Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then this post is exactly what you’ve been looking for!
However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me! .gif){kind=small}
Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:
Dating Experience is Different for Foreign Women and Men
If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time, there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.
You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!
A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.
Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.
For foreign women, it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay-home moms, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.
Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.
These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Man:
As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason, Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..
It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.
All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys, it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy. They suffer from the so-called superstar syndrome.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Woman:
For (Western) foreign women in Japan it’s a completely different story.
Japanese guys are often too shy or even scared and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.
It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese guy, but it is still the BIG exception!
Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.
It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.
Differences in Relationships:
I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.
Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.
Foreign Man + Japanese Woman:
In relationships where the man is foreign, I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.
I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him. .gif){kind=small}
Consequently, a lot of foreign men in Japan don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of all the important things.
One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.
Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.
Foreign Woman + Japanese Man:
For the opposite constellation, you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.
They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.
The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kinds of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t, seem to accept that there are cultural differences. So, they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.
All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.
Conclusion: Dating in Japan
There’s so much more that could be said about this topic. I’d love to discuss it with you, so get involved in the comment section below.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this.
All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.
Read on:
- All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men
- Dating a Japanese Woman: What’s It Really Like?
- Is Dating Japanese Women Really That Easy?
If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:
- Understanding Japanese Women by Jonathan C. Richards
- How to Meet Japanese Women by Evan Carter
- True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan by Yuta Aoki (who’s also written a dating article on my blog)
Foreign = non Asian??? So I guess all Asians are same to you??? I guess we’re just bunch of rice-eating yellow folks to you. Who cares about the diversity in cultures, huh?? News flash…more marriages take place between Japanese men and non-Japanese women then between Japanese women and non-Japanese men.
– Taiwanese woman married to a Japanese man.
I’ve been meaning to comment on this post for quite a while, but frankly had more important things to do. Now that I have some spare time on my hands, I’d like to pass along a few comments.
Full disclosure: North American guy, in Japan for 10+ years. In a LTR with a Japanese woman, both of us perviously married.
First of all, it is abundantly obvious from the tone of your post that you are yet another in the seemingly endless number of self-absorbed, entitled Western women that have washed up over here. Honestly I’m surprised it’s coming from a German, though, as my experience has always been that European women are far more tolerant and understanding than their North American counterparts, where the sort of opinion and bias that is evident in this article most commonly resides. But I digress.
Issue #1: “For some reason Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive”.
We live in a world where respective cultures develop norms which govern virtually every collective-and usually individual-choices and actions. What is right and what is wrong. What is good and what is bad. And, what is attractive and what is not. It could be argued that in all cases such determinations are arbitrary. In the case of Japan, you are implying that Japanese women should subscribe to your Western/German arbitrary determinant of what makes for a suitable partner (physical attractiveness-“even ugly guys are attractive”), never mind that such a determination is completely subjective. If you are looking for “some reason” why the stated situation in Japan is the way that it is, you answered it-because they are foreign. In the case of international relationships, Japanese women often use a different critieria than you think they should.
What I take issue with is the implied belief that YOU think Japanese women SHOULD NOT find “ugly” (whatever the f_ck that’s supposed to mean) Western guys attractive. In other words, Japanese women should think and act like Western women in this regard, and any man who doesn’t measure up to what YOUR standard of “attractive” is should be disregarded. A Western guy who fails to meet your criteria of “attractive” and never had much, if any, success with relationships whereever he came from comes to Japan and finds it-but you would deny him that because it doesn’t fit with your rigid, exculsionist worldview? So only the “beautiful” people deserve each other, and the “ugly” people should know their place? Wow, what a cold and miserable place your world would be. Glad I don’t have to live in it.
Issue #2: Foreign men, Japanese women relationships.
Let’s dispense with the obvious: you have absolutely NO emipirical evidence to back up any of what you state in this section, so it’s nothing more than anecdotal conjecture. Now, having said that:
a) “In the relationships where the man is foreign, I notice that they mostly speak his native language”. Then you haven’t met many foreign guys married to Japanese women, because I personally know of plenty where Japanese is used interchangeably with English (which is what I am assuming you are referring to). Not to mention foreign men who are from non-English speaking countries; my personal experience is in most cases I’ve seen Japanese is the language they use.
b) “I also experienced they are unable to do anything on their own.” Since you didn’t qualify this in any way (“mostly unable”, “usually unable”) your statement is definitive and means 100% of the time. This is a load of crap; I am perfectly capable of doing most things on my own in Japan. As are most foreign guys I know, married or otherwise.
c) “how they got their cellphone or credit card they just answer they don’t know because their wife did it for them.” I have done both of those on my own-as have many of the other foreign guys I know who are married to Japanese women. I also pay my own bills and rent, send money home by myself and I can even buy things from the convenience store on my own. Imagine that!
d) “(Foreign women/Japanese men) seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.” And your empirical evidence is…? Oh I forgot-you have none. Which renders this conclusion meaningless.
Foreign men and women in Japan-it is what it is. Either you learn how to accept and deal with it, or you move on to another country where interrelationship cultural norms are something you are more comfortable with. Those are your choices. Setting up a blog and bitching about that which you can never change is not what I would consider conducive to personal happiness. But perhaps ignoring it and spending more time on making your own life happy the best way you can would be.
Dear A.G,
It seems you’ve taken my ramblings way too serious, but that’s great. Thanks to that we got a really nice and thoughtful comment.
I’m sure most people reading it will agree with you. Even I do to some degree.
I’m not exactly sure that I said that Japanese women have to behave in a certain way. I just tried to share my observations and experiences.
As this whole article is only based on my personal experience, opionion and observations, there’s now way I could have included any statistics. I don’t know what you’ve expected when you came here, so sorry.
In fact, I have met a lot of foreign guys married to a Japanese citizen and 90% could barely speak any Japanese.
If your experience is different from mine, then that’s ok. Maybe I’ve been just running into the “wrong” people then.
Anyway, I just want to clarify that this article was supposed to be an exaggeration and it’s solely based on my personal experience. I have never ever said that I have any empirical evidence. Calm down.
Oh yes, and of course I only created this blog to bitch about relationships and dating in Japan.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but this is mainly a travel blog. This article was only written because certain people kept asking me about it and it was done the way it is on purpose. ;)
Yeah… haven’t had a chance to reply as I’ve been busy. So here it is.
Firstly, no need to tell me to “calm down”. You had/have no idea about what my emotional state was when I made my original post, as you’ve never met me and thus know nothing about me. And herein lies your problem-assumption. You do far too much of this, and not nearly enough reflection when you make posts like this. Just because 99% of foreign male/Japanese female couples you’ve met are as you have described them does not make for a hard statistical truth. Based on your experience you assume that we foreign men involved with Japanese women are all the same. We’re not. In fact, given the size of the sample population (all foreign male/Japanese female relationships in Japan), even if every single foreign male/Japanese female couple were as you describe, it would be pretty much statistically meaningless.
As for me “taking your ramblings way too seriously”, this sounds like an attempt at deflection on your part. Obviously, you take the way you took your ramblings seriously enough that you added them to a blog of yours and shared them with the entire world, and now you’re suggesting that your comments are somehow frivolous? Your post is supposed to be funny to me, when I see it laced with phrases like “not so handsome foreign guys”, and how dating is “really easy, even if you are ugly”? I’m supposed to find it amusing how you paint foreign men in a completely negative light based on your pathetically small amount of experience?
The thing is this: foreign guys like me, we already put up with enough s–t from Japanese people on this, the only difference is they just try to be a bit more subtle about it (at least they think they are). We don’t need to put up with any more from the likes of people like you. I tired long ago of tolerating, in the name of workplace harmony, foreign female coworkers complaining about the very same things you are to my face. Those days are long over, I can assure you, which is why I am talking the time to respond to you. I tolerate it no longer, whether I see it online or I hear it from a person standing next to me and I can guarantee that if you were sitting in a bar next to me yapping about this crap I’d have no problem saying this to you in person.
So you’ve left Japan. Good for you, you will undoubtedly be happier wherever you are going. Because it is painfully obvious, despite your cheery bluster, this was one area that caused your profound unhappiness. And I get that-no one likes to be marginalized, no one wants to be alone. But don’t take it out on foreign guys, because remember-we didn’t set the rules. We’re just playing by them as best we can. It’s not because of us that you couldn’t date as much as you wanted or get laid as often as you would have liked. And yes, while this is your blog and I didn’t have to read and comment on what you said, if you put something out there for the whole world to see, don’t be surprised if the world decides to comment on it.
Hello,
I’ve never said or stated anywhere that what I write about is equal to statistics. I have always made clear that what I write is my personal experience and that I’m well aware that others might have other experiences. I’ve also made clear a hundred times that I do exaggerate in order to provoke. Nobody is forced to read what I’m writing if you don’t like it. ;)
If I hurt your personal feelings, then I apologize. It was not my intention. After all I didn’t talk about YOU, did I?
Of course you’re right. You don’t have to put up with it. Why even bother? Just ignore what I’ve written if you’re that annoyed by it.
You make it sound like I wanted to attack and badmouth foreign guys. I did not. At least that wasn’t my intention. If that’s how people take this entry, then I truly apologize.
I know it’s not your fault that things are the way they are. I didn’t want to attack anyone.
What I’m going to say maybe completely out of the topic, but this is perhaps a question I would like to ask you.
I’m a Filipino (with obvious features of brown skin and small nose) and my husband is an American. Whenever we’re out walking hand in hand, I would always get a mocking look from other Japanese women, this is something I don’t understand. I although I came to some conclusions (which I posted on my blog), I know there’s still more about it maybe perhaps someone like you can give an insight about it.
I read your blog post regarding this topic. Very interesting indeed.
Of course, I cannot tell for sure why this is happening.
Maybe there’s a general jealousy going on whenever they see an Asian woman with a Western guy? *shrugs*
Hhmm.. a mediocre scan of responses here would lead someone to ponder why any single foreigner, other than hot American guys, would reside in Japan..
..a conclusion that leads me to sigh once more as I continue to wake each morning.. a. single, b. not American, c. most certainly not hot and, worst of all, d. without realistic ability to escape.
This is my first ever retort to any Japanese blog post and, although I do so with thought only of airing my own experience, I feel it may help a few of you pause to say “I thought my situation was screwed, this guy’s is rancid!”
I moved to Takamatsu about two years ago, when my Japanese wife, decided to give birth to our daughter in her home town.
We are the truest of friends, but our marriage was clearly not strong enough to overcome cultural differences. Especially when it came to her family.
There was little real thinking required when deciding to stay and watch my girl grow, but I would be lying if I said I haven’t had moments of doubt.
I’ve not resided here long I admit, but I find it impossible to meet women.. at least anyone I would consider pairing ‘her name’ and ‘normal’ or ‘real’ in the one sentence whilst on the phone to my mum.
It is my assumption that Japanese, in so many elements of their lives, are pre-programmed.. more so the further you go from Tokyo.
Foreigner, almost everywhere I go, is.. American/taboom British. English Teacher. Not Married. No kids. Lover of Japan.
I’m Australian. I renovate and sell property and draw adult cartoons. I’m tattooed from neck to wrist. Separated with one angel.. and don’t particularly adore the country I reside in..
..AKA.. a JP dating train wreck.
My ex and I have found as many laughs in our pursuit of new love as we did whilst together. Her chances are no less tainted as mine it seems. Japanese men don’t want a bar of her after a foreign marriage and a half Aussie child, and foreigners appear to be trying only to add notches to their testicular tally. I feel truly sorry for her as I watch my effect on her life, both natural and implied, continue to taint her ability meet someone.
Anywho, that’s my two bob.
Tim, thank you so much for sharing your story.
I’m sure you’re not alone with that kind of experience, but people rarely speak up which is why there’s quite the “wrong idea” about how easy it is for guys to date Japanese women.
So, thank you! :)
I’ve done Japanese studies and had spent some time in Japan, so I have had quite an exposure to foreign men looking to date local women. One actually said straight out that he had no plans for what he was going to do there, but all he wanted was to live in Japan and marry a Japanese girl. I seriously wanted to smack him after hearing such a dumb statement. To me it just shows that these guys are not interested in the women beyond their nationality, which is borderline fetishism. It’s like me saying I would only date accountants.
Most of these men I’ve met aren’t that popular with the ladies back at home, and they believe that Japanese women are all cute, shy and childlike, just like girls in anime, and that Western women are all bitches. I couldn’t wait for these dolts to get to Japan and get disillusioned. I love Japan. It’s a beautiful country with fascinating history, unique culture, delicious food, and stunning landscape. But it has it’s problems too, like any other country. I’m tired of people treating it like a magical Neverland. I know so many Japanese studies students who would arrive to Japan for the first time and get bitterly disappointed, because it’s nothing what they see in anime. “Disappointed” is the word I hear the most, when it comes to negative experiences.
Not to say that all foreign guys in Japan are like that. I’ve met some cool, down to earth dudes, who didn’t treat local women like exotic manic pixie dream girl. I would like to give them a cookie.
I’m glad to see that there’s someone else who has had a similar experience to mine. :)
So, you get one idiotic comment from one foreign guy and you somehow extrapolate this to mean the majority of foreign guys in Japan think like this? I mean, from your wording that is the implication. Funny, 5 of the 5 male teaching staff at my previous job were married to Japanese women, and 4 of them had families. In the two and a half years I worked with them, I never once heard any of them express any sentiment even remotely similar to the one you mentioned.
Your experience with foreign guys in Japan is just that-your experience. It should not be extrapolated into some kind of universal truth. And stop bagging on people and the relationship choices they make. People date and marry other people for all kinds of arbitrary reasons. They’re good looking. They have money. They have a decent job. They are . She’s younger/he’s older. Who are you to say it’s right or wrong?
Oh, and keep your cookies-us cool guys neither want nor need your patronizing approval.
As a woman, foreginer, I feel that it’s different tho.
Everytime I feel like taking a walk alone in big areas like Shinjuku or Ikebukuro, som japanese men always try to hit on me! They want you on their facebook, line, or whatever.
I don’t think they’re very shy at all :stressed:
Haha. Yeah, of course!
You know, 98% of all the guys doing ‘nanpa‘ in Shinjuku, Ikebukuro and other places are hitting on you cuz they’re hosts and the likes and want you to enter their restaurant, karaoke bar, host club etc.
That’s not what we were talking about here. ;)
If they were shy, they couldn’t do that kind of work.
I am continually amazed that foreigners, especially women, have a preconceived notion that it is relatively easy for foreign men, especially white Anglo-Saxon, to date and have sex with Japanese women. Foreign women claim that just because a man is white or tall, he is considered handsome by Japanese women whereas such men are considered by foreign women at best average, but mostly below average on a 1to10 rating scale in their home country. It is claimed by these foreign women that Japanese women have different standards for evaluating good looks in men and that what Japanese women consider good looking is mostly the opposite of what foreign women would think. In fact, in this blog, it is averred that it is easy to serially bed Japanese women even if you are an ugly foreign male.
Really? Honto? This assertion is flawed and certainly does not comport with my experience or those whom I know and have lived in Japan for a long time. I personally have lived and worked in Japan for over 10 years.
Japanese women are not blind bimbos who think that all foreign white men look like Brad Pitt and cannot tell the difference between a pudgy, short, pimply faced and bald white man and a George Clooney. While there are certainly preferences in tastes, Japanese women and foreign women generally agree on who is generally good looking or not regardless of nationality. Why is that? Because very simply, they are women and deep down women all over the world are basically the same. Japanese women are not from another planet or parallel universe where Danny DeVitos or Adrien Brodys are the handsome ones and the George Clooneys and Brad Pitts are the ugly ones.
Generally speaking, if a man is not considered good looking in his home country, he is not going to be considered an Adonis in Japan either. Do foreigners’ looks attract attention? Yes, but not necessarily because they are Greek Gods but because they are different and thus create curiosity. Big difference.
Today, especially in large cities, Japanese women have been incessantly exposed to foreigners. They have traveled abroad. They are not isolated. Foreigners are not the curiosities they might have been 50 years ago.
Quite frankly, I have rarely seen a below average looking white guy with a stunning Japanese woman. I have seen such foreign men with similar looking Japanese women on the attractiveness scale. Very, very few average to below average looking foreign white guys punch above their weight.
So is Japan a foreign man’s paradise where beautiful compliant Japanese honeys cater to every whim of the man’s desire just because he may be white or tall or have blue eyes or blond hair? The answer is that Japan is no more a man’s paradise than anywhere else. This is the shocking truth about Japan and certainly not what the German woman blogger would have you believe. As she herself has admitted a number of times, she exaggerates. Perhaps she does so to elicit discussion :)
Sounds like an over weight needy woman who wrote this article. I can hear all the frustrations through every key stroke. Maybe you should go to Africa, they appreciate women by the pound.
I have no idea what being overweight has to do with this article, but yes, I’m totally overweight .. not?!? …
Like I’ve mentioned a million times, I’ve exaggerated in this article on purpose.
Finding a Japanese guy doesn’t necessarily have to do with how you look, but with your nationality. I just recently read about international marriage statistics in Japan, showing that the vast majority of international marriages in Japan (Japanese guy and foreign woman) is with Asian women. It’s a fact. Period.
I knew a japanese girl and of course I liked her a lot such I was in love of her. She was beautiful but she was exactly the girl who just want to be cute and extravagant with her behavior. We studied english together so we understood very well each other. We spent time in my home talkin about everything, and I tried to kiss her, but she didn’t want. She just said I was a friend. It made me so sad. Well we are friends still, and she came back to japan
Of course the foreign men are mostly “unattractive” which I agree with, but I can’t help but notice that you never mentioned that the foreign females may also be generally unattractive ^^ That special snowflake syndrome belongs in the west and with that it is probably time you went back to your country with 30%+ female obesity so you can feel special again and not be so bitter.
Wait…. I am an American so it would be difficult for me to get a Japanese guy. Plus i have a strong personality… Hmmmmmm i guess some guys don’t like that and I’m also black.
Nonsense. ;)
You should read this.
Don’t worry, it’s not any of that… it’s these cold, entitled white women that are lost without the privilege of the monopoly they hold in their own countries where aloof and abusive is the norm.
Look up the YouTube channel “J Hearts J” (jynsalive), not Japan but a black American woman and her Korean husband she met in Korea and she’s fairly assertive.
Right welll..I’m sold lol I love Japan and Japanese women. Way better than British women!! >.<
Hopefully will be going to Japan next year. Deffo find a nice Japanese women and date her!! Their so cute
I really enjoyed this article. It put into perspective what I should expect in the way of seeking romance when I go to Japan. As of right now, I’m a Sophomore college student (Technically this is my 7th year of College thanks to a a special College/High school hybrid I attended) and I’m current;y working toward my AA. After I finish my degree I was planning on doing what my junior year high school English teacher did, and sell nearly everything to name aside from about two weeks worth of clothing among a few other things and traveling around the world, specifically Japan. Ever since I was a Middle School student I’ve had an interest in Japanese culture. It started with the animated film Spirited Away and I started using my school library to study about Japanese Theology and history. That’s where I found my first manga in the Visual Novel section. Originally I just thought it was a backward comic, but after a quick google search I learned what Manga is. Since then, I’ve been religiously watching and reading Anime and Manga as well as playing JRPGs, and schoolwise, whenever able, I always did projects to further extend my knowledge of Japan. In fact, my Senior Project was on Japanese Cuisine and the differences between their food and ours (America’s) . I actually made an entire meal for the judges consisting of Miso Soup, Rice, Shrimp Tempura, Chicken Yakisoba, and Green Tea. All in all, even though I’ve never lived anywhere else except my home town in North Carolina, and I was raised by a bunch of down home country people, I’ve never wanted anything but to go and possibly live in Japan, find a cute Asian girl and settle down. I’m currently teaching myself Japanese and am probably going to hire a tutor as soon as I can make some disposable income.
This is just my experience, so take it for what it’s worth.
I’ve spent a decade in Kanto, and I!,chow over 40.
I have been nanpa-ed by university professors, civil servants, students, and the age range is quite wide. One I became friends with and we dated, but it didn’t flower into a relationship.
Most of the foreign women I meet married to Japanese men are other Asian women, and most speak Japanese well enough to raise their children in Japanese. The few western women I know married to Japanese men are conversant or fluent, too. Not all of those women are native English speakers, besides.
I met my partner through social connections. He’s a Japanese guy older than me by 10 years. We’ve been together for over a year.
He’s the only person who really understands me, and I appreciate his wisdom and kindness. He’s snarky and funny too. He doesn’t speak English well, but he can get by. He’s made friends with many foreign people over he years.
He tells me I’m beautiful and makes fun of my nose, and hates makeup, which I don’t use.
He holds my hand all the time. We notice other couples all the time, holding hands and flirting. Japanese people, guys included, are capable of flirting.
We joke that, because we are not fluent in each other’s languages that we can’t really fight. There’s a lot of goofy fun between us.
It took me a long time to find such a wonderful man, and we often talk about why we as young people, and the young people around us, have so much trouble. Ridiculous expectations, poor communication of wants and needs, and fetishizing the other come up a lot in his analysis.
I got a good one!
Hi Gaijiness,
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
I’m sure you’ve already seen the article about dating Japanese men.
What you’ll read there is similar to what you’ve described and I’ve interviewed a lot of women from non-English-speaking countries. ^__^
Interesting to read through all the comments. I have found some of the things mentioned in #4 regarding foreign guys and Japanese women do tend to come up fairly frequently. Men relying on their wives to do things because of a lack of Japanese ability or women handling the money are both potential problems I’ve seen turn ugly.
I did have a laugh at @Andrea’s comment above. Who in the hell watches anime and considers that a representation of the real lives of real people? You get what you deserve if you are that naive.
As for me, I met my mother-in-law while out for dinner with a friend, and she introduced me to my wife. We live in a rural area, and no one in my Japanese family speaks English. When we decided to get married, we sat down and discussed what we expected from each other, and sticking to that has kept us rolling along pretty well. We have a two year old son, and are figuring out being first time parents together. While using Japanese as our only language to communicate is a difference for me, our relationship is not so different to long term relationships I had in my home country. People are people near as I can tell.
Glad to read about your experience. Thanks for sharing it with us! :)