply