Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then this post is exactly what you’ve been looking for!
However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me! .gif){kind=small}
Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:
Dating Experience is Different for Foreign Women and Men
If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time, there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.
You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!
A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.
Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.
For foreign women, it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay-home moms, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.
Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.
These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Man:
As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason, Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..
It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.
All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys, it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy. They suffer from the so-called superstar syndrome.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Woman:
For (Western) foreign women in Japan it’s a completely different story.
Japanese guys are often too shy or even scared and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.
It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese guy, but it is still the BIG exception!
Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.
It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.
Differences in Relationships:
I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.
Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.
Foreign Man + Japanese Woman:
In relationships where the man is foreign, I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.
I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him. .gif){kind=small}
Consequently, a lot of foreign men in Japan don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of all the important things.
One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.
Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.
Foreign Woman + Japanese Man:
For the opposite constellation, you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.
They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.
The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kinds of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t, seem to accept that there are cultural differences. So, they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.
All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.
Conclusion: Dating in Japan
There’s so much more that could be said about this topic. I’d love to discuss it with you, so get involved in the comment section below.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this.
All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.
Read on:
- All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men
- Dating a Japanese Woman: What’s It Really Like?
- Is Dating Japanese Women Really That Easy?
If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:
- Understanding Japanese Women by Jonathan C. Richards
- How to Meet Japanese Women by Evan Carter
- True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan by Yuta Aoki (who’s also written a dating article on my blog)
[…] of Japan, the stereotype is Japanese women are subservient. When it comes down to Japanese women marrying non-Japanese men, that stereotype is untrue. Why […]
Can I get some advice or encouragement please. I am very sorry this is a long read…
I recently had contact with a Japanese girl who said she was coming to my country and very excited. We chatted online for a week or two, then she went missing (no replies) so on the week she was supposed to come here I msged her and she said she was really sorry and busy and still excited and that we should meet.
The 2nd day she arrived we met with a group of people, talked a little. was awkward first time meeting, as she wanted to meet other people as well. I got her LINE and we talked more, then at night I took her and another guy around my city. She was soo happy. At this time I think I started to really like her. She was so nice and thanked me via line and said she’d hope to see me again.
Then a week after there was another get together with a group of people and I asked if she wanted to have dinner before hand, she said yes and was looking forward to it. So I took a friend with me, she said if it was ok to bring some housemates. I said yes. Again we talked and talked. Then I asked if she was going to a BBQ the day after she said yes and I said oh cool I will see u there again. At the BBQ she met with other people but I didnt get to talk to her much, at the end of the BBQ I asked if she was going to another gathering the next day, because I was driving and she should come. She said yes. So we went to that gathering. At the end of the day she mentioned she needed some shopping done and I should just drop her off at the shops. I offered to help her and show her around (shopping wise). So I did, she bought things I helped her with her bags etc. Afterwards I drove her home.
We talked via line about how she needs a place to stay etc i tell her which place is good, explain how to get around town etc. I even helped her with her resume. Then last week I asked her if she wanted to go with me to the beach I would show her around. She said yes and on Sunday I took her around beaches and we even sat and saw the sunset. Later that night I said let’s go here to drink, and she agreed, I find out she really likes full strength beer. Here I’m shocked and makes me fall for her more. After that we went back to the city and I asked her if she wanted to have more drinks, she said yes so we went to a quiet pub and talked more, we pretty much (I think, well as far as I can tell) got it off like a house on fire. She even mentioned to me she has met with a few other people during the week to talk etc and there was this guy that was annoying her so much and she will probably block him.
So comes now….questions…
She replies to my line msgs slowly. I guess she is busy with trying to find a job or so?
Should I msg her if I dont hear from her for a day or two? Would I sound desperate? I think so?
I want to keep taking her around my city and showing her a good time. Because I myself am enjoying my city more.
All this time I have refused to let her pay for drinks and food (because I know it is very expensive) and she has no job. Is this the way to go? Should I at least let her buy me one? I just keep telling her when she gets a job she can buy for me.
All this time of meeting with her I have not made any advances at her physically (like I would normally) I want to respect her culture.
So is it too soon to tell her ぼく と つきあっ て くれ ませ ん か. It has only been 3 weeks since we met and since she arrived here. Should I give her space to meet other people? (I might feel jealous though).
I dont want to loose her and I dont know what would happen if I say that to her. I want to keep taking her out even if she doesnt like me.
What to do?
ps. I am not Caucasian but rather chinese asian, So I am not the typical “white 外人”.
Hey there.
I guess it’s way too late for any advice by now.
I’d love to hear how things ended up between you two.
To me it sounded really good thus far, so I’d be happy to hear some good news. :D
The thought of landing a Japanese woman easily just for being a westerner intrigues me, but at the same time I rather not be a man trophy.
Can a westerner(Caucasian I presume) easily land a Japanese woman just because he is a westerner? The short answer is maybe.
There are some Japanese women who have a preference for westerners for a variety of reasons. So, yes indeed, there is a pre-disposition among such women to invite approaches by such men. But……………it depends upon the man and the woman. If the women is hot, then she will be discriminating with respect to the type of man she will be open to. It is a near certainty that a hot woman will not approach or otherwise make the first move because she does not have to. So the man will need to make the first move. But will a below average or even average looking guy easily land her just because he is a westerner? The answer has to be almost certainly no. She has plenty of choices and there are many attractive men both Japanese and western vying for her favors. She can easily attract the interest of a tall, handsome and professional westerner and there is no reason to settle for a pimply-faced, balding and out of shape English teacher who could not afford to take her out consistently for expensive dinners at places like La Tour d’Argent. PUAs would like the gullible to believe that if you have game like that which they teach, any dork can be a babe magnet. If you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell to you at a wonderful discount.
So what kind of a Japanese woman could an unexceptional westerner easily land? It depends upon how unexceptional you are. But usually, someone who is roughly at your level of attractiveness.
There are a number of blogs, like this one for example, that spread the notion that Japan is a paradise for men of social challenges and otherwise LBHs(losers back home), but this fantasy is just that unless you want to believe the war stories of these losers who have supposedly bedded in serial fashion movie star calibre Japanese hotties. More than likely, these “hotties” are Japanese women who are losers themselves and who male hotties, both Japanese and western, would vomit at if these creatures were to approach them.
Blogs such as this one are usually written by disgruntled western women who complain that they cannot get a date because even the ugly male westerner is busy reveling in an abundance of Japanese female pulchritude. It’s not their fault they aver and it is all due to the fact that these conniving Japanese “brown wrens” with their cutesy manner and petite figures steal away even the dregs of male humanity leaving these expat women to lonely Saturday nights with electrical appliances as their sole companions. I have seen many of these women who by attitude alone are unapproachable and are otherwise overweight and unfeminine. They eschew attractive clothing and high heels for crocks and sweat pants expecting guys to bow down before them and request the favor of being able to buy them drinks. No thank you and is it any wonder?
Pretty much the same the world over. JMHO.
I hate to see how White guys are taking advantage as to how Japanese women treat them like rock stars. There is a widespread myth that Japanese women love White guys.
Many Japanese women are introverted, suspicious, paranoid, and don’t date outside of closed circles. There are exceptions, but they are just that in comparison to the general population. 95% of Japanese women are NOT going outside of their Japanese bubble. Only bar sluts in Roppongi or English conversation school students (Most of the women are Gaijin hunters and I was quite successful there lol) are easy to get in bed. Most of those chicks have all been old and busted looking.
Where many foreigners get confused, is by Japanese politeness in service industries for money or group settings. Because a receptionist or cashier smiles at you, doesn’t mean she wants you. It’s about your MONEY and their commitment to service. Even speaking English for many Japanese, is about MONEY and JOBS, not necessarily about creating international relationships. If you meet Japanese at a social event, they can just be talking to you to be nice or as temporary entertainment. The “relationship” won’t go past that 1 day.
Japanese women are NOW famous for not replying to phone calls or e-mail, despite giving it out freely when meeting Or, promising to meet, but not showing up. It’s a big joke among Japanese women to tease foreign guys.
Many foreigners, when mindlessly repeating that Japanese women are easy, DON’T live in Japan. The myth that Japanese women like foreigners was mostly sensationalized media hype. The vast majority of Japanese women prefer Japanese guys to Whites. The Japanese media hype was also perpetrated by anti-foreigner right wing groups to give the impression that foreigners were having sex in the streets or just easily stealing Japanese women.
Very interesting comment, Nick.
I guess everyone’s experience is different, so there is not ONE truth to this often discussed topic.
A lot of the Japanese women I know are attracted to foreign men which doesn’t necessarily mean they would consider a proper relationship with a foreign guy.
It’s more like fantasizing about stars, I guess.
Some of the Japanese women I know have been dating foreign guys, but most of them have studied abroad before, so I think they’re not the “common Japanese women”.
Those gajin hunters are freaking scary if you ask me…
I must say that this article and all the comments are really interesting, and some comments can be quite entertaining too ;) Thanks to everyone who gave their opinion and points of view!
Glad you enjoyed it, JP! :)
Hugely amusing read for me as a white English guy who speaks fluent Japanese, and other than 7 years living there(Kyushu) I’ve been back and forth for the past 18 years with my job in a Japanese organization.
For my two-cents worth, I’d say that firstly ou have to seperate the ideas of (1) ‘dating’ or ‘getting laid’ (2) more serious relationships, and (3) marriage.
Reading the posts above, 80% are banging on about looks and physical appearance, but certainly marriage, and to an extent serious relationships as I’ve experienced ( both first and second hand) in Japan are the same as anywhere else in the world-that looks are what you see first, but who’s going to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t mentally stimulate you, or who has such different values that make every conversation a battle? Sure, a good looking guy/girl might get some superfluous interest in a bar, and may get you some action- but again, surely that’s the same anywhere in the world? Very much like the guys/girls with confidence and ‘game’ as it seems our American friends call it, hold the key in those initial encounters.
But I really can’t say from my experience( although I’m sure they’ll be people with stories to tell) that the physical appearance of a ‘gaijin’ is going to be enough to seal the deal on a long term, or even marriage destined relationship.
I don’t know too many non-Asian girl/ Japanese male partnerships, but from those that have tried and failed, it’s not down to any lack of attraction, more a very different set of cultural issues and expectations that ultimately cause the problems.
And in the same way, sure, most males who’ve lived in Japan can tell a tale or two about conquests, but that could happen anywhere. The couples that have stayed together and succeeded are generally because of a mutual appreciation and understanding of each other, and the good old factor of ‘love’, which has no blinkers or filters.
But yet again, that could be anywhere too.
I think the ‘zero to hero’ idea of western males in Japan, while not total fiction, is rather over played. A guy with a British accent getting attention in the US, or in Scandinavia etc. are just as common and likely.
LeTiss7, thank you so much for sharing your experience.
I think we certainly got to the point where it’s clear that we need to seperate between dating and marriage. I’m not sure if it was discussed here or in another similar blog post, but I totally agree.
I’ve seen a lot of married couples struggle because of cultural differences. I guess that can’t be helped. But I wonder if foreign male x Japanese woman just can cope better than vice versa or if there simply are way more Western men in Japan and that’s why the number of married couples (foreign man x Japanese woman) is so much higher.
Nice article, it’s definitely an interesting read for me! It’s nice to see how other foreign women have experienced what dating is like in Japan. I generally do agree with most of the points listed above, based on my observations. It seems like there’s more of a foreign-guy/Japanese-girl relationships than the other way around though I’ve noticed that that’s slowly starting to change in recent years. I find that nowadays more Japanese men are open to a relationship with a foreign girl and a guy dating a foreign girl is usually envied at by many (though again, that’s just my observations as a gaijin living in Japan). :)
Interestingly enough, in my case I am a foreign non-Asian looking woman (though I come from a South Asian country, I am most often told that I look like a ‘haafu’ due to my Dutch and German blood) and my SO is Japanese.
I met my SO outside of Japan years ago in America, and I’m now currently residing in Tokyo (I just moved here a couple months ago). I speak conversational Japanese quite fluently, yet despite that we both speak English at home. Though in the public we both speak Japanese, but for some reason it’s more comfortable for both of us to speak English. According to him, it’s because it’s easier to express his feelings in English (?) Maybe it was perhaps because he was exposed to the international culture abroad (he’s often the butt of the jokes from many of his friends since he’s a 帰国子女 or a ‘returnee’) but my experiences are definitely different than the foreign women you described in the article above.
For one thing, I don’t have to make so much of an effort as other foreign women – instead he is the one who makes more of the effort (that’s not to say that I don’t make any effort at all into the relationship though!). He pays the bills, deals with the cellphone/internet stuff, as well as the ridiculously complicated recycling schedule in our neighborhood. He also lets me deal with the budgeting and financial matters, yet also allows me to work and have my own job.
It’s an interesting juxtaposition. Like any other Japanese family we eat natto in the morning, take turns in the bath sharing the water, and etc. yet he’s also an avid football fan (I’m talking about American football btw) and can’t live a day without listening to his favorite American rock bands. This is despite the fact that neither of us are American – we just happen to grow up in America.
Many people have judged us both because our relationship is extremely rare. When people find out, they are usually confused at first yet they gradually become accepting of it. Yet despite the judgment, our relationship has survived for many years (and will continue for many years to come haha). We’ve just had our 4 year anniversary this summer, so I’m definitely looking towards the future together with him! :)
sunflowers12919, thanks so much for sharing your own story here with us. ^___^
In my experience, relationships where both partners have been abroad, usually work out much better – especially if one partner is Japanese.
It seems to be the case for you two as well.
I’m glad it works out for you and I hope you will have a happy future as well. :D
Hello and thanks for the post! I spent the whole night reading the comments and I got it all summed up in my brain (the dating politics in Japan).
I’m from the Eastern Europe and had two Japanese pen-friends meeting in my country. I was 17 and they were 27, 29.
The experience was truly awkward because of my own lack of experience in meeting people and “foreigners” (we used to be freaked out of foreigners too in Eastern Europe about 15-20 years ago) so I was quite “stiff” and scared in meeting my friends (I learned my English from corresponding with many Japanese people male and female during the 3 years). However I remember the Japanese guys handling my “scare” and “stiffness” well and they didn’t run away from our “date”, nor did they rush it.
We hanged out until it was my turn to go home and for a “Bye-bye” the 29 year old friend just grabbed my nose (unexpected, isn’t it?). This friend had spent 10 years abroad, so he behaved like a Westerner (funny and entertaining).
Later I met another Japanese who was staying in my country and his English was VERY bad and my Japanese was non-existent, so we just roamed around the city till the evening and then he said: “Come over to my place, I will make Japanese soup” and I said: “Sorry but I have to go home because I promised my mom I’ll be back by 8pm”. So he got pretty annoyed and that’s where our “friendship” ended. Something like that happened with the Japanese friend no 1 but I don’t remember what. So in general, I have this foggy memories about a very ambiguous dating/meeting up experience with the Japanese (actually for me any dating experience is full of obscurity…no matter the ace and nationality).
But it’s funny to read this because 15 years ago in Eastern Europe myself and some of my friends were something like “gaijin hunters”, simply trying to grasp some of the western air (that time unusual and rare) and learn English while hanging around in places that were tourist spots or galleries that held foreign artist exhibition (artists used to attend the opening ceremony). I always used to have an eye for Japanese people because of my that day craze about Japanese literature. Once in exhibition we saw two Japanese guys looking at us (we saw them before) but they DIDN’T DO ANYTHING (same mistake as mentioned above :) ). So we thought they didn’t like us, so we also DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. I guess we were supposed to walk up to them and ask something but the fear of rejection and bad English stopped us :) :heart:
Emuemu, thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. ^___^
I think the fear of rejection and “bad English” is a HUGE issue among Japanese men. So many (even the Japanese men themselves) have admitted it.
And even if you, as a Western girl, know about this, it doesn’t mean that you’re brave enough to take the first step. It’s really sad …. and it seems nothing has changed in the past few decades, huh? ;)
I dont mind having the allowance system and unlike most foreigners who move to Japan i am hoping to learn Japanese and use it. I am not worried about the gaijin hunters either because unlike some Americans i actually pla to have sex after marriage, and before marriage I would get to kow the girl much more emotionally.
That’s quite rare!
I’m not talking about learning Japanese and the stuff, but actually waiting until after your marriage. :)
Too bad for western women I guess?
Move to D.C. or Toronto or whatever city you like, Toronto has women that are 4s or 5s at Best who are pulling in guys who are GQ model types.
Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe is the non feminist/lesbian influenced spectrum of the world. A man can be a man like they used to be and not put up with the Western nonsense that has turned the majority into Beta males.
You sound like the ANC who can’t stand not having full control of South Africa and having to yield to Democratic Alliance in the Western Cape.
All I have to say to you is Eat your heart out!
Ben? It seems you’ve misconstrued a bitterness to a light-hearted article, and you seem to’ve done so rather bitterly.
I’m not sure I’d care for the planet you live on, all specious conflation of “feminist” and “lesbian” (entities equally terrifying to a real man like yourself, ergo: the same); idle indulgence of macho-misogynistic fantasies of masculinity; and utterly facile analogies drawn from South African politics, apropos of precisely nothing.
Being South African, and male, I feel only profound shame by the taint of association.
Well, Handing your money down to your wife isn’t very different from western countries. This happened on the US, UK and other countries. As the man was rarely home and the wife needed to have money at hand to buy groceries, clothing or things for the house. Women who didn’t work needed the cash. When the man gets paid, The woman would get only what she estimated she needed for the survival of the house and clothing of the children. With women being able to go to work now and all that. Men stopped giving their money to the wife as she now had money of her own. Nowadays the working couple pool the money, List what needs to be paid and split the difference among themselves. It’s pretty good because the man no longer needs to overwork him self.
On japan however, The family is a very important structure, Women either stay at home or Pursue a career not both. Japanese men are not obligated to hand over the money, It’s not a law in japan anywhere. In actuality below 50% and diving women handle things this way, There is a rising 30% where the financial distress is met by both working couple and are decided together. There is a 20% of men handling things themselves. At any rate, This practice is most common when the woman stays at home, The man works usually excessively to make ends meet to afford to have a wife, children and house under his sole paycheck. As a result she can’t be chasing after the guy to tell him what she needs, He’s barely home and doesn’t know what gets spent, So he hands over the money to the wife she gets what she needs and the rest is given back to the husband.
This is an issue if you’re going full traditional with a japanese woman that fully wants to assume the female gender role. How things are now, More women are working, Which is great because the man doesn’t have to work as hard. The point is this is something that your talk about in the relationship and decide how you play the field.
So, doesn’t it break down to the fact that both American and Japanese men would rather be with Japanese women because they are nicer than American Women? No women’s lib. No man hating. No materialistic greed. No slutiness.
Well this was interesting. Im not sure whether you are still checking this page out regularly. But I just wanted to share something despite not really knowing whether you can help me or not (just assuming that you really know japanese women). I’m married in my home country and was recently brought here to Japan by my office for a 1 year contract at our main Tokyo Office (my wife left at my home country). Its been a month now and Im looking for some fun/adventure, if you know what I mean. Because Im still new, that means no local mobile device yet and no personal internet yet (waiting for my 1st payday), and this made me become a regular weekend customer at a local coffee shop just to connect to their wifi. Last weekend, there is this girl at the next table whom I caught staring at me, and its been hours that we’ve frequently caught each other staring at one another and at some point i also gave a very discreet smile. Finally after a few hours she finally secured her things ready to leave and when she left passing by my table, she looked at me again and i noticed she is holding a calliing card on her right hand. I assumed she’s gonna give it to me but no… she just looked at me again, just passed and disappeared to the stairway down to the exit. But then few seconds after, she returned, passed on my table and went to the toilet. When she passed on my table for the exit again, we looked at each other once more, i cant see that calling card anymore, and she disappeared for good. I dont really know what’s on her mind, and I dont want to confront her either. Of course if I confronted her and i told her that i am a married man who just wanna know someone and have fun with someone here in japan, im afraid all might just be useless. And that ends my story… Im not an attractive guy (explaining my poor confidence in the story), but one look at me, you could easily say that Im not Japanese. She doesn’t seem like the liberated type, I believe she’s on here late twenties, just as I am too. I wish she is the type who also just wants to have some fun despite knowing my status. Like I said Im not really sure if you could help me with this, you may even hate me for my story knowing what I want, but I just shared it anyway. Just wanna know what japanese women’s perspective are on someone like me. Thanks and Im willing to accept any response.
Foreigners often have to spit some ‘game’, meaning they have to be slightly aggressive and charming in order to ask out girls whereas I didn’t see any Japanese guys doing that when I was there. I have no idea how dating game works in Japan but not one of them would approach a table of girls and flirt with them whereas a guy from Europe/N America definitely would since you have to be like that there to get a date.
Japanese girl(s) (I only dated one, so purely anecdotal) I found refreshingly direct too. After a few drinks she straight up told me she wanted to go back to my place which is unusual here, usually you have to game and game some more in order to convince girls to go home with you regardless if your intentions are long term marriage or one night stand. Talking with other guys apparently this is the norm in Japan girls don’t play around and get to the point.
The only reasons I can think of girls there wanting to date somebody foreign is because that person is slightly exotic thus why not try, there’s no cultural rules to adhere to the girls don’t have to pour the guy drinks or be subservient or act in a certain way they can just be themselves, and a lot of foreigners are highly affectionate in private and in public and seems girls there love it (what girl doesn’t). Also, Japanese Valentines day, I’ve never had a woman buy me anything but apparently that’s the norm there the girl gives the guy chocolates which was unexpected and cute. I bought her sexy lingerie, sweets, and took her to a specially themed place for bridal romance :P This is standard game in N. America to charm your girlfriend, she told me it’s unheard of there and totally loved it.
If a foreign girl wants a Japanese man she has to go up to him and ask him out. They are still males so will of course say yes like any male would when approached by a girl. I doubt any Japanese guy would expect cultural norms from a foreign girl like the woman pouring his drinks all night. So if you’re a foreign woman in Japan approach anybody you want just like we do.
I agree with the approaching part, it seems to be necessary if you want to get to know a Japanese guy as a foreign woman in Japan.
I wonder if even Japanese women have to be more proactive than they would have to in a foreign country. ^^;
I’m a Asian/British person since my mother is Chinese and my father is British would this article applied to me????
Would what apply to you? Are you male or female?
And just one thing in general, this is not a recipe or a guide for dating that applies to everyone. Everyone is different, so don’t take my article too serious, ok? ;)