Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan?
Well, then this post is exactly what you’ve been looking for!
However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me! .gif){kind=small}
Before we start talking about “Dating in Japan” one thing should be crystal clear:
Dating Experience is Different for Foreign Women and Men
If you’ve ever been to Japan you might have noticed that there’s a tremendous number of (often not so handsome) foreign guys walking hand-in-hand with Japanese women. And at the same time, there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them.
You might ask yourself why is that?
Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!
A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them. For some reason (maybe through the consumption of too many Hollywood movies) Japanese women think that foreign men are like that! They’re not afraid of showing their feelings in public or telling their girls flat out how they feel about them.
Of course, having a foreign boyfriend is also “cool” and “exotic“. Some just use those poor guys as cute little “accessories“.
The extreme version of this is known as “gaijin hunter” and some will do everything for the sake of having one of those adorable “half”-kids (half Western, half Japanese) just to toss their foreign guy later on.
For foreign women, it’s a completely different story.
Japanese men seem to expect certain things from a woman. Things that they fear a foreign woman would not agree to do (e.g. stay-home moms, always pour new alcohol into his empty glass etc.).
Maybe they also think that a foreign woman might expect from their man that he’s telling his feelings straight out several times a day, something a shy Japanese man just won’t do.
Another problem is that many of the Japanese men seem to be afraid of their English ability and thus fail to approach a foreign woman.
Most foreign men on the other hand, have no issues approaching a Japanese woman in English – or even in broken Japanese.
These are just a few theories by friends, co-workers and myself. I’m sure you have your own and there’s much more behind all this.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Man:
As a result, dating in Japan is usually quite easy for men.
At least getting one woman after another into your bed, is really easy, even if you’re quite ugly!
For some reason, Japanese women seem to find even ugly foreign guys attractive …..
It might be a bit more difficult if you’re looking for a serious relationship as there are those women I mentioned earlier who either want you as “exotic accessory” or just want your DNA to create a cute “half-child”.
All in all, it is comparably easy for a Western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan.
For some guys, it really gets to their heads and they start bragging about it like crazy. They suffer from the so-called superstar syndrome.
Dating in Japan as a Foreign Woman:
For (Western) foreign women in Japan it’s a completely different story.
Japanese guys are often too shy or even scared and the majority of Western men is only interested in Japanese / Asian women.
As a result it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.
It is by far not impossible and I know quite a few girls who don’t only have a Japanese boyfriend, but are also married to a Japanese guy, but it is still the BIG exception!
Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan.
You’ll start to feel completely unattractive and ignored at times.
Of course, you get a lot of attention and there’s all this staring, but it’s not because anybody is flirting with you … or at least you don’t know the difference anymore.
It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.
Differences in Relationships:
I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have.
Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.
Foreign Man + Japanese Woman:
In relationships where the man is foreign, I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. Although they live in Japan and sometimes even have children together who also speak Japanese, the foreign guys don’t / can’t speak Japanese.
I also experienced that they’re unable to do anything on their own. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him. .gif){kind=small}
Consequently, a lot of foreign men in Japan don’t see the need to study Japanese, because their wives will take care of all the important things.
One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.
Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.
Foreign Woman + Japanese Man:
For the opposite constellation, you’ll see that in most(!) cases the woman speaks Japanese. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue.
They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.
The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. Most of the time those kinds of Japanese men who get into a relationship with a foreign woman are more open-minded and have some experience with foreign culture because they’ve lived or studied abroad for a while. And even those who haven’t, seem to accept that there are cultural differences. So, they don’t expect the same they would from a Japanese woman.
All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.
Conclusion: Dating in Japan
There’s so much more that could be said about this topic. I’d love to discuss it with you, so get involved in the comment section below.
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion and experience with this.
All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan – at least in terms of romantic relationships – could be quite lonely at times.
Read on:
- All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men
- Dating a Japanese Woman: What’s It Really Like?
- Is Dating Japanese Women Really That Easy?
If you still want to read more, here are some great books on “Dating in Japan”:
- Understanding Japanese Women by Jonathan C. Richards
- How to Meet Japanese Women by Evan Carter
- True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan by Yuta Aoki (who’s also written a dating article on my blog)
Gentlemen, could you please take the women who could only pick her words inappropriately like JP girl in your country? We receive the attractive western women in exchange. :)
I’m a guy and I think it’s hot being used by a woman for breeding.
Dating is probably the last thing I googled while preparing to leave for East-Asia. But here I am, and it’s kind of disconcerting. Most of the articles are on essentially power imbalances and scummy white guys teaching English for all the wrong reasons. I’m worried that I won’t be able to find a nice Western Catholic girl abroad. :( But I guess if all the Western guys are off chasing Japanese and Korean girls I can meet some of the gorgeous Western girls with a sense of adventure. ;)
There ARE Western Catholic girls in Japan who are not there to find a Japanese guy, so it’s possible! :)
You just won’t find much about this on the internet, because the majority of Western guys seem to want a Japanese girlfriend while they’re in Japan.
While you state up front that your thesis is predicated upon your own personal experience, that you might exaggerate in order to stimulate discussion and that you may sometimes convey the impression that you engage in sarcasm, I believe, on the whole, that your experience is highly unusual and is the exception rather than the rule.
I am a US citizen and a highly paid executive of a foreign company in Japan. I am in my late thirties, 190 centimeters tall with blond hair and blue eyes and I have been told that I am handsome by western as well as Japanese/Asian women. I dress very well and am extremely fit as I work out nearly every day. I have a graduate degree. I would consider myself a good “catch” for any woman based upon appearances. I have a good personality and sense of humor. And I love women regardless of race or ethnic background.
The fact is that despite all these so-called “advantages” Japanese women do not flock around me and I do not do any better in Japan than I would in my home country. I still have to make the approach and have some “game” in addition to my good looks. And not all Japanese women(and indeed western women) succumb to my charms. Based upon my own personal experience, “getting” women in Japan is about the same as it is in the US and other western countries and, I submit, perhaps a bit more difficult due to cultural and language considerations.
Your view that even ugly men have it easy in Japan to date women and bed one after another just does not ring true, especially if these western social outcasts are English teachers in smaller towns in the country. Japanese girls would be less inclined to get involved with such unattractive misfits because of family strictures and the small time mentality. Certainly such individuals would not fare well in larger cities like Tokyo. I have seen extremely few unattractive, geeky looking foreign guys with really hot Japanese women. For the most part, I have seen such individuals with very low class, heavily made up but largely unattractive(in my view) Japanese bimbos. I would not give the time of day to these girls.
If you go to so-called “gaijin” bars in Roppongi like “MoTown” for example, gaijin swill out number girls by a ratio of at least 5 to 1. Furthermore, the percentage of hot Japanese women in these bars is minuscule and some of them are prostitutes. Thus, the competition for the hotties is very high and they have the pick of the gaijin community in those establishments. Unattractive geeks have literally no chance to succeed unless they have a lot of “game”. If they do, trust me, they would also be successful in their home countries as well. Thus, geeks would have it very tough in that environment and they would be treated similarly there as they would in their home country.
Western women have the mistaken impression that Japanese women somehow find western men very handsome which western women would think to be unattractive or at best only average in their home country. This assumes, of course, that Japanese women apply different and odd criteria in evaluating male beauty and far from the standards of western countries. This is a priori completely false. Scientific studies have shown that individuals across ethnic, cultural and racial boundaries essentially conform in their evaluation of what is attractive. Indeed, there are preferences which certain people find more attractive than others but physical beauty standards for both males and females are pretty much the same world over. And why should your judgement of who is handsome by “western standards” be any more valid than the opinion of Japanese females? All western men do not look the same to Japanese women. They know the difference between Brad Pitt look a likes and more average looking western men. They are certainly not like the native Tahitian women in “Mutiny on the Bounty” who thought all the white men were beautiful just because of the color of their skin. Modern Japanese women are sophisticated, have traveled to foreign countries and are very much aware of the differences in western men. Yes, western men may get some points for being “exotic” or “white” because that is a standard that has been pushed upon them by movies and the media. White models and movie stars are cynosures to some Japanese women and so they will be acutely aware of who is handsome, average looking or ugly by western standards just like their western counterparts.
Thus, if you are average looking in your home country, you are considered to be the same in Japan with perhaps a point or two just because you are foreign and meidatsu( stand out). If you are good looking in Japan, the great likelihood is that you are also good looking elsewhere. Trolls are not both ugly in one country and handsome in another. If you are hot in one country, it is pretty likely that you are hot elsewhere as well. That is the way it is.
Hence, people who are English teachers are considered to be sub-professionals and not on a par with individuals(ex-pats) who work for foreign companies. In the latter cases, it is understandable that less attractive males may have better chances with hot Japanese or for that matter hot western girls. It should be noted that hot women know they are hot. They have leverage with the valuable asset that they possess. Their hotness. They are aware of the fact that men lust after them and want them. It is understandable that such women would look at many factors including financial resources, class, looks, intelligence, etc. and get the best they could in exchange for their hotness. Why not? Nothing wrong with that. It may be extremely rare for a man to be all these things and good looking besides. Thus, these hot women may discard looks in exchange for a great personality and kindness keeping in mind the other resources such men bring to the table. But a hot Japanese girl with an unattractive English teacher? Highly unlikely and rare. More probable is a dork with a more attractive Japanese girl but still one that ain’t hot.
And Japanese women may find physically less attractive foreigners attractive for reasons other than physical. Better treatment; chance to improve English; intelligence; personality; different culture; curiosity and “accessory”; chance to live in another country, etc.
Further, many Japanese hotties are out of the reach of foreign guys. These girls don’t frequent gaijin bars or where gaijin usually gather. They may be with hot Japanese guys. Language barrier with foreign guys. Not really into foreign guys as a preference. Don’t want to get involved as it might be likely that they move with the foreign guy to his home country away from family, friends, Japanese culture and language which is comfortable for them. Such girls are definitely not desperate for foreign men.
Many Japanese women travel around in groups. It is harder for any males, western or Japanese, to approach them.
Bottom line, Japan is not the male paradise people misconstrue it to be. In many ways, it is far from it and I think other countries, including the US, may be easier.
Finally, it seems that western women living and working in Japan may be jealous or annoyed that their male western counterparts are less interested in them than Japanese girls. While I have seen some very attractive foreign ladies and have dated them, many foreign ladies do very little to make themselves attractive and many give off negative vibes essentially rejecting men even before these men approach them. Though counter-intuitive, these women seem to be so defensive in that they give off vibes of rejections so they can feel, albeit subconsciously, that they rejected before being rejected by the males. Due to their vibes, they are unapproachable.
My feeling is that even 10s dressed as back packers become ordinary. A plain jane can become an 8( which is enough, as most men don’t need or want a 10; as they say, too much of a good thing is bad) with a little hard work in getting in shape, healthy diet, great clothes, high heels to show off shapely legs and expertly applied make-up. These western women are sexy and more than competitive with their Japanese counterparts. I have seen a wonderfully toned woman with a great posterior and great tanned shapely legs wearing a short skirt and high heeled mules but with an ordinary face. But you know what? She was so hot that even her face was sexy. And preferable over a more conventionally beautiful woman. So western women in Japan have a lot of control of whether they can “get” ex-pat or Japanese boyfriends. And appealing vibes will absolutely enhance their chances. But it seems to me that rather than taking positive action, these western women diss their male counterparts by calling them losers and that the only reason they are successful in Japan is because Japanese girls have odd tastes, are blind to all other attributes except that the guy is “white”, that these guys are average one below average in their home countries and that these ex-pat girls would never look at them there and that Japanese girls are desperate, non-discriminating easy women. This is far from the norm. And rubbish in my opinion.
Conclusion: Japan, particularly in big cities like Tokyo, is no different than anywhere else. It is neither easier or harder to get women than anywhere else. Japanese women criteria for the physical attractiveness of western men is at most little different from their western sisters and the image of hordes of ugly men serially bedding hot Japanese women is……? Complete nonsense. From my experience.
I’ve had a lot of people confirm my experience as they’ve had similar ones.
Anyway, George, I’ve heard a theory that if someone is too handsome and too successful, Japanese women will just give up right from the start, because they think they won’t have a chance. I’ve heard that theory a few times from Japanese friends. If someone is too beautiful or handsome, people assume the person must have a partner already and won’t approach them.
Ugly guy + super beautiful Asian woman: It does happen. Friends just showed me a photo of a weird couple who got married recently. Don’t even get me started. Of course, I don’t know how often this happens, I have no clue about statistics, but I’ve seen this quite a few times, so to me it just feels like it’s common.
Like I said, I’m just writing about my personal experience. I’m not interested in studies. My female Japanese co-workers found quite a few Western guys handsome that I would have considered average-looking if at all. That might have been a huge exception to the rule – like you said, but who knows.
I don’t know if it has to do anything with jealously. I can just speak for myself. To me it is kind of annoying to see the same pattern no matter where you go. Every single male Western co-worker I ever had, had either a Japanese girlfriend or wife. Every single Western men I have ever met in Japan who was not a tourist had either a Japanese girlfriend or wife. Maybe I’m just very unlucky, because you’re telling me this is the absolute exception to the rule, but most Western guys who live long-term in Japan seem to have a Japanese partner – from MY experience.
Oh, and as you can’t seem to agree with my personal experience (which is fine), you might love Ken’s guest post. It seems like he’s describing your reality well. ;)
Perhaps your experience is unusual or relegated to the more rural and less sophisticated locales in Japan.
However, at least in Tokyo, it is my experience that Japanese women’s tastes as to who is a good looking man( or good looking woman, whether Asian or Caucasian) is about the same as their western counterparts. Indeed there are preferences as some may prefer blondes/blue eyes; others may prefer sultry brunettes; and, still others may prefer almond eyed petite Asians.
In Tokyo, gaijins of all stripes are today a rather common sight. Japanese people do not gawk at gaijins as though they were anything special and much more as movie stars. Japanese tastes in what is good looking when it comes to westerners is just as discriminating as anyone else’s. Japanese people do not look at westerners and think that they all look alike. They can see the difference between Brad Pitts/George Clooneys and average looking gaijins just like anyone else. Studies have shown that from an evolutionary basis, we as humans descended from a common source are hard wired in terms of what we consider attractive. It has to do with health and the passing on of genes that confer at least a putative survival benefit for the gene species as a whole. Thus symmetry in body and facial characteristics convey the deeper and unconscious cellular mitosis capability to copy exactly without unfavorable mutative effects. Thus, in essence, beauty equals health and the capability to pass on genes that are more likely to perpetuate the species and nurture each succeeding generation until each has reached reproductive status. This may be theoretical but it is based upon solid research and science. Thus a priori, humans, regardless of race, ethnic background or cultural persuasion, are very likely to have very similar evaluative criteria for physical looks and attraction. Indeed, as alluded to herein above, preferences are of course prevalent. Accordingly, to some individuals persons whom they may find to be good looking have the desired physical characteristics(tall, blind, blue eyed, etc.) whereas others lacking those attributes may be found to be less attractive or even ordinary looking. Some individuals find black people( or Asians) to be less attractive even though some are indeed basically good looking. I submit that while Russell Wong or Denzel Washington may not be to everyone’s taste, they both conform to what is considered universally goodlooking. Indeed, some polls have revealed that even Brad Pitt is not the cynosure of male beauty to everyone. He is thought to be just OK by some. Adrien Brody is thought by not a few to be “hot” or handsome despite his unconventional physiognomy. Though he is not to my taste, I can see why he would be hot to others. Basically, there is something physically attractive about him. Angelina Jolie? She does absolutely nothing for me and I find her looks to be a comical exaggeration of the Hollywood beauty ideal. I preferred her looks prior to all the plastic surgery she has since undergone in an attempt to make her more beautiful. I would call her unattractive to me but I can see her appeal though it is not for me. Thus, I can quite understand how you might find the men your Japanese friends found handsome to be not to your personal preference. But I submit that your evaluation is no more valid than your Japanese counterparts.
I am considered a handsome man who is well dressed and groomed. I am an executive and a lawyer. However, I am not showered by compliments everyday. I am not gawked at as if I were some movie star. Japanese people pass me by without a second look. Women don’t swoon at the very sight of my appearance. Yes, I get compliments sometimes but these are rather genuine. The frequency is about the same as I would get in the States( I am originally from NYC). Indeed, I have been told by some Japanese women that they at first hesitated to make my acquaintance because they thought I was “out of their league”. But this is not common. If I want to “get” a hot Japanese woman, I don’t think my looks are enough. They may open the door a bit, as a check off item that I don’t appear as Atilla the Hun, but they are looking for what else I have. This is pretty much the same as my experience in the US, Europe, South America, Korea, Taiwan, Philippines and China. In my experience, there is no white Charisma Man unless you are a celebrity or movie star. Thirty or fourth years ago, maybe. But today, gaijin-ness confers little if no advantage. I do not serially bed Hot Japanese women. Despite their politeness and demure behavior, they are far from stupid and odd in their tastes. Most are well traveled, speak some English and are very sophisticated about things “western”. They are not country bumpkins that fell off the turnip truck who indiscriminantly sleep with any westerner because of the whiteness of his skin and because they cannot tell the difference between George Clooney and Danny DeVito or Woody Allen. That is just plain nonsense.
My girlfriend is Japanese. I think she is very good looking. So do other Japanese men. She is known as a “bijin”. But she is also a head turner in the States, Europe as well as in the Bahamas. She is a good example of the basic universality of good looks. She is not a gaijin hunter. I did meet her in a bar with her friends. She was so beautiful that I could not resist approaching her. I did manage to get her phone number and had a few dates which were horrible and I gave up. The only reason we are together is because she called me after my silence of two weeks. Why does she like me? She says she does not know. It is just one of those things she says. Charisma Man? I sure don’t think so. Before me she went went a rich Japanese guy who was good looking but who died in a car accident. For some reason, we finally hit it off. And no, I did not bed her on the third date. It was about 6 months later and she asked me if I found her attractive. I said yes of course. Then she asked me why I had not asked her to make love. And so we did. The idea that even unattractive males find it easy to serially bed Japanese women is a complete fantasy according to my experience and I have been in Japan for over ten years. It may be your experience, but it sure ain’t mine and certainly not of a lot of my gaijin friends who are also good looking and executives. But the English teacher or head hunter in Japan as Charisma Man? That is, on its face, just plain ludicrous.
I have met gaijin boasters who have claimed superman status with Japanese girls. However, when I meet their girl du jour, I can well understand why. Double condom protection would not be enough.
As to why western girls are less likely to have dates in Japan, I can agree with a lot of your comments. However, bottom line, if you are hot, you will not go dateless. Even in Japan. I cannot know whether you are hot or not, but even though you may be showered with annoying compliments on how beautiful you are, I think these are very empty compliments proffered by colleagues trying to be nice and flattering you or by strangers who at best acknowledge that you are perhaps better looking than the average they are accustomed to seeing. But hot, I am willing to bet, not. This should not be taken as an insult because even you have admitted that you are normal looking. Unfortunately, men the animals that they are, may rate hotness unduly high. They may lower standards for availability to sex. If you are not hot and sexually approachable, I can well understand why you would go dateless especially in a small rural town. Your chances might be enhanced in a city like Tokyo. But if you wear “sensible” clothes and shoes and don’t do much to make yourself alluring, the dateless silence will be deafening. Just my honest opinion. I am certain you are very nice and highly intelligent but that places you in the friend zone. Unfortunately, it has been my experience that guys rather go for the hot bimbo not just in Japan but all over the world. And…… I don’t know how picky you are. Judging from your disagreement with your Japanese friends about looks, you may be very picky and it appears, to some extent, that looks may be important to you but that you have some insecurities about your own and thus find it difficult to accept compliments on their face. Just say in’.
Anyway, good luck to you and thanks for responding.
@ George:
Hello
I can identify with you in that I am also the minority of handsome Westerner with an attractive Japanese girlfriend or rather say fiancee to be more specific. I am Mexican, and like you come from NYC, I am from Mexico City, a cosmopolitan city in which fashion and how you dress and appearance is important like in NYC or Tokyo.
Although I hate saying this because I do not want to come as arrogant or nothing like that, I have been told I am handsome (scored 8.5 apparently on facial symmetry) but especially that I dress well.
I often hear from people that most JP and other Asian women do not like Latino men because on average they are dark brown or olive skin like it would be in my case, but, for me when I was single, I was flirted not only by JP women but also non-Japanese Asian women mostly despite that I did not paid particular attention to them whether they were ugly or beautiful. I took those flirts like a grain of salt.
I guess because I am well dressed, neatly combed, and have big, almond shaped eyes who are bigger than the average Western man´s eyes (for some reason, these girls always commented on my big eyes in a positive manner). My skin colour is olive, and did not prove a disadvantage for me despite having heard that many JP women prefer the tall, blond, pale Anglo-Saxon men over the shorter, dark-hair, olive-skined Latin man.
As for my fiancee, she is a very attractive JP woman and is considered attractive both by my friends here in Mexico, JP and American friends I have.
From my observation, at least with the Anglo-Saxon gaijins, most seem to come from suburban US or UK, which they do tend to look average/dress plain by Latin American standards and perhaps universal standards. (I lived in the US for some years and finished my bachelor´s degree in your country, and I can tell the difference from a New Yorker or someone from Philly vs. someone from a suburb near NYC or Philly by the way they dress). With Latinos in Japan, at least with Mexicans, most come from Mexico City or another major city in Mexico, not from a small provincial town in Mexico.
I can relate this of the ugly Westerner/Japanese woman as when I have encountered Americans married to either Mexican men or women, in the majority of the cases I often see ugly or at the most average looking American with ugly Mexican man or woman, very rarely with a handsome or beautiful Mexican man or woman, and these Americans think they got ‘hot’ Mexican husbands or wives when in reality, neither one looks hot by our standards and perhaps universal standards (sorry to sound harsh, but I have seen it, and I know other Mexicans who also have seen this and comment the same too here in Mexico)
I am interested to hear other experiences of yours.
Cheers!
hello George
First of all, I would like to apologize for my bad english, it is not my native language..also the terrible form, writing things down is difficult for me regardless of the language. :satisfied:
i’m sorry if this sounds a little offensive, but it feels like i have to say this.. your first wall of text was already a perfect example for arrogance, regardless of some intelligent things you wrote there.
But the second one is what moved me to reply, especially this part
George wrote at 25/6/2014 10:52
Studies have shown that from an evolutionary basis, we as humans descended from a common source are hard wired in terms of what we consider attractive. It has to do with health and the passing on of genes that confer at least a putative survival benefit for the gene species as a whole. Thus symmetry in body and facial characteristics convey the deeper and unconscious cellular mitosis capability to copy exactly without unfavorable mutative effects. Thus, in essence, beauty equals health and the capability to pass on genes that are more likely to perpetuate the species and nurture each succeeding generation until each has reached reproductive status. This may be theoretical but it is based upon solid research and science. Thus a priori, humans, regardless of race, ethnic background or cultural persuasion, are very likely to have very similar evaluative criteria for physical looks and attraction. QUOTE END
(Studies have shown that from an evolutionary basis, we as humans descended from a common source are hard wired in terms of what we consider attractive. It has to do with health and the passing on of genes that confer at least a putative survival benefit for the gene species as a whole.) agree on this part but isn’t it common logic do we need a study to tell us obvious stuff?
(Thus symmetry in body and facial characteristics convey the deeper and unconscious cellular mitosis capability to copy exactly without favourable mutation effects.)
sry but this is wrong there’s not such thing as favorable or unfavorable mutation effects in this regards, mutations can skip whole generations & be triggered by many things (most likely environment) and if they do naturally not influenced by things like intense radiation they or could have had a positive effect & a negative one on ancestors or will have them on coming generatio(ns)
(Thus, in essence, beauty equals health and the capability to pass on genes that are more likely to perpetuate the species and nurture each succeeding generation until each has reached reproductive status.)
so basically a good looking face and healthy looking body (athletic for this era )helps the humans to spread agree! but how does it help to nurture following generations? the male could be full of himself blinden from his buty and health + all the trophy friends and the other trophy females around the world…& leaves the female behind by causing here the take countermeasures which ends with no reproductions or poorly educated ancestor who like his male producer dont cares about feelings he just uses them to ensure he gets what he wants such as good public status .. he can post on blogs & $$$ alot of $$$ but he still is dead inside :whyohwhy:
or are we talking about humanity 3000or 2000 years BC were facial beauty could have earnd a male human just a stone in the face :stressed:
(This may be theoretical but it is based upon solid research and science. Thus a priori, humans, regardless of race, ethnic background or cultural persuasion, are very likely to have very similar evaluative criteria for physical looks and attraction.)
this one made me laugh and cry at the same time .. this is not solid research and less so science but just a theory & a pretty bad one …
sorry to burst your buble but such as special humans gifted with the passive gift to detect best human genes by beauty does not exist
all humans!!!! have that passive knowledge embedded in the genetic string which is way more than only detecting best genetic counterpart to reproduce… all animals have the same thing just with different functions depending …
as for myself i’m just hard case what the japanese call Hikikomori basically a sample model for being a loser in the eyes of todays society,but do not think I’m jealous of your life … well maybe your health not even the greatest Bijin in the world would make me happy right now…. :disappointed:
and finally for the zoomingjapan lady –
finde deinen blog große klasse habe einige interessante meinungen bzw. fakten rausfiltern könen mach weiter so !!
wünsche alles gute und viel gesundheit, sowie glück für deine partner suche
Thanks a lot, Marius. :D
Freut mich, dass dir der Artikel gefallen hat.
Wünsche dir natürlich auch alles Gute und würde mich freuen, wenn du mal wieder auf meinem Blog vorbeischaust. ^__^
very feminist point of view….those “ugly” men with Japanese women are most likely CONFIDENT…. you could have the most handsome guy but not very confident you will not get the girl
That’s of course a possibilty as well.
I just tried to write about my observations. I do indeed see couples like I described, but there’s no way for me to find out if the men are confidnt or not. I would have to interview them to make sure. ;)
Nice post, Jasmine. Slightly different to Ken Seeroi’s perspective on ‘Dating’ though. But really, does the term ‘Dating’ mean the same for both sexes?
For us, men, at the end of the day, all this ‘Dating’ thingy is all about sex, isn’t it? Ken Seeroi’s perspective just proves it and men just want to get sex(I mean why not just go to Soap Lands or something like that and do your ‘dating’ over there, yes it would be more expensive, but at least there is some semblance of honesty present in this ‘dating’).
There are exceptions of course, as in everywhere else. I guess, “George”, would be one of the exceptions, but really Do you need to spend 6 months waiting for your partner to ask you if you consider her attractive, George? What was/is the point of you dating with this woman? This just doesn’t sound like love, I mean like real love, true love, that love when you cannot live without this woman and she cannot live without you, George. And you definitely don’t need 6 months or even 6 days to figure this out.
Now, how about women? Well, women want something else besides sex, don’t they? Sex is actually not a priority for them. Caring and being totally honest are the two main conditions for success in ‘dating’, and only then comes intimacy. And all this is actually the definition of love, true love. This is what women seek for, or should seek for if they want to find some happiness on this planet. Listen to your heart, Jasmine, not your colleagues, friends, or anyone else. You are perhaps in a wrong country for all this, but the answer to it is also only in your heart, not in your mind. Stay picky stay shy, it’s the only way to find real love and happiness, instead of fleeting illusion that always ends in misery. The time is limited for everyone on this planet, don’t waste it on ‘dating’ without real love, so you will not have to go to this miserable planet again.
Thanks, Al.
Actually I think this has not only to do with gender, but also with your personal experience. That’s probably why the topic is so controversial.
I would never say that anybody’s lying, exaggerating or anything. It’s their own truth. That’s what they have actually experienced in “their” Japan. :)
I’ll have a few more articles showing the female perspective coming up soon, so stay tuned for that.
But I’m sure that rather than a “female” perspective, you’ll get an “individual” perspective. I find that so much more enlightening anyway.
That’s also why it’s difficult to say that “this is what women want”, but “that is what men want”. Generalizing just doesn’t work well with this topic. And there are usually far more exceptions than we think. :)
Thanks a lot for your advice, though. ^___^
I’m really glad you joined the discussion.
Most of the western man/Japanese woman couples I have seen in Tokyo where I live are fairly well matched in relative attractiveness. Usually, the foreign guy is better looking than his Japanese partner. As in any country, the vast majority of people are average to ugly. I don’t generally find many Japanese women that attractive but when they are, they are superlative and rank with the great beauties of the world.
I have been to the country side and while there are some attractive women there they pale in comparison to the number of really hot women in Tokyo. I might believe that some unattractive sub professional English teacher might hit it lucky and find a partner better looking than he is in the country side with some country bumpkin Japanese girl. Maybe a student? But I think it rare because of the “small town” mentality and approbation of parents, neighbors, etc. Further, if a girl is really hot, she will migrate to a big city like Tokyo to find her career and a suitable partner. She is not going to waste her hotness asset on some loser dork who is nothing more than an English teacher. And these hotties instinctively can sense a loser who was probably not successful in his home country. These beauties have the same radar everybody else has. Sure, they may hook up with someone repulsive looking like Keith Richards but that is ony because he may be rich or part of a rock band or a movie agent, etc. But a dorky English teacher from Saskatoon, Canada? You gotta be kidding or exaggerating. No hottie is gonna waste herself on that unless she is blind and/or mentally unbalanced. Yes love is strange but not that strange to be as remarkable as you suggest. More likely is a pairing of the dork with some up skank who more attractive men would not give the time of night. Yes, even the Phantom of the Opera can bed women serially provided these women bring their leashes with them. Maybe such men are trading up from the ones and twos back home to a three or four in Japan but a 9 or 10, you gotta be exaggerating or you have really bad taste in looks. People tend to gravitate to others of roughly similar attractiveness. So your ugly gaijin/”beautiful” Japanese pairing is a quantum event at best(extremely rare). Beautiful women are pretty much the same the world over. Especially in big cosmopolitan cities. They have leverage. They can get what they want. Love is rarely blind for them.
And what about the unattractive or “standard” westerner you seem to attack because he is apparently big headed because he is desired by highly questionable attractive Japanese women? Very likely, you are spiteful because he has either rejected you or worse ignored you. You feel slighted because you can’t get a date and you feel unattractive and almost certainly you are not hot. So you write a blog pitifully decrying the fact that so called ugly guys who are losers everywhere else can serially bed Japanese bimbos who have no taste and are so stupid that they think all foreigners look like Brad Pitt. You protest too much and it shows. And you may be confused. “Gee, Japanese say I am so beautiful every day but I can’t get a date even if I pay for it. Darn them ugly westerners. I am so lonely”. Well, you get compliments like that because Japanese wanna make you feel good about yourself. What are they gonna say? You are ugly every day? Of course not. But if you are truly good looking they wil know that you know it be because it is obvious and compliment you elsewhere like how good your Japanese is. So you are beautiful has no more meaning than how are you. So in a way, constantly showering you with compliments about your looks is more an acknowledgement that you ain’t so hot– like a left handed compliment or false flattery. In your case, you are right to be annoyed about it. Your lack of dates affirms what you are most afraid of being–not hot. Beautiful is unfortunately false flattery. So instead of writing a blog about the “truth” of dating in Japan which is more a hidden agenda in getting back at those callow westerners that ignore you, go and improve yourself. Work out, be stylish, wear sexy heels, shave your legs, wear a little make up, grow your hair out as your crowning glory and send out positive vibes. Then you will be in demand and no more relegated to writing revenge pieces in a blog. What a waste of time. Just saying.
First of all, would you stop making up things?
“Gee, Japanese say I am so beautiful every day but I can’t get a date even if I pay for it. Darn them ugly westerners. I am so lonely”
You quoted me, but I’m quite sure I never said that. Maybe that’s what YOU read between the lines, but don’t state it as a fact.
According to you I hate all Western guys here in Japan and in fact, I’m an ugly, fat Western girl boiling with jealousy because I have nothing better to do than asking Western guys for dates and get rejected all the time?
Making up things in your mind is a great skill. You should write fantasy stories. You could become rich. :)
Implying that what you wrote is a fact, that means you know me, you’ve seen a photo of me and you also know everything about my dating history in Japan. Now, do you?
If not, I’d like to ask you to stop writing insulting theories like that.
I don’t even have a grudge against Western men in Japan. Yes, I do find the guys annoying who brag about how many times they’ve get laid IN GENERAL, not only in Japan. Because I find that kind of attitude insulting to all women. But as I’ve come across that sort of men here in Japan as well, I also mentioned it in the blog post.
All I did was writing about my daily observations and I also stated that clearly. It’s not my fault that the majority of Western men I saw weren’t particularly handsome, but their Japanese partners were – at least in my eyes. I’m not angry or anything. It just surprised me – even before I moved to Japan when I was just a tourist.
I’m not picking on any particular person, I’m just saying most (not all!) couples I’ve seen were like that. Nothing more. You’re interpreting way too much into this – and I’m not quite sure why.
You’re saying I’m attacking Western men, but aren’t you the one who is attacking me – for whatever reason? ;)
P.S.: And just one amusing fact is that you say that when Japanese people call a person beautiful all the time it actually means they’re not attractive at all. But in another comment you said that Japanese people often tell you how handsome you are. Go figure. ;)
Hello, this is a totally random question but I’m hoping you may have some possible answers. :D I was wondering how Native American Indians are viewed by the Japanese culture, considering I’m half Navajo and half Guatemalan. My question is will I be discriminated? Or treated equal? I’m not so sure. My concern is coming from the previous war where my people created the unbreakable code. And I am afraid that it might affect the way they may see me (?) I just would like to know if I’d be treated equally and without a possible hidden stereotype against me…(This sounds like a stupid question in my opinion, but I would like to know) :) and by the way, I loved your article and I would love to read more.
Thanks. (:
Will you be treated equally? You mean like a Japanese person? Nope. No foreigner ever will get this kind of treatment, I fear.
I’m not a Native American Indian, so I can’t tell you anything about this, but they’ll most likely treat you like most foreigners are treated in Japan. They don’t really make such a huge difference between (Western) nations in my experience.
About war thingies only old people really care and not all of them do. Most Japanese have war issues with Korea and China.
You’re worrying way too much.
Also, more than your nationality it depends on your overall “appearance”. Just smile and try to be friendly wherever you go. ;)
Are you a Japanese woman? Ok, some questions. Why some foreigners are treated like second class citizens and they will never be accepted as Japanese? Does it have something to do with nationalism? Does it have to do with Japanese thinking paranoid that they will lost their genetic heritage or something and that they are a race? Or that Westerners are unsophisticated people and that Japanese have almost oiginal culture whereas Westerners got their culture from Ancient Greece and Rome? Give me a response if you desire.
P.S: Anyway we Westerners have manners. I know you know that. But how many Westerners know about Kancho. Fingering another man’s butthole isn’t well-mannered in my book. lol Sorry if I am being an ass.
Hello Novator,
The name of this blogging series is “A German Alien in Japan”, so I’m not sure what makes you think I could be Japanese. I also think that by reading my posts, you clearly can see that I’m a foreigner who’s living in Japan.
Do you think that Japanese girls could like guys from Hawaii?
Do you think I can win the lottery?
Sorry, but what do you expect to hear?
My answer: Why not? Just come to Japan and find out. ;)
Well Jasmine:
Just to clear up some misconceptions. Yes, indeed, Japanese women have complimented me on my looks. But, I would not pay these compliments much attention except that what they say confirms the reaction from women in my home country. Indeed, as I have said, I was a model and actually tested for a movie part based upon my looks. I have had similar success in the US as I have had in Europe and indeed Japan with women. Getting dates is no problem for me anywhere because my looks allow me to approach and then work my “game”. Good looks are pretty generally universal. If you are good looking in the US, the odds greatly favor that you would be considered so in Japan. If you are average or ugly, the same would generally apply. Thus, Japanese are not so different and weird in their evaluation of western looks.
You and other seemingly disgruntled western women decry the fact that you are dateless or relatively so and both westerners and Japanese men appear to ignore you or pay little attention to you. You have yourself admitted that you are not considered particularly good looking in Germany and evaluate yourself as normal looking which means average, neither good looking or ugly. Japanese people would very likely truly rate you about the same. Maybe they might give you a point or two for having blond hair and blue eyes. But you would still be part of the large average looks pool. If you may be told you are beautiful here in Japan, it is likely due to their being nice and telling you something you might like to hear. What they really mean is that you are “meidatsu” or different looking because you stand out. It is highly doubtful that they mean you are really beautiful in a strict sense. But that does not mean that Japanese can’t distinguish the actually beautiful and handsome westerner from ordinary looking westerners like yourself.
Why do you need to drag down western men and belittle them for being lucky in bagging so called beautiful Japanese girls even though you claim they are considered below average or average looking in their home country? Says who? You? Are you the great arbiter of what is considered attractive?
I am not saying you are undesirable. But I am venturing a good guess that you are not at all hot and with all the stiff competition from both hot gaijin women and Japanese cuties, you are getting the short end of the stick, at least in Japan. Otherwise, I am betting that you would be too busy dating to have time maintaining a blog professing to exposing the real truth behind dating gaijin mores in Japan. I find your claimed experience to be at the very least highly exaggerated for reasons I have exhaustively expressed previously and probably much more based upon frustrated rants because you have a void in male companionship here in Japan.
Instead of complaining, you can better focus your energies on improving your attractiveness quotient. Hard work outs at the gym, stylish clothes, sexy high heels showing off toned legs from gym work outs and an inviting smile can turn any 5 into a 7 or 8. You don’t need more to get a lot of attractive guys both western and Japanese to show an interest in you. Then you will happily be in a position to ignore those callow westerners whom you decry. Just sayin’.
Sorry, George, or rather I’m not sorry, George, because what you wrote above is really disgusting. Putting a “I don’t want to be rude” infront of something rude does not make it less rude. And who’s the one making assumptions now?
Not to mention the mysognistic paragraph that you tagged on at the end which makes you exactly the kind of man that women should avoid. Game over, George.
The truth often hurts, especially when it hits home hard. Sylvia, at the risk of being rude, are you one of those poor unfortunate western women who are dateless in Japan as well?
Look, I love all attractive women for dating and that includes western women. I do not have yellow fever. Indeed, in Japan as you will admit, there are far more Japanese women than there are western and white women and I assume that both you and Jasmine are inclusive in this latter category. If the picture of the “western” geisha is indeed Jasmine along side her commentary, then I must apologize and admit I am dreadfully wrong. In that picture, if it is Jasmine, she is truly beautiful and beyond hot. Her profile is nothing short of perfect and then I make the argument that because she is too beautiful, many if not most men would be intimidated. Me included, although I would give it a shot knowing I might likely get rejected. But nothing ventured………and I have a thick skin anyway as a sales executive. I get rejected all the time but the payoff is huge when I succeed just a few times. A lot of it is a numbers game anyway. But I digress.
I have dated a few very attractive foreign women who I saw and approached. They were invariably well groomed, wore stylish clothes, smiled encouragement as I caught their eye and were very pleasant when I did come over to say hello. Have I been rejected by some? In spite of my rather good looks, yes, I have. Maybe I reminded them of a former boyfriend, or I just lacked sex appeal to them or while good looking I was just not their type. No problem. It happens even to us good looking guys who work hard to stay in shape. I have also been rejected by Japanese women mainly because I looked like a playboy and they believed I couldn’t be faithful.
But you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection, otherwise you won’t get anywhere and will remain lonely. Rejection is a huge part of life. It is unnatural for anyone not to encounter rejection. It happened even to too Hollywood stars before they became famous.
So the point is that most western women in Japan complain about being dateless and ignored by both Japanese and ex-pats and in frustration try to tear down men who are dating “beautiful” Japanese girls whom they don’t really deserve because they are unexceptional in their home countries and similarly blessed women there would not give these losers the time of day. Rather they can only be successful with Japanese beauties normally out of their league either because anyone who is white is attractive and looks like a movie star or the Japanese women’s concept of western good looks is so stilted that ugly is good looking and good looking is either ugly or just god-like and divine. Especially in the larger cities, this is completely false and a myth. Japanese women’s tastes are pretty much the same as any other women throughout the world. Most will tell you thar Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Pierce Brosnan and Tom cruise are all good looking while Nicholas Cage and Charles Bronson look like Neanderthals. I agree with these characterizations. Are they influenced by the media and its concepts of good looks ? About as much as white women are. Do they think Russelll Wong and Denzel Washington are handsome? Yes, they do. Do western women find Japanese heart throb movie stars attractive, the same as Japanese women? Yes, they do. Therefore, western women are no more the arbiter of good looks than Japanese or any other women for that matter. So it is plainly wrong to imply that Japanese women in General have quirky tastes when it comes to westerners.
Then why do beautiful Japanese girls go with western guys who are clearly beneath them in looks? First, most of these so called beautiful Japanese girls are not at all beautiful. They mostly dress better in a skirt and high heels and make sure they look fashionable. Their male counterparts both Japanese and western look grungy by comparison. So it is not that these girls are absolutely beautiful but relatively so in comparison to their partners. Some girls choose foreigners because they are exotic and different. That does not translate into good looking at all. Still other Japanese women like confidence and boldness which many Japanese men tend not to have.especially if they are not good looking. Still others like how western men treat them….the ladies first syndrome. And still others like foreign execs because they can bring them to expensive restaurants, etc. and still others like American men for marriage so as to escape the dreary lives of Japanese salary men and living in rabbit hutches two hours out of Tokyo.
Not so mysterious when you really think about it as opposed to the “mythical” revelations of Jasmine as a result of her very limited experiences. So in conclusion while I may seem mysognistic as you say, it still goes without saying that the better you women look and take care of yourselves, the more chances you have for male companionship even in Japan. And don’t be so picky. Beggars can’t be choosers. And maybe guys like me may grow on you. You never know!
Regards
Gorgeous George(photos upon request)
@George
Wow, thank you George, you managed to make be ashamed of being a man, and a man from the same part of the US. I will say this that you are wrong in some parts of your statements and arguments. I will tell you this right now that when it comes to women, attractiveness is not the majority of reasons as to what a woman likes in a companion.
First off, girls find guys attractive because of their traits. Most of my friends who are girls are in relationships, and I will say that I question the reason as to why they find them attractive, often asking “what does she see in him?” That’s not my view with everyone, as some of their boyfriends also happen to be friends of mine, and even make cute couples. I have one friend whose boyfriend is not the best looking guy in my opinion, but for some reason, she is attracted to him. Being attracted to someone based on looks is not really a sure fire way of understanding someone, that’s more of picturing the idea of being with that person, until after a while you start to see through the allusion.
There have been girls I have like over the years, girls who would never bat an eye towards me (even some who do acknowledge and hang out with me don’t find me attractive romantically), but they end up going for guys who are unattractive and are a complete (as the British put it) “fanny” of a person (that’s mostly personality wise) But when it came to all of them in general, they had something which I myself lacked and that was called Confidence.
Yes Confidence is the true way of appealing to a girl. You could be a not so attractive guy in general, but if that person is confident in himself, that’s a major step in attraction, showing that the guy can take the step towards her. I wasn’t much of a dater in high school actually it was mostly because I was not confident in myself, and I tried too hard, but I probably know more about dating than most people. If I had been more confident, than maybe it could have worked but that’s a lot coming from my neighborhood, that and I went to an all boys school and the girls are not the best choices.
I will however say that guys with your type of personality are the type who are not looked well upon. You mention your physique and how women and other people complimented you, but really in the end who gives a care? I’m not the best looking guy around despite what my family tells me, but eventually someone will like me based on my personality. I’ve been insulted over the years based on the size of my head, my eyes, and my imagination. I’ve been told that I am ugly and no one wants to talk to me, but they were wrong in the end. I’m glad you have a girlfriend in your life who is really attractive, but I might not think that, and for that matter, appreciate her, because she obviously sees something in you that I cannot see, based on your comments because you appear to have a bit of an ego of yourself.
And insinuating that Jasmine is ugly and jealous through her blog is really a low point and I find that disgusting. You don’t know her personally, and even if you did, what gives you the right to make the assumptions you have made. This is HER blog, based on HER experiences, just like my assumptions in this reply are based on MY own experiences. I don’t know her either, but she could probably be a cute girl with an amazing personality? I wouldn’t know that unless I met her, but that does not give you the right to assume the worst of her. Assuming that is the worst thing you could do.
George’s analysis is dead on. Japan isn’t a magical land where the standards of beauty are horrifically skewed that you have some Japanese babe dating a fat slob. The western women on this blog are, honest-to-god, just as bad as some of the men complaining about the Japanese girls in Japan.
A western girl on Okcupid or Tinder, even if she is a 5 or a 6, is going to receive a lot of attention from thirsty men. Even though a 5 or 6 probably won’t date the vast majority those guys (cuz hypergamy lol), she feels ever so flattered and validated by their attention. “I must be pretty cute!, TEE HEE,” she thinks to herself. Even if a western girl is overweight, she barely has to lift a finger to get some of that coveted male attention. But now that 5 or 6 has moved to Japan. She’s still a bit overweight, but now she has entered a country where there are practically zero overweight Japanese girls. A ton of them are cute and petite, especially in Tokyo. Not to mention, her fashion sense sucks because she is such a strong independent women that doesn’t need to dress up for a man. Competition is stiff. Some estimates also indicate that as much 42% of Japanese men aged 23 to 34 are “grass-eating” men (i.e. don’t date):
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/foreigners/2009/06/the_herbivores_dilemma.html
For the first time in their entitled lives, these western women have to actually lift a finger to find a good date. God forbid, they actually have to get off their lazy ass and do something. I constantly read around the internet about the poor Western woman’s plight in East Asian countries. All the western guys are “ugly” and have “yellow fever”, but these western girls are honestly just mad because these guys, ugly or not, aren’t paying any attention to them like they would in a western country. Let’s all shed a small tear for these Western women. They actually have to develop some “game” like every other guy in the western world and, gasp, t-t-t-they might have to ask a man out first. Can you believe that? Disgusting.
My experience in Tokyo has been much like George’s. I’m also a good-looking dude and the girls loved me there, but I also do well for myself in my homeland too. Yeah, I only spent a week there, but the interracial couples that I saw walking around Shibuya were pretty much equal in attraction. The only time a neckbeard got lucky to get a kiss was in a night club where everyone was too drunk to realize what they were doing. But out and about in the daytime, handsome men were paired with beautiful Japanese girls, what a surprise.
Reading around on the internet, it seems Black Western Women do well in Asia.
Charisma man is a comical caricature of a western male social misfit who is average or below in his home country but who is magically transformed into a Japanese babe magnet as soon as he steps off the plane. Bloggers like Jasmine and supporters like Sylvia play off this very famous comical manga creation. But is there any truth to this? And does it separate out Japan and Japanese women from their western counterparts in having stilted and unfathomable tastes in western men?
The answer is almost certainly no. Of course, preferences play a significant part in sexual attraction. Some men prefer blonde blued buxom honeys, others prefer sultry lithe and leggy brunettes. Still others prefer almond and doe eyed Asian beauties with their silky black tresses. Usually people prefer characteristics in their partners which they themselves do not possess. Hence there is no wonder that some white men are attracted to Japanese women and vice versa. But do preferences alone equate to good looking? For example, Philip Seymour Hoffman was blonde and blue eyed. He possessed an attribute which was preferred by some Japanese women. But possessing those preferences did not turn him into a handsome Hollywood hero. Does the fact that a western man may be tall ipso facto turn him into handsome hunk? No of course not. Blonde and tall by themselves do not equal good looking. Just because you are white does not mean that Japanese women will necessarily find you good looking or that these traits will turn an average guy into a Hollywood leading man in Japan.
So what is the fascination with the Charisma man if he is not really good looking even to Japanese girls? First of all, attractive does not necessarily mean good looking. English accents can be sexy all by themselves. How about money? Humor? Ladies first? Great Japanese language skills? English conversation? The list goes on. So these so called losers in the looks department could leverage other attributes that make them more attractive to Japanese babes. It seems that western women like Jasmine judge so called western losers by their level of looks without considering other compensating attributes. Jasmine sees even ugly guys being able to serially bed Japanese women. She may not give these losers the time of day because she judges only on appearances whereas Japanese girls have a broader view. And good on these so-called losers. At least they are attractive somewhere in the world where they are appreciated even though they may not be so in their native land. And Jasmine should be grateful for the compliments she gets in Japan. What’s wrong in being called beautiful in Japan? Maybe the German guys in her home country have the odd and stilted view of feminine beauty.
I’d like to know how hard would it be to marry a japanese woman, especially a fatty one, being peruvian, i don’t know if they would reject me just because i’m not american.
I don’t think they would care too much about your nationality as long as you look “foreign enough” (exotic) to them.
Don’t forget that your character and how you treat women counts a lot, too. ;)
Again, Jasmine gives stilted and in my view foolish comments. Most Japanese women are accustomed to seeing foreigners walking side by side with them on the streets of Tokyo or any other large city in Japan. In fact, foreigners are no longer the curiosities they once were and are a relatively common phenomenon even in the countryside. So foreigners no longer have the “exotic” card working for them. Japanese women like women all over the world have similar tastes and evaluative criteria for what makes a man attractive. Japanese women are not from another planet with differently evolved DNA. We humans are pretty much the same when it comes to basic instincts and selecting partners of the opposite sex. Many Japanese women will find Brad Pitt, George Clooney or even Harrison Ford good looking. It is ridiculous to think that just because you are white, but otherwise fat, short, pimply faced with pig eyes and a porky snout, that Japanese women will find your “exotic” features good looking. If you are considered good looking in the US or Canada so too you will be found good looking in Japan and vice versa. Your foreignness and “exotic” looks are not an attractant or even a curiosity unless of course you are generally pleasing to look at.
Having a pleasing and charming personality and treating women well are not attributes unique to winning Japanese women. This applies to ALL women. Duhhhhhhhh.
Somehow foreign women commentators(as well as highly exaggerating males) attempt to portray sexual attraction in Japan as somehow unique and unlike anything experienced in the western world. Suddenly unattractive dorks are charisma men and can serially bed beautiful Japanese girls simply because they are white and thus “exotic”. Nonsense and complete hogwash!
Do white foreign teachers have tremendous success with really hot women who are not their
students? Would an average looking white male English teacher frequenting a bar in Roppongi automatically become a babe magnet and have flocks of Japanese women treating them as movie or rock stars? I have never seen that happen—not even once. Most foreign guys who frequent these bars are average to ugly looking. They come in alone or with a group and they leave without female companionship. Mostly, they do not approach women in the bar and woman rarely make a move toward them unless intoxicated. I have never seen a really hot Japanese girl giving even a glance to these average specimens. Most of the time, these foreigners, if they have girlfriends or interact with Japanese girls at a bar, will be with Girls who are roughly about as attractive as they are.
Sometimes, not often, I have seen portly, balding and older men squiring hot Japanese babes. But they looked wealthy, dressed well and had the aura of high ranking executives. Thus it would be obvious that hot women, not only Japanese, would be attracted to them as an alpha male. Of course this could also be an escort service but it looked genuine to me. I have also seen some Japanese women who have shyly and haltingly approached a foreign guy but he was extremely good looking. The girl could be seen staring at him with longing looks and had to be egged on by her female group of friends before finally approaching him. Invariably, she was not really hot but acceptable. Really hot girls do not have to approach guys because they are pretty much constantly hit upon. Even good looking guys need some game to get her interest. Same story the world over.
Bottom line? Japan ain’t really different from other western countries when it comes to making it with the opposite sex. We are all pretty much the same. Yes indeed we all have particular sexual preferences. Some may like blondes, others doe eyed black tressed Asians, and still others buxom women of color. Doesn’t mean that those who are not necessarily our preferences are not physically attractive. But for some reason we have preferences that could add a point or two to our relative scale of attractiveness. But it won’t turn an otherwise 2 or 3 into an 8 or above.
Blogs such as Zooming Japan attempt to sensationalize and give insights that the uninitiated may be naive and gullible enough to believe. All in the name of “my experience”. Having lived and worked in Japan for over twenty years, I find all these “insights” amusing fairie tales and the advice they proffer worth what you pay for. Jmho.