Life in Japan

All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men

After publishing the article “The Truth About Dating In Japan As A Foreigner” a lot of female readers asked me what it’s like to date a Japanese guy.

Many seemed to be interested in cultural differences and resulting problems in the relationship between a foreign woman and a Japanese man.

Although I’ve been in Japan for 6 years now, I totally lack that kind of experience. smilie

Instead I asked friends and fellow bloggers, who have had Japanese boyfriends or are even married to a Japanese man, to share their personal experience with us.

It was an interesting journey and I want to thank all of the participants for taking the time to tell us about their own unique story. smilie


Name: Zia
Nationality: Puerto Rican
Age: 24

First, let’s hear what Zia has to say. She’ been in Japan for many years and had to go through a lot during her time here already:

I moved to Japan when I was 18 and have been dating Asian guys ever since. I’ve never dated Western guys, though. I often hear girls who long for Asian boyfriends say that Western guys are dogs, and I can confidently say that Asian men are no different. Just like with any place you go, you have your good guys and your bad guys.”

Dating Japanese MenZia, I think we can all agree with that! smilie

“During my first couple of years here, I encountered a lot of guys whose interest in me came purely from the fact that I was foreign. They wanted to know all about Puerto Rico and always brought up the fact that one day, I’d return to my own country.”

I wonder if that’s generally one thing that might prevent Japanese men from dating a Western girl. They’re afraid that one day she might leave Japan again? Hm.

“Now that I’m older, I still come across a lot of men who seem interested in dating a foreigner for language reasons. These are the types of guys I feel we foreign girls encounter most. Amongst them, the good guys are hidden!”

I think that’s generally a big problem – not only when trying to find an “honest” relationship, but also true friends. I’ve heard from many people that they were just “used” as an opportunity to get free English lessons (or whatever their native language was). I bet it’s difficult to filter the ones who are truly interested.

Not only that, but also stereotypes seem to be an issue:

“There are a lot of stereotypes and some girls use them for their own personal gain. Those that stand true to who they are seem to be the ones who find solid relationships. In my case, for instance, men are quick to bring up the topic of bikinis and love hotels the minute I mention I’m Latina. They expect me to put out whenever we’d go out. For a long while, after the loss of someone I planned on spending my entire life with, I gave in to that stereotype and was unable to get involved in a serious relationship.”

Zia is pointing out a few problems in her current relationship due to cultural differences:

“Now, I’m in a happy relationship with an older man who doesn’t speak a lick of English or Spanish, which is my main language. We come across a lot of problems. For one, I’m very passionate in my way of moving and speaking, and I sometimes forget to respect personal space. I’m not at all intimidated by physical contact. He’s the opposite. What we consider common sense is very different.”



Name: Jen
Nationality: British
Age: 27

Jen has dated a couple of Japanese guys and is now married to one. She has experienced issues in her relationship because of cultural differences:

“When I first started dating my husband he was embarrassed to hold hands with me in public. This applied more in Japan than when we were in England, although now he seems completely okay with it. In general, Japanese men are likely to be embarrassed about showing affection in public – even things like putting an arm around someone’s shoulders, or hugging, never mind kissing. Very touchy feely Japanese couples are definitely NOT the norm.”

As another big problem Jen states:

Long working hours and overtime are common here in Japan. My first Japanese boyfriend would go for weeks without contacting me because he was working late every day. Also, a general lack of e-mailing, phone calls etc. seems to be normal. Although I don’t think that this just applies to Japanese men!”

In the previous article we were already discussing the language issue that cross-cultural couples might have. Jen says:

“If you can both speak the other person’s language, there are probably going to be disagreements about what language to speak. My husband and I have a system where we swap languages every day – so today is an English day, and tomorrow is Japanese. At first, we went through periods where we would only speak English (which I didn’t like) or when we would only speak Japanese (which he didn’t like). Obviously we change it according to the circumstances (we are not going to speak in English to each other when out with a lot of Japanese friends!), but this system really works for us. I think this is an important thing to sort out!

Dating Japanese Men

Jen and her husband on vacation in Korea.

Jen’s advice for overcoming or dealing with cultural differences is:

“I think in general, it’s important to be very open about what you are expecting from the relationship. If you need a lot of hugs and affection, make sure that he knows and don’t just get annoyed that he’s not automatically doing it. As long as you’re both honest and open about things, and actually communicate properly with each other, it should be okay!”

If you are single like me, you probably wonder about how to approach a Japanese man. Jen suggests:

“Even if you are shy, if you like someone you should be proactive about it. There is a good chance that he will like you too, and just not have imagined that you could possibly be interested in him. A lot of Japanese men seem to have an inferiority complex (many of my Japanese male friends have told me this), so they might not imagine that any non-Japanese woman would ever be interested in them. So if you like someone, go for it!”



Name: River
Nationality: American (USA)
Age: late 20s

River is a young American who has dated a few Japanese guys before marrying one of them. About her first Japanese boyfriend she says:

“He was just a gaijin-hunter, so that didn’t go to well. He wouldn’t learn any English and it was really frustrating to communicate only in Japanese. At first I was happy about this, because I wanted to speak Japanese. However, the deeper things went, the more difficult it was to understand each other. Even when we broke up it was long and drawn out and he wanted to ‘stay friends’ which I’ve heard is what most Japanese guys like to do. Even after we’d been broken up for a few months he’d still write to me and ask what I was doing and how I was …”

After dating a few Japanese guys she finally met her husband. They seem to have issues caused by cultural differences, but they were able to overcome some of them:

When I started dating my husband, I didn’t really feel that we had any cultural barriers. I guess because by then I’d been in Japan long enough that I knew my way around and I had lived with two Japanese host families, so I have a good sense of Japanese manners and customs. We only spoke in Japanese with each other for a short time before he started to learn English, so he could communicate with me better. We eventually stopped speaking Japanese and now I’m actually unable to speak Japanese in front of him (shy, embarrassed … I’m not sure). I actually forget that he’s Japanese and that he can speak Japanese.”

Although they’ve found a solution for some of the problems, River says:

After we got married we had some trouble with things like housework and money, but I’m not sure if that’s just him, a Japanese trait, or normal married life. He doesn’t expect me to cook Japanese food and he doesn’t measure me by my miso soup making skills (I’ve gotten told by MANY people that my husband will basically judge me on my miso soup). We do have a lot of trouble communicating when we fight and again I’m not sure if it’s a language issue, culture, or just us …”

I found the following statement interesting, because I heard a lot of Western girls with Japanese boyfriends or husbands saying the exact same thing:

My husband isn’t a typical Japanese guy.

River adds:

“I actually have a big problem with people prefacing their relationships with their significant other’s ethnicity. I never call my husband my ‘Japanese husband’. And I hate it when people act like I won a prize or ‘got’ something special because he’s Japanese. He’s just … him.”



Name: Alyse
Nationality: American (USA)
Age: 25

Alyse, a young American woman married to a Japanese man, notices the following cultural differences that sometimes cause problems in her relationship:

“Every guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with has been different from the last, but I suppose dating a Japanese guy has the added spice of major cultural differences, as opposed to just differences in hobbies or upbringing. And from these differences, the biggest one would be language. No matter how fluent each of us becomes in our second language, something is always lost in translation, and that can quickly escalate into a huge argument until we don’t even remember what we started arguing about in the first place. But there’s nothing we can really do other than keep studying and keep trying. So for that part, a significant amount of patience might be necessary.”

Dating Japanese Men

The language barrier seems to be a real issue even when you try hard to understand each other. However, Alyse mentions other problems as well:

“Another difference I noticed has to do with taking care of the household. It took a bit of adjusting (especially on my husband’s side). We knew that we would both be working, but when we first got married, Shota was under the impression that I would be making him lunch every morning, doing his laundry, and just taking care of the house as well as going to work full-time. It’s taken all 3 years of being married and countless long-winded explanations/rants in English and Japanese on my part, but most of the chores are split down the middle now.”

Just like River, Alyse also notices cultural differences when it comes to responsibilities in the household. Her advice is:

“I think when it comes to international relationships, especially with women from countries where men and women are viewed as mostly equals, it takes a lot of time and effort by both for it to work, and if both aren’t ready to concede or make compromises, the relationship won’t last for long.”

Alyse also mentioned another potential issue that nobody else brought up thus far:

“Something I’ve heard is that their mothers can be quite a problem, and this isn’t just for non-Japanese women, but just for the wives of Japanese men in general. The relationship between the mother-in-law and wife can be tenuous at best, and disastrous at its worse. And if you’re dating/marrying the eldest son of the family, you might be expected to move in with his family to take care of his parents as they age. This trend has started to drop off a bit in this generation, but it’s just one of the many things you should think about in a serious relationship!”

I also asked Alyse if she has any advice for us single girls when it comes to dating Japanese men:

Landing a Japanese guy is EASY. Landing a guy who is serious about dating you, and understanding when he is serious, might be a bit harder to do. I didn’t start officially dating Shota until I confessed to him. If they reply positively, then you’re basically a couple, and if not, then it’s probably not going to work. But no matter how many dates you go on, you’re probably not a couple until you confess to him. At least, that’s how I’ve come to understand it. Every person/couple is different, so I suppose the biggest thing is to be open to whatever comes and not to make judgments or assumptions beforehand.”



Name: Claudia
Nationality: German
Age: 23

Claudia is a fellow German woman, but unlike me she met a Japanese guy in her younger days and got married already:

“My husband and I met when I was 19 and living in Tokyo on a Working Holiday Visa. I had not dated terribly much before. There had been two relationships that lasted for a while – with a Japanese guy and with a Korean guy.
We met through friends of friends. At the first meeting we exchanged mail addresses, met up a few times after that and at some point it just happened. Then, I had to leave the country (simple reason: my visa expired), we were in a long-distance-relationship for almost two years and got married as soon as he graduated university.”

Claudia says that her husband actually never wanted to marry a Japanese woman and here’s why:

“According to him, Japanese women are annoying, because they rather keep their emotions inside. Thus, little annoyances turn into huge problems. He also says that, as soon as Japanese women have babies, they turn into mothers, with not hint of the awesome wife you had before, destroying romance and attraction. I’m not entirely sure where he got these ideas from, but they’re his reasons.”

Dating Japanese Men

Claudia mentions issues, but also continuous efforts in her relationship that are necessary because of cultural differences:

“When we met he only spoke Japanese, but right now he is making an effort to learn English (we gave up on German, he promised he’ll start learning as soon as we have children). As most Japanese people, he is hugely interested in food and works too much. 120 hours of overtime should not be normal for anyone.”

According to Claudia the biggest difference between dating a Western man and dating a Japanese one is:

Showing physical affection outside of the house: When we started dating, he wouldn’t even hold my hand when we were outside. Fortunately he has gotten used to it, but he will not hold my hand in front of his parents unless I initiate it. Kissing is still extremely embarrassing for him, and so the physical part of the relationship happens at home. At first, this sudden change in affection as soon as the door closed behind us was weird, but now I actually like it. It’s like there’s a side of my husband only I know.

Another difference she has found between Japanese and German (Western) men is the following:

“He is willing to spend a lot more money on food and travel than I’d expect a German to. To him it’s normal that good things cost money and he’d rather have a stellar experience (paid for with his overtime pay) than a cheap, but unsatisfying one. He also doesn’t complain about my spending, as long as I can afford it.”

Claudia doesn’t mention any problems with her mother-in-law. On the contrary, she had less problems with her husband’s family than she thought she would have:

His parents luckily were excited about the prospect of gaining a German daughter-in-law. I’m not sure most Japanese parents would be that happy, but my father-in-law used to go abroad for work several times a year, and a relative has been living in Canada for basically forever, so they’re open towards foreign cultures. Oh, and Germany has a ridiculously good reputation in Japan. I had a chance to meet a big part of the family and the only one who had any ‘problems’ was my husband’s grandmother, who even after meeting me several times still doesn’t believe that I actually speak Japanese. I’m not going to complain though, she’s in her 80s.”

Claudia doesn’t seem to have to fight with her husband about doing the chores:

“Different from some other Japanese men, my husband doesn’t complain about my housewife skills. At least not a lot. He does not expect me to keep the house extremely clean or to cook every day. Not only does my husband not make a fuss, he actually helps with the household when he has the time.”

When asked for advice on how to go about finding a Japanese boyfriend, Claudia’s response was:

Know people who have access to tons of Japanese people. Ask to meet their friends. Be yourself, but keep in mind that Japanese culture is different from your own culture. Respect that, as far as you can without being untrue to yourself. Speaking Japanese also helps a big deal, especially as you will probably deal with the family of your boyfriend or spouse at some point.”



Name: Vivian
Nationality: Canadian
Age: 30

Last, but not least Vivian, a Canadian in her 30s, has a very positive opinion about cultural differences in a relationship:

“There’s always interesting cultural differences that pop up in the course of the relationship – some are exciting, while others can be more difficult to deal with, but I think it’s the same as any relationship, regardless of the culture. There’s always things you learn about the other person. Being in Japan, I think that dating a Japanese man can open up a whole new world, seeing Japan from a Japanese perspective, and you can learn a lot about the country and culture.”

As for finding a Japanese boyfriend, she suggests:

“I think men are men – everywhere in the world. Of course there are some specific cultural traits that differ, but overall, I’d say finding a Japanese boyfriend is the same as finding any boyfriend. Japanese men might seem shy at first, but ultimately they want the same thing.
If you can’t speak much Japanese, it’s probably best to go for a Japanese man who has lived abroad and can speak fluent English. If you can speak Japanese, you have better chances to meet them as it’s easier to have a conversation and flirt when you share a language. My advice is to take things slow, but if you like a Japanese guy don’t be shy to ask him out as he might be too intimidated to do so.”

Vivian has an interesting advice for anybody who wants to date a Japanese man that nobody else mentioned so far:

“This may not please everyone, but I suggest to take good care of your physical appearance. For example, most Japanese women are meticulous about their appearance, and while you don’t need to look like a walking doll, basic things like nice clothes, healthy body, skin and hair really make a difference. I believe you should never change your personality to please a man! I’m sure some Japanese men think most foreign girls are too loud and extroverted, but if that’s how you are then you should find someone who will embrace it.”



Dating Japanese Men – Conclusion

I think we all gained very interesting insights thanks to these young women who were willing to share their unique stories and experiences with us.

While there’s no doubt that each relationship is different, a few things were mentioned again and again. I guess it’s safe to say that you should keep those in mind if you are thinking about dating Japanese men:

  • Japanese men are often very shy, so you should be proactive
  • There might be no physical contact in front of others ( in Japan)
  • There might be fights over household responsibilities
  • Even if you speak each other’s mother tongue there might be communication issues
  • Overtime and long working hours could become a problem in a relationship
  • Be open-minded and ready to compromise

I know there are a lot of young women out there who are either interested in dating Japanese men or who are already in a relationship. This post could only display the experience of a handful of people. If you have your own unique story, questions or comments, don’t be shy and speak up! Of course, guys are welcome to share their opinion and experience as well! smilie

I’m looking forward to hearing from you! smilie


  • I met a Japanese guy on Badoo social network,he asked if we can meet which I accepted,we went for a lunch and went to play in Ferrari wheel inSide there he kissed me but I didn’t return the kiss but he is too shy ,I think I like him and is his first time of dating since his life time,please I need advice on how to keep him to myself ,am also having problems in terms of language and he can speak very little English.

  • I am married to a japanese man and this article helps me understand more about “Us”. It’s true that japanese men are not into PDA’s and reserve their “sweet side” at home when it’s just the two of you. And i’m lucky enough to found someone who never push me to be the most “good and ideal” housewife i could be. I can always have my “lazy days” where my husband is the one washing our clothes and doing the dishes and when im not feeling well my husband also took care of me by asking what do i want to eat and prepared the most “instant” food he could offer (He doesn’t know how to cook!) Though we’re still working on our “communication and Language Barrier” issues, but over all i have the best husband in the world! 😊💞

  • An amazing post you have there! I thought it was really fascinating. I’m from the UK and I’ve recently went on a family holiday to Japan. On our way to Mount Fuji I saw a guy around my age with his family too. There were only a few stops left and he walked past me to get to into the other seating area. I was looking out the window and I turned my head and whilst he was walking up we had intensely locked eyes for about 4 seconds. until the point I felt time had stopped. I had never felt this experience before but we couldn’t say anything due to us being with our families. I’m not really good with relationships and i’m pretty anti-social. I’m also not the kind to be all romantic. I had gotten of the train before him we took a glance again and he looked a bit panicked. I regret not smiling whilst making eye contact I didn’t think of it after I got off the train and it still bugs me. I just got back from my trip a few days ago. There’s also no chance of me seeing him again.. What does this mean by when a Japanese guy makes strong eye contact with you?

    • I guess he was flirting with you – which is still rather rare among Japanese guys, but not totally out of place.
      But even though he was flirting with you, he was obviously too shy to approach you.
      And I totally hear you. I wouldn’t have dared to do more than exchanging stares. ;)

  • Ive been recently checking blogs about dating japanese men.. And I found yours very interesting!

    Im 28, filipina and currently working in Dubai.

    I met my Japanese friend last 2012 in Cebu,Philippines where i previously work as an ESL teacher.
    He was not my student but we became good friends until now. We started hanging out for a couple of months and I do like him a lot but I was very unlucky to know that he was in a long distance Relationship at that time. And time was so fast and its his time to leave and study English in United States. Then I moved here in Dubai .. Chats, Skype calls and Emails continues… Was like almost everyday with the time difference’ and never get a chance to tell him that i Like him. Then 2015 was like 4 or 5 months we never keep in touch DONNU IT JUST HAPPENED… I was dating with an american guy at that time and found out that my J-friend deleted me almost of his accounts and found it out first on FACEBOOK! and i totally freaked out and Sent him a message ” you deleted me at your friends list” I donnu why i said that! hahah then same day he replied and said NO WAY!! and i Would never do that! then he mentioned PROBABLY my wife.. and he got married with another girl he knew in USA. I tried to keep distance with him..but it never happened since our communication continues till then’ now he’s facing serious problem with his marriage life LETS say its a very CONFIDENTIAL thing between him and his wife’ that even his in-laws advise him and gaves their approval to divorce with her..He even ask me what to do but i think i am not in the position to tell him what to do… the thing is he wants me to live in Japan or work with him their’ and even ask me if its possible to get married with a filipina in Philippines as he have heard with his japanese friends. BUT he never tells me that he likes me’ its like he’s showing me something that could be that he likes me but i refuse to think about it..since japanese guys are really hard to predict. but he always tells me that he’s always happy when he talks to me.. and I am too!! the thing is I need an advice Can i tell him that i do like him or ill wait till he will divorce with his wife and wait till he would tell me first about his feelings towards me? Im really confused lately… need help’ and keep NOTE that we never meet again since 2012 but we often talk on skype like most of the day’ he would sleep late and wait for me till i finish work of the time difference. ( Dubai to JApan is like 5hours behind) .
    SHOULD I tell him that i like him? or ill wait for his divorce and meet him and tell him how I feel..

    • That’s a very difficult situation you’re in.
      I guess the questions is if you want to wait. Maybe once he gets his divorce, he’ll look for another partner in Japan soon.
      So, maybe you shouldn’t wait until you tell him?
      At least, if he doesn’t have feelings for you, you can move on.
      Good luck.

  • I met a man on a social app, who is divorced and 10 yrs older than me, which doesn’t really bother me though, and he really seems to adore me… We’ve been chatting since the past month and I can feel we are becoming closer… Though it’s not always easy because of the language barrier, which at times is totally frustrating. Therefore I decided that I should start learning Japanese seriously, and he told me he would like to improve his English. So it makes me happy to read that there are cases when such relationships ended in hopefully still functional, (seeing how old this article is) marriages. So maybe there is hope for us yet!

  • It was really reassuring to read those stories! Thank you so much :)

    I am still to young to think about relationships but I kinda wish to marry a Japanese men myself but the problem for me is that I am pretty unsure of my outside appearance.
    I don’t look like a model/doll, my tights are a bit bigger for my age than they should be but that is because of my bones, but I doubt that someone would understand that.

    That’s a problem my friend and I are facing. We both aren’t confident because we don’t look like models.
    Do you still think that we will be able to find someone even if we don’t look perfect?

    • And who said that Japanese men only are interested in looks?
      Especially if they’re tired of Japanese women who always try to look like perfect models, maybe it’s refreshing to find a foreign woman who doesn’t look like a model?

      Not sure why you’re afraid of such a thing, but would you want to be together with a guy who only likes you because you look like a model? ;)

  • Hi, good day, i really had fun reading this article.. and i would also like to share my experience and also to ask advice about my relationship since i cant talk about it to anyone i know.

    Im 22yrs old and never been in a relatioship,im an introvert person and gets awkward when im in a a comoany of opposite sex, So last aug. I decided to enroll again in a Japanese Language School, so the school at that time already has a New Japanese teacher who is 9yrs older than me. In the first day of class, i dont really talk much since im a shy person and everyone already know each other since they have been classmate before. I didn’t really saw my sensei in a romantic way at that time, but i think most girls will like him, since he’s handsome,smart, very professional, funny, good at english and looks very young for his age..our classes is only twice a week.. so everytime we had class he would always joke around, and sometimes we together with my classmates would talk about personal topics like relationship and so on.. and found out that he once had a western girlfriend before, i also shared to them that ive never been on a relationship before and i prefer a japanese boyfriend also most of my classmate are married or has a japanese boyfriend..i dont really know when, but i started to harbor some feelings for him, like would think of him everyday, imagine myself going on a date.. but at that time, i think that it would really be impossible since im kinda chubby,but i have confidence in my face and i always do my best during his class.and so on september, i bravely ask him for his LINE acc. during class.Yes,i got his line but was afraid to send him a message coz might found out that i have a crush on him. But i was shocked the next day and the day after because he would always greet me good morning and ask about my i started to fall more and more,and then suddenly he ask me to dinner, i said yes, it was a dream come true..we talk alot of things and got to know him more at dinner and then i accompanied him to do some groceries, im really comfortable when im with him.After that we went to his place and i accompanied him since he bought a lot and coul not carry all..we watch some anine movie in his place, nd it was getting late and i was planning to go home.. but he told me, since i have nothing to do thenext day, i should i know that this day would end up in bed. to be honest i was very nervous at that time, and also im a virgin i told him,but im not really that innocent i entrusted my body to him.during tht time, he ask me if i like him.. i told him yes he could not believ e it and just said thank you. After that,He also ask me about religion since he doesnt have one and im a catholic.. and i told him honestly that him having no reigion if aright by me, since im not a religious person myself and I belive that religion should not be thing to seperate peole.i learned lot of new side at him at that time.and also we have to keep this secret just the two of us.. we always act to be normal at school so no one would notice, our only communication is Line,school and his place.. but to be honest, im still not sure about our relationship, none of us brought it up, are we just friends with benefit? If i told him, i like him..he will just say thank you, but evrytime we’re together he would always treat me kindly,and show me sides he never show at school .. and also one of my classmate who is very observant told me suddenly,that she can see that sensei care about me, she told me the way she treat me in class is too different than other student..but lately
    he rarely message me in line.I have to message him first its not like before.
    i know hes busy, but i just wat to have those good morning message on times when we cant see each other…there are lot of things i want to talk to him, but i dont know how.. im not realy proactive kind of persn and he is older than me by
    9 years. So sometimes, i always say to myself that i have to act mature..
    its realky hard right now,whre will this relationship go? I really like him very much and he knows it very well. But im still confuse of our relationship right now, since he never said he likes me or am i his girlfriend? I know i uave to brought it up to him someday,but i dont know how.. im really confue right now, since i cnt talk about it to anyone. Thank you for listening

  • Hi there! I really your blog. I have japanese boyfriend and as i read your blog most of it i can feel it to my boyfriend. I always ask him how is everything?or whatsoever to build our conversation. Sometimes he could reply ASAP then sometimes late reply. He is workaholic that he tends to be busy everyday then he will keep on saying i’m sorry for this and that bec of work. Yes sometimes i can’t say things that i’d like too because he’s busy. Long distance relationship. I hope that i can read more of your blogs about this so that i can understand him well. Thank you.

  • Thanks for posting this one. I’ve been dating a Japanese guy now and this will certainly help me understand him more. I guess I still have to be more patient especially with the time he normally spends at work.

  • Hi!

    I stayed in japan only for 3 months and met a guy whom they called the majimi type..
    we had several dates and he also mentioned that he likes me very much and we holds hands in public adding that he carries my bag.
    he made some effort by traveling 2 hours just to go to my house on my last day in japan.
    now that im in my country we still keep in touch often.
    i really dont know our real stand. with the things i mentioned, do you think that we are already a couple without hearing him saying the magic words?..

    thanks to all and this post is really cool!

  • So I met japanese worker who live in my country. we talked, hang out and I took him to my friends. The huge problem is he doesn’t speak english, nor my languange. I learned Japanese last year but I now can’t really speak Japanese well. He’s taking class and now learning my language (Bahasa Indonesia). I was shocked when he changed his profile picture with our photo at our first date then he said he love me. Now, I don’t know should I believe in that or not?

  • Thank you for the ideas :)
    I am currently dating a Japanese guy who is older than me and he seemed so sincere in showing me his love by being helpful to me and my family. He is also trying his best to learn English and Tagalog. He’s shy to me when he visited me in my country and we met in person. He was respectful to me and my family.
    He is sweet in our chat everyday, but shy in person. He is planning to visit me again here in my country soon, and I’m excited for that!

  • hi! i’ve been dating a japanese guy for almost 2 months. he’s working in my country for 2 years, and he’s been here for 4 months only! so we basically met when he was just arriving.
    we have a lot of fun together. he’s shy in public, won’t hold my hand or whatever but i’m ok with that. as soon as we close the door of my/his apartment he will turn into a wild and passionate companion. he’s sweet when we are together in private.
    he already told me last week that he really liked me, that i was beautiful, that he likes me a lot and stuff. i replied “i like you too, a lot”.
    does this mean the famous “japanese confession”? does this mean it’s official?
    i’m confused because he doesn’t talk too much about his feelings and i’m afraid to ask him directly “hey, are we a couple or what?”
    he already said he’s only dating me but how can i be sure?
    the other problem i have is that he’s not that proactive. barely texts me haha, so i forced myself to be proactive and text him.. he also works a lot but i can’t win over his job.

    any advice?

  • Hello, I’ve been texting with Japanese guy for quite sometime, (~3years). But we never met, only texting. But for the past 3 years he never initiate the conversation, I’m the one who started it, but once I start it, he is the one who always talked about himself, quite self-centered. But I realized that I might like him, and without realizing, i had confessed to him (sounds crazy, right). He rejected me politely because he said that he devoted his life in study, so he was a bit shocked with my confession but he glad to hear it. And my concern is, I tried to forget him, but I just can’t, and I wanted to stop texting him, but I can’t, and when I thought that he won’t reply me, he will definitely reply me like nothing happened. Am I still regarded as friend or he just forcefully trying to be nice to me because he think that I’m so pitiful? He’s just so nice whenever I texted him which makes me even hard to stop being friend with him, but I want to move on. 😟

  • Let me spare you a lot of annoyance and frustration: don’t date Japanese men. I have never met so many emotionally stunted little bitches in my life. As I write I’m sitting here all dressed up with nowhere to go because the latest little child in a man’s body I’m dating didn’t show up *again* because apparently I said something he didn’t like – I’m guessing here because heavens forbid he actually say something. Instead he just didn’t show up or message me – again.

    Dating one of these children is EXHAUSTING! It’s constant walking on eggshells and trying to guess what you did or said to make him pissy this time, and it could be anything. Did you suggest a restaurant you forgot he said he didn’t like? Well, I hope you like the silent treatment – remember when you were 7?

    I’d say to hell with Japanese men but there are no Japanese men, only overgrown children.

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